you build me up and then i fall apart

song+ Human -Christina Perri -Head or Heart
book+ nothing
quest+ completing the Squire plush
upper+ i found a movie i enjoyed
downer+ depression is sinking in again
attire+ pajamas
drink+ Sun Drop

sometimes i exist in a happy bubble of complete disconnect from the rest of the world. frequently that's the easiest way to get by, if i don't know things are happening, those things can't set off my anxiety.

in a fitful desire to reconnect with the world, i looked to the internet to see if there was something new and interesting to watch. one thing that was pretty overwhelmingly recommended was the movie Kingsman the Secret Service. it, like Netflix!Daredevil isn't something i'd recommend to most of the family because of their personal viewing standards and preferences, but i was entertained as hell. i watched it in a fit of insomnia, finishing it around 3am. it was as entertaining as any James Bond film, without taking anything too seriously at all. i'm thinking of watching it again.

i've got various tasks i need to get done this week, and basically zero motivation to work on them. this is why i'm very careful about making promises when it comes to productivity, i never know if i'll be able to follow through, and i hate being made a liar by depression-induced apathy. i need to list some of my paintings for sale online, like i told Kyu i would, and i need to finish the plush i promised to one of the guys from the gaming group. i promised it MONTHS ago, but sewing anything at all has been the furthest thing from my mind. the gaming convention he wants to take it to is approaching though, so i'm running out of time. ugh.

i'll get it done, but it'll be finished with extreme resentment. nothing new really, sometimes even waking up is done with extreme resentment, that's just how i roll.

when you live like that you live with ghosts

song+ Bad Blood -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ Pokemon walkthroughs
quest+ finishing Alpha Sapphire so i can return it to Kyu
upper+ it's been a super productive weekend
downer+ my ankle's been spazzing lately
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk

so i'm sitting playing Pokemon when i hear mom say from behind me "oh, you need to post something" and i realize 'oh yeah, it's Sunday' so here i am posting.

i'm at mom's again this weekend for more productivity on the various home improvement projects, but today being Sunday (and thus a work-free day) i'm mostly just using mom's laptop for support files as i work my way through a neurotic completionist Pokemon Alpha Sapphire playthrough. i'd like to get it done so i can return it to Kyu so he can finally play it, since it's his and all. he gave me free rein to play it first since he had other stuff he was working on, but i've had plenty of time, so i'm wanting to finish grinding out all i can get from it and move on.

really there's not much to say. the weekend's been a blend of Pokemon, writing (which is far from ready to share) and painty things, and mom shares that stuff as it gets finished on Facebook, so there's not much to say.

i wish that you could see you scars turn into beauty

song+ I Believe -Christina Perri -Head or Heart
book+ nothing
quest+ getting back to MH painting
upper+ ideas, lots of them
downer+ allergies
attire+ pants and a Human Torch tee
drink+ water

i think the weekend i just spent with mom was possibly our least productive one to date. stuff got done eventually, but the priority was honestly conversation about other things. it's fine, since we did get a few things done eventually, and we'll have time to make it up next weekend.

i've spent this whole weekend feeling like the words i want are hovering just outside my reach and it's really an annoying feeling, but i've sat here for like an hour trying to get to them and i can't, so i guess i'm done with this post.

if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before?

song+ Pompeii -Bastille
book+ nothing
quest+ getting back to MH painting
upper+ great deals on thing from my wishlist
downer+ pretty much broke again
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

i've spent most of the last week recovering from the emotional and physical exhaustion of working the artist's table on FCBD. i don't regret it at all, but it was difficult.

mostly i've been poking around on the internet so i'm downstairs when the post guy comes by. i spent the bulk of my FCBD earnings on substantially discounted dolls. i paid something like 50 percent of market value across the board and managed to finish off two lines i'd been working on collecting, a whopping 7 dolls total. i'm still waiting on the last half of my order, with amazon's propensity to ship things separately and all, but once it's all here i'll do a doll spa to fix (inevitably) terrible box hair and i'll take everything upstairs to get back to painting the plastic bits. i made considerable progress the week leading up to FCBD, but this week there's been zilch. part of that is because i caught up on Elementary and i haven't decided what to use as background noise now.

while i was engaged in random internet-ing, i came across this tumblr post. i'd mentioned it to mom last time we were together as one of those things i found funny enough to basically compulsively re-blog, but i'm aware that most anyone reading this isn't on tumblr, so i thought i'd share it anyway. maybe ya'll won't think it's funny, but i do.

yeah. every time i see it i laugh at "the DEATH BREATHERS" but maybe i'm just nuts.

addendum: i was totally ready to spend today at UTA for the Scottish festival thing, mom gave me her Sunday ticket and everything, but it's been storming off and on since 2 am. not really weather i'm up for walking anywhere in, which is sad since i was looking forward to it.

i break, i borrow, i win, i lose

song+ Bach(slash)Break -August Rush soundtrack
book+ nothing
quest+ recovering from FCBD
upper+ FCBD went really well
downer+ i'm kinda exhausted from all the people-ing
attire+ pajamas
drink+ Dr Pepper

it was a really good FCBD this year. i made slightly more than double what i earned at Halloween, and two people even drew me pictures, which is awesome. the sitting all day has left me kinda stiff and sore today, but i should be fine come tomorrow.

i didn't think to take pictures of any of the sketches i did yesterday, but it was fun, and there were a few that were better than the others. there was plenty of interesting conversation, and yummy food provided for the volunteers and artists. i noticed a few more of my markers dried out, so they'll need to be replaced eventually, but they're pricey, and i don't use them super often, so they're not the highest priority items on my to-do list.

really i'm just hoping to get some really good deals on some of the pricier items on my doll wishlists with the money i brought in. the drawing was fun, a tangible reward will be even better.