Monday, March 29, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 6

song+ Too Little Too Late- JoJo- the High Road
book+ FFXIII strategy guide
scent+ roast beef
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ ugh.. work stress
attire+ work clothes
drink+ milk


so no progress was made on the Scarbie costume. not due to procrastination (for once!), but because everyone who could drive me to buy the fabric had prior plans all weekend. i played video games instead and it was awesome. xD i have to say, every time i pick up the controller to play FFXIII, i worry that it's not gonna be as good as i think it should be (like FFXII failed me) but it has yet to let me down. it keeps it's awesomeness up the whole time through. even the side quests (normally obvious filler i loathe) are awesome and i can't wait to be able to do more! i've just barely unlocked teleportation-rewarded quests, so the huge world will soon be much easier to traverse. i'm plodding my way through chapter 11 (of 13) and there's still just SO MUCH to do! i do think this could be the best Final Fantasy.. and up till now my favourite was still the original. xD or 9, which was pretty much entirely pieces from other games. 9 played like a Best Of retrospective thing. xD this game is immense though. beating story mode unlocks the abilities you need to play the other half of the game. i totally can't wait for that point, it's gonna be epic. i also made progress on Pokemon this weekend. i went from 3 badges to 9, and once through the Elite Four. my Pokedex is at 90 owned (out of 493) so i'm feeling pretty good on that front too. xD

so far as work goes- it's work. some days i consider it an accomplishment to even make it in. i'm getting to the point where i'm READY mentally for some vacation time. i guess that means i need to get my act together and save up so i can afford to. xD

you know what's not helping with that saving thing? all the stuff i ordered forever ago that's finally making it in. this week? a statue i ordered back in September, and like 4 GNs i've been waiting on for a few months. xD the incoming statue is supremely awesome, but now i feel compelled to buy the companion piece for better display flow, and it's like 100 bucks. X.x there's always Amazon for a slight discount i guess. our distributor isn't offering it anymore. *sigh* it can wait though. i'm already at the point where i'm considering getting a glass-fronted book case to display the statues and toys i already have, so i shouldn't be stressing about getting more to complete collections. xD though when i have funds again, you can bet i'll do just that. i'm like 4 mini busts away from a complete Women of the DCU wave 2 (Terry Dodson) collection. and excepting Barbara Gordon (the worst Batgirl ever) i'm well on my way to a complete wave 3 (Amanda Conner) run. wave 1 (Adam Hughes) is mostly beyond my price range, and i already have the ones from it that i liked, so i think i'm satisfied there. i am however working on the Hughes-designed Cover Girls of the DCU statue line, except the Wonder Woman which is kinda icky looking and mannish. :P at some point i should take pictures of the collection so people can see the awesome all gathered in one place. at this point it really can't be denied: i'm a collect-a-holic. if something says "collect them all!" there's a good chance i will, or i'll at least try. i have tons of collections of tiny piddly things where i really only wanted one or two, but figured they'd look sad as an incomplete set, so i got them all. i even have a few collections of things i don't like because they came in pretty colors, like my Lantern Corps ring set. to clarify, i have the plastic 3 dollar ones, not the $300 metal set, or the light up (mid-price range) ones, i'm not THAT crazy. i do have a chess set that i can't use though. it came 3 pieces at a time with art books! and i don't play chess (AND HAVE NO INTEREST IN LEARNING) but i love the characters and the creators, so the pieces line the shelf above my computer monitor at home collecting dust and being cute and fat. at $30 for each art book (+3 pieces) and there being 12 books, it adds up to my priciest CUTE dust catcher yet. *fail* especially since they're just plastic, and i got them all before i had an employee discount here.

