State of the Neko address: week 71

song+ Love You Like A Love Song- Selena Gomez & the Scene- When the Sun Goes Down
book+ nothing
quest+ getting rid of a bunch of stuff
upper+ getting out more lately
downer+ Kyu didn't get the better job
attire+ summer pajamas
drink+ water

i want a home, a place of my own that i can put myself into. i want it to look like an extension of us, i want built-in shelving for the multitude of books (and toys, let's be honest) owned by myself and Kyu. i want to paint every room in colors other than white. i am SICK of white walls, it's all i've seen wherever i've lived for most of my life, i'm ready for color everywhere. i want a yard so Harley can run and play in it to release her energy and not chew up everything she can reach. i wanna hang art without worrying about what'll happen to my security deposit, and i wanna be able to invite people over without worrying about strange neighbors doing bizarre things to freak them out. i'm not at a point where it's realistic to go about looking for a home yet though, so instead i'm looking for an apartment we can live in for a few years that i won't hate after 6 months. tomorrow Moose is taking me to look at some places that i found online that are comparable to our current place so far as floorspace goes, but considerably more affordable due to not being on the college campus. all options are within the same walking distance from Kyu's job that our current place is, and two of them will save us a noticeable amount on our bills every month (courtesy of actually being bills-paid). after talking to the management and possibly touring the grounds i'll have a better idea of where we should focus our efforts. it's my job to do the initial searching, eliminating the things that obviously won't work since Kyu doesn't have the time, working what amounts to two full-time jobs.

i hate living in this neighborhood, and i realize that there's not much better we can do while we're still walking everywhere, but there are places where we won't hear drunken college parties ending at 3am. i don't wanna worry about the guests of residents of the place across the street parking in reserved spaces in front of my door for said parties (agitating the dog), then swearing loudly when the party is done and their vehicle has been towed (agitating the dog, myself, and Kyu). i've been dealing with that for about 3 years now. i want the kitchen to work, all of it. in our current kitchen, half of the cabinets can't be opened without smashing into the ceiling lighting, the oven's pilot light goes out about every other day, the dishwasher has never worked, and the sink doesn't drain (and it smells atrocious). we wash dishes in the half-bath sink under our stairs. in addition to all that our refrigerator door is attached backwards. easily the least of our troubles, but it's frustrating to have nothing work and nothing get fixed, ever. in addition to the fail!kitchen, our whole complex loses AC about once a month on average, nothing has been done about the bug problem we've been fighting for years, and the upstairs bathroom is breaking down. there's a rust-worn hole in the sink, the shower head is coming detached from the wall and the angle can't be changed at all, and the hot water knob has fallen off a few times and only works a third of the time.. of course since it's always stupid hot, we just take cold showers anyway. *sigh*

i think i wanna go back to school. or more accurately, i think i wanna finally start college. i miss taking art courses, not for instruction really, but companionship and inspiration of fellow creative types. i wanna take all kinds of art classes though, sculpture, pottery, drawing, painting, glass blowing, metal working. i wanna try it all, but i REALLY miss working with clay on the wheel. i loved the semester of ceramics where i was throwing dishes. i think i ended up giving away most of it, and the stuff i kept mostly got broken in the course of multiple moves, but i wanna do more. i've always wanted to create. my goal for my future has always been simple: i want to successfully share my artistic vision with someone else. all i want is for someone to look at a finished piece and see what i envisioned when i conceived the idea. that's part of why i have little professional ambition, as long as someone understands what i'm trying to do, i'm satisfied. it's not the most financially secure point of view to have though, and i realize i need to be doing more. maybe by refining my skills and expanding what i know i'll find a way to make my art do more for me. because 90% of my creative process is instinct, i have trouble when it comes to trying to figure out a price to sell anything at that's fair to both myself and a potential buyer. i do it as a form of cathartic therapy, so beyond the cost of material what's a fair profit? i don't know comparatively what my feelings captured are worth to someone else. i dunno, i guess the easiest thing to do would be to gather a selection of what i've done then ask people what they'd be willing to pay for it? facing other people judging my vision is terrifying though. i had a pretty huge panic attack last Christmas when i decided to bring my dress design portfolio to the family gathering to ask for feedback, i'm terrified i'm not half as good as i think i am.

