ha! two days in a row! (image heavy)

song+ Without Love -Hairspray (what can i say? it's a good soundtrack!)
book+ my sketchbook. i;m working on doll clothes designs
scent+ i dunno, dad's cooking something..
quest+ working on doll clothes
upper+ i have some really nice fabrics to use
downer+ it's hard to find decent free patterns. X.x really hard
attire+ pajama pants, grey tank top
drink+ nothing currently. maybe root beer in a bit

so i finally got around to posting convention photos on gaia, and i figured i might as well do them here too. descriptions above the photos. not too many, but they're a little large.
me and moose last year as zatanna and raven

moose w/ george perez, who created raven

me w/greg horn, who paints amazingly hot (though sometimes anatomically erroneous) covers

kyu in my tophat w/cane at the end of the day.

and on to this year! i forgot to take off my glasses for a lot of the photos, but i remembered for most of the pics other people took. xD and yes, i am aware of the fact that i make an atrocious blonde..
me as lady blackhawk

me w/a really good scarecrow

me w/dan didio, Editor in Chief of dc comics. his speech bubble would totally read "aren't you the girl that hates me?" since i'd given him my batgirl rant the day before. i don't hate him, i was just airing a year of grievances. he's done a really great job with so many other books..

kyu w/dan didio.. pre batgirl rant (the day before my pic with him)

kyu w/adam kubert, one of his comic-drawing heroes

a really good hal jordan and katma tui green lantern pair

that's the green lanterns as wonder woman and superman, posing with an unaffiliated catwoman

dr strange! by the hoary hosts! xD

go go power rangers!

and the creme de la creme of cosplay, a giant roll of toilet paper riding a mechanical bull

this was a chalk and charcoal reproduction of the sketch cover we got for preordering our tickets. it was so big the artist sat on wolverine's head indian style to do the top. it's amazing.

quiz/meme thingy

song+ You Can't Stop the Beat- Hairspray (the new one)
book+ Ultra Maniac and Yume Kira Dream Shoppe
scent+ pumpkin pie. gotta love the holidays!
quest+ working on doll clothes
upper+ i had a ton of fun at wizard world
downer+ i miss kyu. he's at his grandpa's
attire+ pajama pants, hello kitty slippers, my brown robe. it's lazy time.
drink+ milk.yay milk!

mom and rorek did this a while ago, so i guess it's my turn. xD finally.
1. What were you afraid of as a child?
abandonment. failure. also grass and horses the same things i'm still afraid of. people, phones.
2. When have you been most courageous?
i can't think of a particular moment.. the way i see it, i'm always me, so i doubt i'd notice an abundance of courage at any particular time.
3. What sound most disturbs you?
nails on a chalkboard.. dad leaving his talk radio blaring 24/7 mundane noises really. the narration in kyu's wrestling games. X.x i really hate that.
4. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you’ve been in?
a particularly horrible month sophomore year. not a good time for me.. it was most of november, actually. a few people know what happened then and can understand how hard it was for me.
5. What’s your biggest fear for your children?
that they'll be as stubborn as me and have to go through even half the hardships i have rather than learning form my mistakes.
6. What is the hardest physical challenge you’ve achieved?
getting through the events in question 4. wearing heels for a whole day at a convention is a distant second.
7. Which do you prefer: Mountains or oceans/big water?
i LOVE the water. i'm not around it often, but being near it fills me with a peace i've never known elsewhere.
8. What is the one thing you do for yourself that helps you keep everything together?
i let myself fall apart, then i pick up the pieces. i've never been able to cope any other way *shrug*
9. Ever had a close relative or friend with cancer?
some grandparents, but i hardly remember them, so no one close really.
10. What are the things your friends count on you for?
i don't know as i've never had to count on myself, but i'd like to think i'm good at emotional support i listen to problems and do what i can to help
11. What is the best part of being in a committed relationship?
the snuggles
12. What is the hardest part of being in a committed relationship?
the same thing that's hard about any relationship: misunderstanding. the downside to no two people being exactly alike is that no two people think exactly the same. that unfortunately means there are arguments sometimes when things get out of control.
13. Summer or Winter?
whichever i'm in. i've always loved summer, but i tend to forget how much i love it whenever another season comes around. it's kinda a love the one you're with thing xD
14. Have you ever been in a school-yard fight?
a few. i can usually walk away from a fight, but there have been cases where i didnt. that pride thing again. sensing a pattern yet?
15. Why blog?
it's a way to express myself without feeling like i'm forcing my feelings on other people.
16. Did you learn about sex, and/or sex safety from your parents?
not that i recall. i just knew things. nothing was really mystery about it to me. it kinda embarrassed mom to talk about it, and i don't remember any of my sisters giving me "the talk", i just knew. i didn't know it was supposed to be something you needed to be told.
17. How do you plan to talk to your kids about sex and/or sex safety?
hmm. i guess that'll depend on it they need to be talked to about it.
18. What are you most thankful for this year?
the wonderful people in my life. they make it that much easier to try to be happy.