abruptly changing the subject, i think that since i don't have the stuff on hand to make a scarbie costume for me, i may make it for FaithAnn instead and wear my normal one while i carry my own little dryad around. i think it could be pretty cute, my very own little sapling spirit. xD i'll have to dig out my boxes of costume pieces and go through them till i find the scarbie stuff. it's been a while, but i'm relatively certain i know where everything is except for my blouse, which i couldn't find last year either.. xD i'll pull something together, i'm sure. the hardest part will be moving all the stuff blocking access to the closet with the costuming boxes packed away inside it. xD it's totally blocked by towering stacks of DOLL STUFF with smaller piles of CRAFT STUFF wedged wherever it fits. X.x not a super effective organizational schematic, in case anyone was wondering. i can't wait to go nuts organizing the studio this summer. it's likely to be my favorite room in the new place. xD i can't get too crazy organizing the bedroom since it's kyu's room too and he has a vote.. as much as i override his votes elsewhere, i figure he has the right to veto pink sheets or ruffles on curtains. both things i don't go for, but i'm making a point here. xD his say also extends to how far i'm allowed to color-code socks, or alphabetize craft pens by maker (then sort by pen nib), or any number of other excessively neurotic things i've suggested (usually in a fit of insomnia when i just need to be occupied by anything at all) that are truly stupid ideas. he's pretty good at figuring when it's the crazy talking and when i really wanna do something. he's also gotten better about leaving some things entirely in my hands since i just complain when he mucks it up. organization of movies and books (except for his own bookshelf of GNs) is entirely my jurisdiction, while kitchen everything is his realm. i doubt i could find anything in the kitchen (except for my milk- top shelf of fridge) without a map, but since he does all the cooking, it's fine. xD but yeah, long ramble back on track, i need to hold an expeditionary trip to unearth the closet so i can rescue my scarbie costume stuff. xD the Costume Closet in the studio of the new place will be a truly wondrous thing. Moose has her own fair share of costumes for various reasons, so having a space dedicated to them makes sense to both of us. if Kyu ever collects any costumes, we're even willing to share the space. but for now he's really costume-less so it's not an issue.

i guess that's all for this entry. maybe i'll have a point next time besides long-winded-ly pointing out that i'm a pack rat whose hoarding has outstripped her neurotic need to organize everything. i need more places to put everything. X.x

Friday, March 26, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 5, part 2

song+ Stop- Erasure- Hits! Best of Erasure
book+ FFXIII strategy guide
scent+ paint
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ ugh.. work stress
attire+ work clothes
drink+ dr pepper


the Ren Faire cometh! still incredibly distracted by Pokemon and FFXIII, but i have just enough spare time to think about how excited i am that Scarbie opens again soon. when it does, Moose will be working there weekends instead of at Ulta, which means i may actually realistically be able to make it out more than once this summer! xD usually i have trouble finding a ride willing to go out more than once since it's such a drive. i love it though and going more than once this year will be awesome. i think i wanna focus more on expanding my costuming options this year. i have mostly gypsy-ish components, and i wanna be able to do warrior, or noble, or fey/dryad if the mood strikes. i love my gypsy-ish pieces, but i want something more specialized. i've picked what i have so far based on how versatile it could be, and i think i'm ready to specialize. maybe next summer have a really awesome warrior woman thing pulled together. the armor could be expensive, but i can probably do a lot on my own. i have a few ideas, but i'm not skinny enough yet for them to look good. maybe next year i'll be in better shape. i'm working on it, but it's slow going since i'm lazy and really like eating. especially junk food. *fail dieter* i wonder if Moose will get some type of discount for the shop she'll be working at.. maybe she could hook me up for costume components. i really do think a good dryad costume would be super fun to construct and to wear. (fake) leaves woven into my hair, "falling" from a flower circlet, drape-y browns and greens for a Grecian robe/tunic and silk flowers spotted here and there. also flip flops, preferably in brown with greenery on the straps to disguise them. xD i think being a tree spirit could be pretty fun. it'd also work with my green hair, which i still think is awesome, so i have no plans to change it anytime soon. My original draft was mostly green, but i realized when i colored it that it'd kinda be overkill, even in paler tones, so my next version was much browner.

now i'm thinking about what fabric types would work best for draping flowy robes on HOT days, while still looking ethereal and majestic. a cape is a simple solution for transitioning to colder days, and since i already have several that's not a problem. i also wonder- how should i integrate a way to carry my money? xD hidden pockets i guess. no one could say it was historically inaccurate, they haven't personally asked dryads if they had pockets to hold their stuff in ye olden days. xD i figure as long as you can't see obvious pocket seams it's fine, so i'll probably go for vertical slash pockets just below hip level. simple enough to do on a lined garment. they'd really only need to be big enough to hold my phone on one side, and my debit card and some cash on the other. that would also leave my arms and hands unencumbered for characteristic frolicking. i do love to frolic. xD i've been doodling drafts of how i could construct it best, and pondering specific colors.. i'm thinking of using a chocolatey brown with taupe and sage sparkly sheer under layers for a natural tree-ish palette. i'd leave the bright green for my hair. xD plants tend not to be jewel-bright, so i figure a tree spirit would be mostly browns. pretty ones though.