in preparation for moving (even though it's still a few months away) i've been going through my collections of STUFF accumulated through the years, and i've realized that a lot of it means nothing to me at all anymore. it just stuff and i don't think i'll have any trouble getting rid of it. this means that closets full of boxes of stuff can be reduced to actually organized closets with a logical inventory system for art supplies and finished projects, organized boxes of books can be unpacked to actual shelving so it can be read again, and the tons of comic issues i have in both single issue and trade/hard cover format can be sold for store credit to buy something else that'll take up much less space. like another Wonder Woman shirt (because you can never have too many) or models for my Warhammer army, or trades that have been released in the past year that i didn't buy yet. i'm also ready to finally go through my closet and get rid of the stuff that doesn't fit anymore (and hasn't in a LONG time). holding onto it while i steadily gained weight was a form of denial, and if i get rid of it i'll have space for the stuff that does fit, and when i do lose weight again, i can buy new cuter things to make up the difference.. though i'll also take in the bigger things i don't wanna get rid of. in the last 7 years i've gone from a size 8 to a size 18 (then back down to 16), and i don't like being so big. i know i'll never be slim, but i'd be happy to be an 8 again. i'm eating healthier though, limiting fast food, and quitting soda. drinking more juices, and less milk (which for me really is an issue). most importantly i'm actually doing things again. i walk to and from the tattoo shop a few nights a week for social interaction, and i walk Harley with Kyu at night around the neighborhood. i walked 2 miles on the Lamar high track with Moose and Eric a few weeks ago, and we'll be going again before too long. if i can get enough thrown out to streamline the living room's layout i'll hook up my Kinect again and get back to dancing for my workout, but it's tricky since it requires so much space and Harley is prone to getting in the way. i have my Wii hooked up in the office, but it's too crowded to use in there right now, and after the Kinect, the Wii feels too easy, like i'm not trying hard enough. xD

State of the Neko address: week 70

song+ Don't Tell Me- Avril Lavigne- Under My Skin
book+ nothing
quest+ finishing the dress i'm sewing
upper+ Kyu's job interview is Thursday!
downer+ been feeling under the weather
attire+ summer pajamas
drink+ water

i've been thinking about weddings lately. i suppose it's a side effect of having my childhood best friend get married recently and having another good friend in the midst of planning hers. part of the reason that Kyu and i have made no efforts to get married ourselves, is that it's kinda the last grown-up thing we haven't tried. a lot of growing up was forced on us earlier in our relationship, so not being married is kinda like a rebellion against growing up. we've been a couple for 9 years, and living together for 5 or 6 of them. spring of 2014 will be our 10 year high school reunion, and i've realized i wanna be married by then. i know i'm a different person now than i was then, and i don't want the defining thing about the 10 year span of time to be my inability to accept change in my life. so yeah, i'm talking things over with Kyu and i'm starting to plan things again. i've got designs for dresses drawn up that i wanna talk over with mom, since she'll be sewing them. i'm starting to think about themes and how much of it i can do myself, because i want something deeply personal, created just for us to be shared with the people we love. i'll wanna talk to my sisters too, because the ones that have had weddings are sure to have advice on what i may not realize will be difficult, and the ones that haven't had them are inherently creative and know me very well, and i think they'll have insights into personalization that won't occur to me. i've started making lists though. xD so far the prevailing school of thought is Old Hollywood Glamour as a theme. movie star gowns and Rat Pack suits, with fedoras. i was initially inclined to 50s inspired gowns, but i've found myself working closer to a 30s Art Deco inspiration.

i've been working on sewing a doll dress in the silhouette of my designed gown to see how workable it is, and so far i'm pleased. it's slow-going though, my sewing machine has been in Krista's car since late-April, so i'm doing everything by hand. xD it's actually a relatively simple pattern for the complexity of the design, and i think if it works out right, it's one i could be content to replicate for sales purposes. i'm eager to see how it'd turn out in different fabrics too, with alternate detailing. the current iteration is being done in shades of red, because that's what i have on hand, and it's for FaithAnn because she's the most in need of attention lately. i took a break from it yesterday after cutting my finger, but i think today i'm ready to get back to work on it.

while working on other things, i've been working on listening to all my music again. i'm working my way through my iTunes library alphabetically. i've finally reached B, but it'll be a long while still before it's done and everything's been listened to. it's made me realize that as much as i love music, and i'm a decent singer, i don't think of myself as a musician. i have a great appreciation for it, and it's always with me in some way, but i lack the capacity to create it and express myself adequately. Kyu was asking if i want a guitar or a drum set to lean to express it, but i think i'd rather learn piano or keyboard, for space reasons primarily, but also because i imagine it's the best option for fingers prone to locking in position. anything that requires precise finger placement is pretty much not an option for me. my double-jointed fingers (everything but my thumbs) lock into position involuntarily from time to time, which is why i was so terrible at recorder when i learned it in elementary school. X.x i wish i could figure out how to share what i hear though, i'm better at expressing my artistic visions than my musical ones.