happy my birthday! ..yesterday.

song+ the Burn- Matchbox Twenty- Mad Season(? or More Than You Think You Are)
book+ the guide i downloaded and printed out for Shadow Hearts 2
scent+ clean winter morning
quest+ maybe finishing zinda by hallowe'en
upper+ the chauffeur cap should ship soon
downer+ i really need to make the actual uniform
attire+ jeans, sneakers, brown undershirt, lighter brown tee
drink+ milk. in a little bit..

so my birthday was yesterday. it was nice. kyu bought me a bouquet of mixed roses, they're lovely. i also got a movie i like and a few cards. even though this is a busy week at work (due to a large load of comics, previews coming in, and it being international week on top of that) mike has been oddly reasonable. docile, even. he left us all our people, and even sent over one of his. we'd been getting done on wednesday lately, so it almost feels like we're behind since we only got the post out yesterday. ups and foreign ship today.

i'm working on feeling better. just throwing that out there.

not really making progress on the zinda costume. i still haven't even modded the pattern, much less started sewing it, but i plan to definintely work on that this weekend, since i'd really like to wear it to work on hallowe'en. we'll see how that goes though. anyway, not much time, so this is it for now.

again with the taking forever..

song+ For Good- Original Cast Recording- Wicked Soundtrack
book+ November previews!
scent+ burnt toast (poppa's) and chocolate (mine)
quest+ maybe finishing zinda by hallowe'en
upper+ i have about 80% of that one done
downer+ still have to do everything on two whole costumes and most of a third
attire+ grey undershirt, black satin pajama pants and a hoodie pilfered from kyu
drink+ cherry vanilla dr pepper

so moose just called me, when she gets back from her choir thing, we'll go shopping for more costume pieces. i'm really hoping to have the zinda costume done by hallowe'en. i'd love to wear it to work. all i need is the hat, a blonde wig of appropriate curliness, and gloves. i have the pattern and the fabric to make the rest, and i bought the boots a few weeks ago. it'll be awesome when i'm done.

so my gaia avatar is totally reflecting my current mood. it's in black, because as much as i've tried to pull myself back up in the past month. i feel like i haven't made any real progress. i guess i've been in denial of what was really bothering me. i've taken steps to fix that though, i sent umi an e-mail. i miss her very much and it's like a part of me is missing when i don't hear from her. a while back she got accepted to a good corps de ballet in new york. i'm thrilled about that because she deserves it. when it happened though, she posted a message effectively cutting everyone out of her life so she could make her own decisions and not feel pressured. i wasn't sure if the space thing applied to me too, but i sent one last message saying i could respect it if it was. i didn't get a reply, so i figured i'd just back off and try to live my life. i'm really having trouble though.