anyways i've got it mostly figured out design wise, so now i just need to buy the fabric, figure out how to mod the patterns i have on-hand, and beat my sewing machine into submission so i can use it. i refuse to do my costuming by hand. that's entirely too much work. it decided to stop working when i was doing a dancing costume for Moose a few months ago. i think i can get it working and pull together this (surprisingly simple) dryad costume in the next 2 ½ weeks. i want it done a little early for once. xD i'm generally a seat-of-the-pants last-second costumer, but i'm trying to do better, having things ready before they day they're needed. if i buy some fabric this week, and the fake flowers i'll need, and the rest of the fabric next week, and sew my brains out i think i can have it done early enough to let it hang and settle so i can do last minute tweaking to have it fit perfectly. there's really no point in doing an absolutely custom work that doesn't fit right after all. xD

if i bought the flowers and the brown fabric this weekend, i could have the basic structure pulled together by the time i can afford to get the sheer greens next week and finish it off. ooh! Wouldn't it be adorable if i had FaithAnn dressed up as a little fairy to carry around with me? xD fairies seem like they'd be on friendly terms with dryads. being forest-dwelling otherworldly creatures and all. i imagine she could get a bit heavy after a while though, and that could get annoying,. probably totally worth it for the cute factor though. xD the hardest thing for a dolly fairy costume would be wings i wouldn't accidentally smoosh out of shape while lugging her about.. i could go more ornate and oversized before gravity became a concern though, so it's something to think about. I do have tons of seed beads though, and some jewelers wire somewhere so i could probably work out something dainty for her, in whatever colors end up suiting best.

Monday, March 22, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 5

song+ Inside Out- Eve 6
book+ FFXIII strategy guide
scent+ new book
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ ugh.. work stress
attire+ work clothes
drink+ milk!


much less to talk about this week. i've spent most of the past week alternating between playing Pokemon and playing FFXIII. both are awesome, like way way awesome.

i'm making progress on my store credit-earning too. This week i'll have another 35 on my gift card, putting me at 56 out of a needed 325. i special ordered a Wonder Woman gauntlet, tiara and lasso prop replica set.. the condition for me ordering it (as mandated by kyu and agreed to by me) was that i couldn't pay my real money for any of it, it has to be all credit. i have until September (the earliest possible shipping date) to earn it, so i figure i'm doing pretty well. xD after i hit the 325, any excess will go toward picking up things on my “oh, i don't have that!” list, which is actually much more manageable than it used to be. some of it has been dropped altogether and some picked up used for much cheaper.

i bought two sets of tiny round Rare Earth magnets (like 432 of them total) and i've been playing with them pretty much every spare moment of the past few days. i never realized how absurdly entertaining magnets could be. xD crazy fun, but it also goes to show that mentally i really am a child sometimes, to be consistently entertained by something so simple. i actually spent most of today playing with them instead of drafting this, hence the irregular short length.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 4, part 3 (crazy, right?)

song+ Gimme More- Britney Spears- Blackout
book+ FFXIII strategy guide
scent+ new book
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ ugh.. work stress
attire+ work clothes
drink+ milk!

(this was drafted off and on at work to keep from inflicting workplace violence on mostly innocent and entirely unsuspecting persons)


i'm unhappy again at work. for a while, after the old crew returned, everything was great here- you know, the Good Old Days all over again. the glow has apparently worn off. now i'm being held to unreasonable expectations again, and given no incentive to even try to reach them. other people that do half what i do get accolades and tangible rewards, i get more work. i'm feeling (again) that it's not worth it, but i'm afraid i won't be able to find anything better with the economy how it is and my lack of education.

i'm thinking again of going to college. i want to take art classes, and i probably could without sacrificing too many work hours, it's that i'm still terrified of somehow winding up with the kind of terrifying debt dad did. i know paying off student loans will keep that from happening, but it's still terrifying for me. it's why i haven't even applied for anything yet when i desperately want to go and DO something different.