State of the Neko address: week 69

song+ Magic- B.o.B.- the Adventures of Bobby Ray
book+ nothing
quest+ getting painting again
upper+ Kyu may have a new job lined up
downer+ can't think of one..
attire+ blue and white sundress
drink+ milk

things are going a bit better on the computer front now. Kyu bought a replacement monitor for 5 bucks that had no cords, but it ended up being just as dead as my other one, so we dug into the closet and got out our bulky spare. my desk had to be pulled away from the wall to fit it, but i'm at my computer again, even if i am back at 800 resolution. xD i got spoiled by my old wide screen. *sigh*

last weekend was fun with Lachelle's wedding reception. i went with Moose as Kyu had to be at a tattoo convention and Eric hurt himself so we were both without our boyfriends. that worked out fine really. xD we danced together and had fun sitting with Jenni & Derek, and off and on Angela & Jaren and Angela & Bret.

it's funny, as soon as i made the actual decision to go to the bank and talk to someone about getting a loan or credit card to buy what i still need to REALLY get my business going, i managed to find the paintbrushes i've been looking for for about 3 months. xD i guess that means i'm doing the right thing? i'm a big believer in nonverbal signs from the universe that i'm doing the right thing, sometimes it's a feeling, and sometimes it's EVERYTHING going right for me. xD yesterday i registered Atelier Nekokoi as my business name, with the things mom translated for me being used to differentiate the types of products i'll be offering. Atelier du Coeur will be my paintings, Atelier de l'Ame the doll dresses. i'm not sure what will be Atelier de l'Esprit but the three all felt right to me. today i'm going back to the bank to see what i qualify for with the initial steps taken care of.. i'm cautiously excited. xD (having been i should have results in the mail in like a week, acceptance or rejection, at least i've taken the first step.)

but yeah, yesterday afternoon i found my paintbrushes after getting home from registering the name. they were in a place i've easily checked four or five times, but having found them, i've washed the dust out of them and am looking forward to using them. i enjoyed my painting day with moose a while back, but i wanna be able to paint as a solitary venture since that's likely to turn out entirely different results. i just have to put away some of the other art stuff in the office first so there's room to set up my easel. xD i have so much art stuff that i can't have it all in a position to be used at the same time. since we're getting onto Pathfinder now, i'll likely put away my Warhammer things in the hall closet, and some of my fabric inventory in the office closet so i can set up the easel by the window. that seems like the best compromise to me in terms of productivity and ease.

State of the Neko address: week 68

song+ Better than Revenge- Taylor Swift- Speak Now
book+ Pokemon Emerald guide
quest+ getting my back normal again
upper+ X-Men: First Class was amazing!
downer+ i may not have enough for hair dye?
attire+ pajamas for a while longer
drink+ milk

so i've been less present than normal this week for internet-ish things. my computer's monitor died last weekend (after about 6 years of pretty much constant use) so my only access has been Kyu's laptop. this sounds fine in theory, but having my computer remember 90% of my passwords for me has me struggling to sign into anything more than e-mail. X.x also, the convenience of the laptop encourages nestling it in my laptop for hours of whatever-ing and being hunched over for the better part of a week has left my back incredibly sore. i've been trying to fix it for a day now with exaggerated leaning back and elaborate pillow constructs designed to help me stretch out the cramping. fortunately Kyu has a lead on a replacement that'll actually fit at my desk. i like my desk, but it was designed by a snob that assumed everyone on earth has a flat, non-bulky screen for their PC. it kinda limits my replacement options since only certain types will even fit.