i love aimee. heart and soul, who she is is a huge part of who i am. i'm not the best pen pal, i get spacey and forget to write. i've also lost letters before, but i do try. when i have internet access, i'm good about checking messages and replying when needed. i check my e-mail every day, and my gaia. i don't always post here, but that's partly frustration over limitations on a computer that's not mine. what i'm getting at is that i feel like i'm stuck in mourning for a relationship that i'm not really ready to let go of. there's so much more i can give, so much left for me to learn from her. i could handle being here while she's there going for her dreams if i knew i still mattered at all to her.. i'm afraid i'm going to keep holding out for more, and one day i'll wake up 60 with most of my life past and i will have missed so much because i was waiting for that one last thing. kyu deserves better. it's not right for me to put off my dreams with him on the off chance i'll hear from her and she'll want something that conflicts with whatever i've finally committed to. she's not selfish like that, but fears don't have to be logical. if they were, we likely wouldn't be afraid.

kyu's off visiting grandpa this weekend, so i was laying about this morning, thinking and feeling alone and my thoughts drifted to missing her, as they often do. that's when i decided to check my messages and mom's blog. my normal morning routine. one of mom's best friends died and she posted about it. he was a good person, and i feel for her. he didn't live nearby anymore, so she never really had a chance to say goodbye. you never really do with car accidents, but she hadn't seen him recently, and i could relate. i read her post, with her honest grief and love, and i could totally understand how it would feel to lose someone who meant so much and also lose the chance to ever have that unique anything with them again. that's what made me send umi the e-mail.

she's far from me, and i haven't seen her in a long long time. i don't want to ever feel like she's totally no-return gone and i failed to fix things. i don't want to regret not taking action, i don't believe in it. i make mistakes and i learn from them, but i never indulge in "i should have"s. i've lived this long without regret, and i think i'm better off this way..

so mommy, hugs and sympathy for you. i know that you're hurting badly, but i'm here if you need me.

kyu, i love you. you're amazing and i'll keep working to make you happy.

rorek, you be happy too. hold onto what's dear to you and don't be ashamed to live with all the passion inside of you.

moose. i don't think you read this, but i love you too. *huggles*

and lastly, umi: please, i'm pleading, let me try to be strong with you. i don't want to destroy your dreams or hold you back. i'd love to cheer you on and hold you up, if you'd let me. so much of me is made of my relationship with you, please let me feel complete again.

it's quiz time!

song+ Friend or Foe- t.A.T.u. - Dangerous and Moving
book+ the guide to ff8. i'm working on my no-level file
scent+ gummy peach rings!
quest+ holding onto enough money to get Z:PH and the Zinda boots on monday
upper+ Zelda: Phantom Hourglass comes out on Monday!
downer+ being sick last week left my check small and funds short
attire+ my pajamas
drink+ milk again

so i think i'll have the best luck doing my posting on weekends, when i won't be too tired to make sense. i'm starting off by taking the quizzes from rorek's journal, because i love these things. then moving on to several others. xD after that i'm gonns go play my no-level Final Fantasy 8 file. i'm having good neurotic fun with it. huzzah! i'll try to post something real tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.

faythe --

[adjective]: Like in nature to a train-riding hobo

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

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You Are Superman

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What Superhero Are You?

Your Birthdate: October 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

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You are a 1950s Diva

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You Are 84% Intuitive

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A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

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it's been a while, huh.

song+ When You're Gone- Avril Lavigne -The Best Damn Thing
book+ October previews!
scent+ can't smell anything due to allergies
quest+ getting more stuff finally unpacked
upper+ the pieces for WW costumes are coming together
downer+ a downswing again
attire+ denim shorts and a justice league tee
drink+ sprite.. surprise!

so it's been a while and i'm sorry for that. i wanted to wait till i could post the costume designs, but that could take a while longer. on the bright side when i get around to it, i'll have loads of other things to show off too. i should have enough money saved up to buy my own computer by the end of october though, so that's a plus. then i'll be able to spice this blog up and do all the arty things i've missed since the old PC pretty much keeled over and died.