most of the time, i really don't hate my job, or even dislike it all that much. i'm just really sick of getting no credit for all that i do, then being called out the moment my performance slips even the tiniest bit. this time it's so incredibly stupid too. i prioritized the tasks on my schedule to fill the time i had until lunch (an hour or two in this case) so i'd have a full day tomorrow to offer to another department for anything they'd need help with. to me that made more sense than dropping all my responsibilities, offering 1 ½ hours now, two after lunch, and a half day tomorrow to whoever needs help. it's easier to fill a whole day with things i'm untrained for than it is to fill hour-or-two blocks off and on all day. apparently this isn't an instance where actual thought was desired or appreciated. i was called out for it, and when i calmly explained my reasoning i got an angry huff in reply. i kinda always figured when i grew up and ventured forth into the workforce, a working brain would be a plus, and management would have matured beyond acting like their teenage children when my opinions differed. ugh. just ugh. (a half-hour later- it's like nothing happened. talking of next week's expectations and what her kids are up to and usage of imaginary words in humorous situations like we never had the altercation.. not that blows were exchanged- that's as aggressive as she gets) to be clear, i don't hate my boss, i don't even dislike her. she is, by far, not the worst superior to report to here, i just wish i didn't have to deal with being the only person she feels comfortable enough with to vent to. i hear her complaints about everyone else all the time, so when she's done with all that and starts nitpicking things i'm NOT DOING WRONG, it's kinda like the straw that breaks the camel's back. i'm not a screwup, so don't act like i am, please.

so now i'm just wanting to go home and not come back. i won't, i'm more responsible than that, but it's such a tempting thought. days like this make me wish i was independently wealthy and only working to amuse myself. maybe i'll finally get going on the actual-doing for the paintings i keep mentioning now that i have enough stuff. i still need a sculpting medium that'll dry hard enough to sustain paint without degrading, but i can work on other pieces. i have all i need for two of the four i have thought up and drafted out. i could also do some clothing designs if moose isn't up to sharing her painting space this evening.

days like this make me really look forward to having serious Art Studio time after we move this summer. that and having room to set up our exercise equipment are the biggest advantages to me at this point in the planning. not being stuck with Lousy Management is good. having space to think and breathe and DO is better. being allowed to paint an accent wall is awesome (moose and i are thinking dramatic cloudy nightscape/sunset scene), having space between moose's room (and nighttime music- she apparently can't sleep without it) and ours (i prefer silence while i sleep thank you very much) is even better. kyu's looking forward to space for Warhammer playing, so that's a big plus for him. i figure there'll be enough space elsewhere that if he and his nerd-friends playing gets on my nerves, i can go paint or draw or whatever and it won't be a problem.

yeah, about 2 hours later and i'm still angry. i'm a little worried that if i go home and do angry-painting i'll mess up my Very Expensive supplies.. maybe i need a Good Mood set and a Bad Mood set so i don't freak out if i get a bit rough with a paintbrush. i'm usually very conscientious of the care given the bristles on a brush, both during use and cleaning, but when i'm angry, my consideration for the care of anything but myself pretty much flies out the window. i'm especially selfish when angry, i guess it's good i at least recognize it? i can take steps to alter behavioral patterns when i know they're there..

end of the day and i do feel marginally better. i did about 6 hours of labor in 2 ½ hours this afternoon and actually got recognized for it, which is nice. naturally it was labor for another department. scanning TONS of specialty dice into inventory. mom also stopped by for a brief chat, that helped my mood a bit too. i love you mommy! still frustrated and angry, but not like baby-punching mad. you know it's a bad day when you want to hit a helpless baby.. it's like the ultimate expression of bad-day-having: a Baby-Punching day.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 4, part 2

song+ the Best Thing- Savage Garden- Affirmation
book+ FFXIII strategy guide
scent+ new book
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ EVERYTHING i want is expensive
attire+ work clothes
drink+ milk


okay, so what is that arts festival, mom? never heard of it before. xD sounds potentially interesting though.

just so ya'll know, summer is when like EVERYTHING fun comes out at work. it's hell on my self-control and budget. xD i need to do more combos, and soon. i'll be desperately needing the store credit for the next few months. xD in the past two weeks, i've had about $100 in merchandise arrive for me.. it looks to continue probably for the next two months at least. so many books and statues and toys to get, it's crazy.. fortunately i have a few weeks before i have to pick it all up. it's all really cool stuff though.

at least i'm sticking to my dolly hiatus. xD no new doll purchases since FaithAnn, despite enormous temptation. i've been diverting into enabling instead of indulging for myself. it's working for me, and other people's self-control is totally not my problem..