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. the kind that doesn't always do you any good. i've been wondering the merits of giving up on something i really want vs the pain of holding out for what may never really have ever been mine. i try so hard to give everyone what they need. if you need space, i'm gone. need a shoulder? i'm there. i'm not saying i'm a saint by any means, i don't do much more than i've ever asked of others. i know i can be horrendously selfish, narcissistic and self centered. i'm trying to be better though. it's just that sometimes i feel like i haven't made any progress. like no one's even noticed the effort. i never know if my epiphanies are clarity or a fit of depression, which kinda sucks.

i want so much to just be happy. i have a few other dreams, but they really all start with happiness, which lately seems to be so far out of my grasp. when i hit my lowest points i make myself stop to think about the most recent times i felt really no-strings-attached happy. i couldn't remember one today, which can't be right, because i know i've been happy lately, i just can't think of when. i know my kyu is a wonderful person and he makes me happy, but that's a string attached, happiness shouldn't ever be entirely dependant on another person. i wonder if that's a weakness in myself, thinking i always need to be able to stand on my own. i don't ever refuse help, and i even ask for it when i need it, but i still feel i shouldn't need it.

i love kyu very much. more than i can articulate, and i often feel i'm not fair to him because i'm incapable of returning all the love he gives me. there's the one little part of me that won't let go of something that was maybe never even really mine. i'm very fortunate he understands my shortcomings and loves me in spite of them. i know i'm loved, by a good many people, but sometimes the selfish part of me is louder and all i can think is that i spend so much time giving encouragement. saying the things that need to be said, the good and the bad, to kyu, to the moose, to my poppa, to anyone and everyone.. i'm that voice that says "hey, you need to do this, even if you don't want to." i'm also the voice that says "you know you can do this, you're just afraid to try. it's okay. i'm here for you." and lately i feel that no one ever thinks to be that voice for me.

i need that voice, because i'm afraid and i'm weak. i just lie and pretend i'm someone better. all i really need is for someone to see through it and say "it's okay to cry, i'm here for you and i love you" and hold me until i feel better. maybe i'm a better acress than i give myself credit for though, because in all my (almost) 22 years, not one single solitary person has seen through the mask to comfort me. everyone should know comfort doesn't mean a damned thing if you have to ask for it. i only ever seem to get that hug, that shoulder to lean on when i say out loud, or in a blog post "hey, i'm feeling weak, could i lean on you for a bit?" i have pride! it kills me to have to ask for the love i so desperately want showered upon me. and even when i ask, i don't get what i need, i get a pale shadow of it, a pathetic imitation. not that the people giving it are pathetic by any means, it's just disappointing to feel like an afterthought because it never occurs to anyone that i have needs too.

this isn't me trying to drag everyone else down, it's just what was on my mind. i think i'm on another downswing, but i'm working on climbing back up. slowly.

..and another delay

song+ For Good -Wicked Soundtrack
book+ September previews!
scent+ cardboard dust and sweat
quest+ getting my designs uploaded
upper+ i get to go into work at the normal time tomorrow
downer+ the weekend's still not here yet
attire+ creme and red top, pajama pants
drink+ milk! as per usual..

so i couldn't post yesterday, poppa took his computer back.. it's his and all, so i couldn't really complain. i got my designs done, inked and coloured. i'll likely hook up the scanner in a little bit so i can post them and you can all marvel at my genius. xD and modesty too, of course.

this week at work has been long and crazy, and it's only half over. my promotion is pretty recent, and there's still an adjustment period i'm going through, but both this week and the last my department managed to get three days of work done in one and a half. it's amazing and people are certainly noticing, but it's also a little exhausting. before people asked me questions because i knew the answers, and i didn't mind helping. now people ask me questions, and sometimes they're questions i totally don't know the answer to and i need to go ten minutes out of my way to find the answer. i still don't mind, it's just tiring.

tomorrow i get to train nate to take over some of the few things i won't have time to do anymore, then i get to be trained for most of the rest of the day, because part of being assistant manager is being able to take over as actual manager in case of an emergency. that means learning to do my new job, and also how to do all of what my boss does. tomorrow's the first day this week i won't be in early.. i can actually get to work at 9, not 7 or 8. that will be glorious. i'll likely have about 2 1/2 hours of overtime this payday, and maybe the next too. i'll have to see what i cando to make that more managable.

so change of plans on the images being uploaded tonight. xD i realized there's no art program on this laptop to scan into, and i can't find the cord for my camera, so i can't take a picture and upload that way. it'll sadly have to wait a while longer. i will try to get them up by the end of the week though, because they are awesome.. slightly flawed, but awesome nonetheless. naturally i caught all the errors when i was done and it was too late to fix anything.

tomorrow is kyu's birthday. i'll be going out to dinner with him (and his mom and stepdad) after work and i'm looking forward to that. i'm not gonna be able to buy his present until friday, but i know he's really gonna like it, and i've already got someone holding onto it for me, so it shouldn't be bought by anyone else first. if that exact one is bought before then, i'll get him a slightly less awesome version and he'll still like it, but i know which one i'm hoping for.

i kinda need to be getting to bed soon though. much love to everyone, and i'll see ya'll again soon.

sketches are done, but not scanned

song+ not a song, but i've been listening to a comics podcast
book+ my Birds of Prey back issues
scent+ erm.. milk? does milk have a smell?
quest+ getting kyu's present before next week
upper+ i know what i'm getting kyu for his birthday
downer+ sooo tired..
attire+ green peasant top and black capris
drink+ milk! as per usual..

anyhow, i've done the sketches for this year's costumes, and i'll try to post them tomorrow, when they're coloured. for today i've got reference pics and brief character bios. xD cause i'm a ginormous dorkbutt.

first up is Zinda Blake, aka Lady Blackhawk. in the 40s she was a pilot and markswoman with the Blackhawk Squadron, but she was pulled through a time warp and ended up in the present day, where she discovered all her comrades had died. she spent some time with a green lantern before joining the Birds of Prey, Barbra Gordon's crimefighting organization. she mainly acts as their pilot, operating their jet (the aerie one) or the helicopter (the aerie two) she has been known involve herself in the action though. she's an accomplished linguist too, most proud of being able to order beer in thirty languages. xD

moving on, we've got Misfit, legally known as Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe.. Charlie for short. she was living in a poorer region of gotham with her single mother and younger sister until a fire killed them. Misfit is the single most powerful teleporter known in the DCU, but nothing living survives "bouncing" with her, so she was powerless to help her loved ones. she also has slightly augmented strength and an immense healing factor. she was shot int the stomach once and had recovered a few panels later, the eqivalent of about fifteen minutes real time. recently Babs discovered misfit's situation and more or less adopted her. she's not one of the Birds, but she's bounced her way into two or three missions already. the next few storylines are supposed to focus on the family dynamic of Misfit, Zinda, Barbara and Helena rather than the militaristic team aspect. i'm really looking forward to them. the writer is the same one taking over Teen Titans and he's known for being able to write realistic relationships in a way that doesn't make you feel infantile for liking it. should be really fun.

next up, the White Queen. born into a wealthy boston family Emma Grace Frost was somewhat neglected. around her junior year her mutant ability manifested and only her teacher was able to help her past the migranes her pshychic abilities were causing, helping her to graduate at the top of her class. Emma was so inspired she decided all the wanted was to be a teacher. this seriously upset her father and after a big argument, she walked away from the Frost fortune, swearing she'd make her own way in life. she became a dancer at the Hellfire Club, reading the minds of the millionaires to learn how to make her own way. she taught at two different mutant schools. the first school closed when her students were murdered and she was left in a coma. later professor xavier helped find her a position teaching in the mutant nation of genosha. that came to an end when a swarm of mutant-hunting sentinels slaughtered every last life on the island, excepting Emma. she survived when a secondary mutation manifested, allowing her to turn her body to diamond. after she was granted the position of co-headmaster of the xavier institute for gifted children by the professor. she's finally found love in the form of Scott Summers, Cyclops.. the other headmaster of the school.