Monday, March 15, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 4

song+ As Long As You're Mine- Wicked
book+ Magdalena- Blood Divine
scent+ OLD book
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ craft supplies are expensive
attire+ work clothes
drink+ milk


so last week was kinda meh. nothing bad happened, nothing great happened. well, yesterday was my (just about) quarterly Cheesecake Factory outing with Chaunte. xD we mean to go more often, it just works out this way most of the time.

last week Final Fantasy XIII finally came out. i've been looking forward to it for like 3 years, so i was super psyched. lots of drama with the shipping and all, but long story short, Amazon sent me the ps3 version which (being ps3-less) i can't play. so i bought it as GameStop Saturday afternoon (with the intention of returning the incorrect order to Amazon for a refund) and i've made decent progress. according to my save file, i'm at chapter 5. the book says there's 13 chapters. that's pretty good for one weekend's playtime, i think. i must say i'm absolutely adoring it so far. absolutely worth the wait and the stress and the hype. one of the most brilliant and innovative games i've played in a long time, and so far, all the characters manage to be interesting, if not especially likable. the character who's design i liked most has turned out to be my favourite personality too. i like when that happens. xD i look forward to playing it more, possibly even breaking my self-imposed no-weekday-playing-of-consoles rule. i put the rule in place to encourage getting to bed at a decent time. xD i think with the generous spacing of save points though, i could play tonight and be able to save and go to bed early enough to be productive tomorrow. i know kyu's already sick of hearing people talk about it, but it really is supremely awesome. xD

before i play tonight i have to finish my combos for store credit though. since i'll have done 3 boxes, sometime this week i'll have 21 bucks in credit put on my gift card. next week i'd like to do more boxes, i'll just have to start sooner than Sunday night. we'll also have to figure out how many boxes we can fit in moose's car, since all three of us are doing them. maybe if we cleared out her trunk we could all do more.. or we'll just bring them home in staggered shifts. xD and bring them back the same way, over two days at a time. it could work well enough, i suppose.

tonight might also be the night moose bleaches (then dyes) my roots green. i've got about an inch of dark growth from the past 3 or 4 weeks. having hair that grows absurdly fast really makes it kinda difficult to have unnaturally coloured hair. xD the green is a surprisingly good shade for me though, and it makes me happy, so i definitely plan to stick with it for a while, annoyances and all. moose enjoys playing around with different types of styles, and kyu pretty much always wants something other than what he has going on. me, i tend to stick with what i like for long stretches. i figure if it works, why mess with a good thing? i know a lot of people wonder WHY i chose to dye my hair green and the simple answer is- i like green. it's my favourite colour, it makes me feel settled and peaceful, it flatters my skin tone. it's fun to play it up with the clothes i wear. also my real hair colour is boring, since i wanted to make it something different anyhow, why not go for something that speaks to who i really am? when people see me with this hair, assumptions may still be made regarding what i'm like, but 'boring' is pretty much never part of it. xD i've actually had more older people tell me they like it than any other age range, teenagers are (surprisingly) the most judgmental. out at restaurants the people closer to my age don't say anything at all, but the older crowd is full of "oh, that looks really nice on you"s and "little girl, green is a good color for you" and even "oh that's so fun!" xD it's kinda cool, really.

not much has happened creatively, since i've been distracted by the video games and the earning of store credit.. i'm sure i'll pick up on things again before too long though. i still need to buy a few more things before i can work on the projects i've had planned for a few weeks now. craft supplies are expensive. i forget that when i'm between projects, or using what i already have. anytime i have to buy more though, holy crap do i remember craft supplies are expensive. xD i've spent a relative fortune the past few weeks on glitter, rhinestones and paint. the feathers and craft mask were pretty cheap, but the rest is NOT. i still have to get bigger brushes, and more canvas, and possibly some sort of air-drying sculpting medium.. or i can do sculpey/fimo and hope it doesn't shrink/skew when i bake it.. i dunno. i'll figure it out though. since it's just a personal project it's not like i have a deadline to get it done by or i fail a class.. my projects are mine alone, and while i do miss having a structured learning environment, i enjoy being able to follow through on my ideas when i feel they're ready and not when someone else wants it done. being pushed to finish sooner (or even worse to draw out the duration) was my least favourite part of any art class. real art comes when it's ready to be made, not when a teacher demands its production. so while i'm enjoying the ideas i have, and gathering materials to work on them, i'm still a long way from completion, and perfectly okay with that. they'll be done when they're ready to be done, and at that point i'll figure out what i'm meant to do with them. xD i'm sure there's a market for jewel-bright rainbow glittery mixed media sculpture/paintings of an overemotional nature (with an underlying theme of broken hearts and abandonment), right? i mean who wouldn't wanna hang that kinda thing in their living room? xD yeah.. not expecting to make a fortune (or even successfully sell anything) i think this stuff is mostly gonna be emotional catharsis. i kinda need it.