last but not least Laura Kinney, designation X-23. created in a science lab, she's more or less a clone of Wolverine. the genetic sample the facility had was damaged, so certain strands were altered making her more like a twin genetically. she was trained and conditioned to be a weapon, and spent the first 11 years of her life enslaved by her creators, until the woman who'd carried her to term and thought of her as a daughter set her free and gave her a name. Laura has sharpened, adamantium coated claws in her hands and feet. after escaping she found her cousins, but decided they wouldn't be safe if she was with them, so she faked their murders and helped them escape the country. she spent the next year in new york, some of it as a prostitute before finding the X-men and joining other mutants her age at the institute. she and Emma had a great deal of friction in their relationship at first, but recently they've come to an understanding of sorts that the last thing either of them wants is to lose more of their loved ones. Laura wears a locket with a picture of her mother, and one of her cousin. and has a somewhat gothy sense of fashion, possibly due to all the ickyness that's happened in her life.. or just cause writers think all thirteen year olds should be goth. whatever.

whoo first post!

song+ Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne- The Best Damn Thing
book+ my DC Comics Colvergirls retrospective book
scent+ chocolate mint thingies
quest+ figuring out the details i'll need to do this year's costumes
upper+ my promotion and raise
downer+ rediculously early wakeup times for another few days
attire+ red and creme tank and pajama pants
drink+ milk! as per usual..

so this is totally the first post. yay! i'm ganking the formatting straight from my gaia journal, which is what i've used off and on for the past few years because it's so easy to use. unfortunately, it's not so easy for everyone else to keep up with, since you have to be a member to view it.. everyone and their dog uses blogger though, so i figured it was about time to switch over.

today was a good day. my nephew had his blessing in church today, and i went for that. after we all got together for late lunch/early dinner. a good time was had by all, even if we stayed a bit later than i would have liked. now that i'm home i'll likely work on more costume designs to decide what the moose and i shall wear to Wizard World Texas this november.

i love going to WWTx, i've gone the past several years, but last year was the first time i wore a costume. last year was also the first year the moose attended, so naturally i made her dress up too. i went as Zatanna a justice league member (magician, does magic by saying her spells backwards) the moose went as Raven, daughter of trigon (another magician, psychic and empath). several people recognized our characters, but no one recognized the both of us.. the younger crowd was all "oh wow! raven!" and all the older comic fans were like "hey, zatanna, you hardly ever see her anymore!" so i did this doll to illustrate that.

i did it in fireworks, which i prefer over photoshop. unfortunately this current computer has neither, so my current banner and layout are somewhat lackluster. i'll improve them when i have the best tools to work with to get the job done right. i'm planning to buy myself a new computer in the next month or two and at that point i'll install fireworks and go nuts on everything. should be great fun.

anyhow this year at WWTx the moose and i wanted to dress up again, but following a better theme. we were thinking of having a marvel comics day and a dc comics day. on the marvel day i'd be Emma Frost, the White Queen and she'd be Laura Kinney, X-23. on our dc day i was originally thinking we'd do Dinah Lance, the Black Canary, and she'd do Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress, but those costumes would be waaaay hard and i'm slightly lazy. so instead i'm thinking i could do Zinda Blake, the Lady Blackhawk (time displaced girl fighter pilot from the 40's) and moose will be Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe, aka Misfit (teleporting teenage vigilante). both costumes are cute and simple and i wouldn't make myself crazy making them. should be interesting. i'll see about posting my costume sketches in a day or two. i'll have to hook the laptop up to the scanner first and that's kinda a pain..