Monday, March 8, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 3

song+ Empty Apartment- Yellowcard- Ocean Avenue
book+ nothing currently
scent+ pizza
quest+ saving to visit Roro
upper+ i'm feeling creative again
downer+ craft supplies are expensive
attire+ work clothes
drink+ nothing


so this week i'm better mood-wise. i went dancing with Moose Friday night. we did superhero costumes- with tutus. it was awesome and fun. it made me feel much much free-er. xD i think i wanna go semi-regularly, like maybe once every other weekend, just so i don't end up feeling repressed by things beyond my control. plus it's fun to dress up all goofy and flail like a spaz. xD (also- Kyu sucks at focusing a camera.. just saying)

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i'm doing better sticking to my no more dolls in 2010 proclamation too. i decided to hold off on ordering Rosalie until i can really afford her. i'm sick of scraping together every penny i can. i want to show some self-control and get some savings pulled together. some of it will cover visiting Roro this summer, but some of it will be just to know i have it if i NEED it, not just if something is pretty and i want it.. i did have to buy new headphones, since mine died on me and listening to my music is all that stands between me and newsworthy workplace violence. otherwise i'm working on not-spending though.

well, i also pre-ordered Final Fantasy 13, but i've been looking forward to it for a few years now, and i pre-ordered before i decided to be more responsible. xD it comes out tomorrow, so mine should ship soon and i can maybe even play it this weekend. xD woo hoo! (maybe)

Moose is still doing very well at the new workplace. <3 her new boss even cut her hair this weekend. xD she's part-timing beauty school, and since she's in need of practice she offers free haircuts. it looks very cute. this weekend will be a two-paycheck week for Moose, so i think (so far as she told me this morning) she plans to take care of the car's inspection and insurance, so se can finally take care of the rest. xD it's been a long road to this point, but she's finally getting there-ish.

i've noticed the only real downside to living with little sister again is the body synchronization screwing with prior (unspoken, but essentially agreed upon) bathroom schedules.. when Girly Plague strikes 2/3 or the household, it's no fun for anyone.

i'm thinking that after i've saved a decent amount toward visiting Roro, i want to finally upgrade my iPod. it's still functional, but i need something bigger. i have an 8gig Touch. i love how it works, but there's already not enough room for all my music and i really want to get more. some of Moose's, and other things that have been recommended for me. so something bigger is a must. i'd like it to still be a Touch, not for the apps or anything, but because i already bought a really cool skin for it and don't want it to be a waste of money. xD it's this Faith skin, from one of my favourite comic covers from the past few years. a gorgeous Jo Chen painting.

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Moose, Kyu and i (in an effort to spend more responsibly, but still allow fun) have decided to do optional weekend-work for store credit. that lets us buy the fun things we want without emptying our bank accounts. i think we'll start this weekend. we'll see how it works out. xD it's a busywork task that could earn us each $7-35 in credit each week. depending on what's there to be done.

before the dancing, during the costume-acquisition portion of the evening, i also got some of the items i want to use for a painting. some extra-fine jewel-toned glitter, exotic feathers, flat-back white crystal rhinestones, and a plastic blank domino mask. i also got a good lead on where to find the type of paint i want to use, so that's good. our friend Mike that works at the good art store nearby has some bold-tones acrylic washes he's done cool stuff with. he said he got them at his job, so i may pick some up this weekend so i can start some of the paintings i sketched out last week. these are a bit different from my normal super-controlled things, but i'm hoping they come out looking pretty cool anyhow. most of them will actually be these mixed-media things with some bas-relief in them. xD fun to experiment with, i think. there's still a few more things i need to pick up before i can really start, but i can get them this weekend and finally be able to go crazy creatively. i wonder if Moose would be willing to share the drafting table currently in her room for easel-like purposes.. it's kyu's table, but it's her room. XD i suppose i should talk to my art-store contacts about getting an actual easel. it'd likely help a lot. if i'm not using it, someone else can, and it'll fold up smaller than a desk can too.

i guess worrying about it can wait until the new apartment though, and there's still a while left to get through in this one. plans are afoot for the organization of our future studio though.. awesome plans. xD

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 2, part 2

song+ So Sad, So Lonely- Matchbox 20
book+ Buffy Season 8- Retreat
scent+ home
quest+ saving for Dolpa
upper+ can't think of one
downer+ i miss Umi..
attire+ work clothes
drink+ nothing


i miss my best friend. the one i used to talk to for hours about nothing at all, or anything we wanted. i miss the feeling of complete trust in another person without any strings of expectancy attached. i miss the easy, open affection, the teasing and inside jokes. i miss feeling like i mattered as a person.

i feel love and affection and other good things from the other people in my life, but really, nothing compares to the special love of a best friend. we used to talk of what we'd do together when we grew up. we'd talk about having babies who would grow up as close as sisters, built-in best friends. we spoke of reaching for our dreams together, both silly and serious. i didn't feel the need to hide my feelings to protect hers, i felt i would always be appreciated for who i am and what i could be. maybe that was wrong. we haven't spoken in years. there's been effort on my end, i desperately want to speak to her again, but nothing i do is ever successful. she talked to Kyu a while back, but not a word to me.

she's apparently moved past our friendship. she's found new friends, and a love. she's engaged (possibly married by now) and planning to move back to the local area. she made vague offers of meeting up again, catching up again, then disappeared again, not to be heard from in the past few months.

i've said numerous times, i'd be okay with moving on. idropping the friendship on this end too, finally expunging the remaining feelings, if i knew it was what she really wanted, but she won't say anything to me. i wish i know what i did to anger her, or frighten her possibly. if i know i could try to make it better. if it's really just moving on, i wish she'd let me know. it breaks my heart that she still holds a special place in who i am, but i never know what's going on with her.

i want to be happy again. i want to feel whole again. it's really not fair that she still has a part of my heart that i'd like to able to give to Kyu. he deserves more than i can give him. he's wonderful, and i'm happy with him, but i'm not as happy as i'd be if i could just figure out how to move on.

i NEED to grieve and move on and stop loving, but i can't seem to convince myself to give up on her. i hate that i'm so stupid-stubborn.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

State of the Neko address: week 2

song+ Without Love- Hairspray
book+ Buffy Season 8- Retreat
scent+ cream cheese
quest+ saving for Dolpa
upper+ hmm.. milk is yummy?
downer+ i'm not sure what..
attire+ lounging clothes
drink+ milk


a day late on this, i was sick yesterday. some today too, but i went in to work anyway. only a sudden death is a good enough excuse for missing a Tuesday. i do hate being sick, it makes me feel icky all over. a really bad sick day makes you feel icky on the outside too, even when it's just a tummy bug. i'm pushing through it though, i have responsibilities and obligations to meet, and i need as close to full paychecks as i can get for the next few months to have what i said i'd save for Dolpa.

in deference to the prior arrangements i'd made, i'll be holding off and not ordering Rosalie just yet. she can wait until the next Real Skin event. Iplehouse does them every 6-8 months, so that'll give me time to save for and enjoy Dolpa, then have enough to order when my income isn't otherwise committed. there's also another idea for a girl doll i'd like to do kicking around the back of my mind, but there's no need as yet. if i do her, i'll likely name her Hunter.. she'd be either JID Amy or I, in white skin either way. she's still just an absent thought though. i dunno if i can handle her.

Moose is getting on well at work. she filled out her official employment paperwork last week (Wednesday maybe?) and has already been bumped up the career ladder. she's outperforming other employees that had a one or two week head start on her, so my estimation of reaching a leadership position quickly is looking pretty accurate. in the next few weeks she should finally be able to take the big steps so far as car-related financial obligations go, so that's good. i'm proud of her so far.

i think that's it for this week. keeping it relatively short this time. xD we'll see how next week goes.