otherwise i guess things are going fine. the Pathfinder game continues to be fun, and a select few of us are thinking of doubling up and playing a secondary game to explore alternate characterization. i've got the base colors on Krista's ranger character model. the details will get finished when i can find my super fine brush. my animal companions have been painted rather accurately and my Druid model has been primed. any further progress is waiting for the back pain to recede since i'd rather not have my efforts wrecked by involuntary twitching. X.x

i found my copy of Zelda: Minish Cap this week and started a new file on it. for the first time i managed to beat it! i'm kinda thrilled over it still as the unrelenting boss difficulty has always held me back before. one of my attempts stalled at the (real) air temple, and another at the final series of fights. this time i made it through to the Vaati fights at 8 hearts (with no way to refill) 3 bottled fairies (which do revive in this game, but only restore like 4 hearts!) and Farore's bottled charm (increased dmg output/ half dmg taken for a limited time). i used all of my fairies after dying in rounds two and three and the charm at the last minute (i'd honestly forgotten i had it). i ended at two and three quarters hearts and the volume off so i wouldn't hear the obnoxious "you're about to die! oh no!" chiming. thanks game, if not for your persistent beeping i'd be entirely unaware that i'd gone from 19 health to less than three! ugh. it sounds like i'm complaining, but i enjoyed playing it. i think it's one of the most challenging Zelda titles without edging into "the game is cheating" unrelenting difficulty. i can't beat Spirit Tracks because the haunted trains cheat and there's a mini game that stops me after two temples that i've never managed to pass. if i could bypass the touch controls i'd likely do better, but i can't so i've yet to beat that game though i was really enjoying it until that point.

State of the Neko address: week 67

song+ ET- Katy Perry- Teenage dream
book+ nothing
quest+ getting my hair red
upper+ this week has been mostly awesome
downer+ i may not have enough for hair dye?
attire+ jeans and a red blouse
drink+ water

i just realized it's Thursday and i hadn't yet posted for this week. xD i've had a great one though, been busy and social and productive.

Sunday night Wolfie and Suzy were in a motorcycle accident. they're both okay, but the bike didn't make it. essentially they were heading down Cooper (a 7-lane street for the reference of non-local readers 3 one way, 3 the other and a turn lane in the middle) in the left lane going their direction when some jerk in the far right lane decided to make a 90 degree turn across two lanes to make it to the turn-lane. he cut off other cars too, but Wolfie had to lay the bike down to keep from being hit directly by the front end of that guy's car. Suzy fell off and rolled and another driver's good reflexes kept her from being hit (just scraped and bruised). Wolfie ended up flying over the bike and landing on the car's front hood, at which point the guy gunned the engine to make him fall off it and tried to flee the scene. he didn't get away. the bike is a loss (after less than a month of having it) and since there's PLENTY of witnesses the guy's insurance will be the one paying out. this led to me chihuahua-sitting during the requisite hospital trip to check for damage and get tetanus shots, then more overnight when they stayed with a friend to be pampered.

Monday was Lachelle's bridal shower. Jenni picked me up so i was able to make it and spend some time catching up, then after that i had plans with Krista. we went up the the Highlands and visited Moose at work. she did our makeup for fun, really so we could visit and have it look like she was still working, then we left her and visited all the neat stores we never really have time to look at around there. Charming Charlie's is possibly the neatest store ever. i got a cute little black headband with a satin bow and some black feathers, and i kinda fell in love with this delightfully gaudy peacock-shaped bracelet that's practically made of swarovski crystals. i didn't get it, but i'm still thinking about it three days later, so i might at some point. it manages to cross the border from tacky to fantastic, i think. xD but basically Monday was running around having an awesome time looking at things we mostly couldn't afford.

Tuesday was my chill day this week. i slept in, walked the dog, not much else. did a little further housing research locally. after the motorcycle drama of the weekend Kyu realized he's not ready to move away from his family. less as a security thing for him and more as a "what if they need me?" thing, so we're no longer thinking we'll move out of state and i've been refocusing my search on a few different local areas. i'm okay with Arlington, most of my family is here after all, but i'm also looking at other places that could be options depending on how a few other things work out in the next few months. for sure when our lease is up in October we want out of this place, even if it's to another apartment for a while, but i hate it here. before i just didn't like it, now i hate it. it sucks and i'm ready to be gone, so in October we will be.

Wednesday was another Krista day. we visited the one store we wanted to try out but couldn't Monday since they were closed, then headed to the mall to do more "oh i wish i had money" shopping together. xD Krista isn't a fan of the mall, so a nearly-barren Wednesday early-afternoon is the best time for her to go. we did find some really cute outfits for her though. almost entirely clearance items, so we actually made a return trip later and her boyfriend bought them for her. i did get one cute blouse (also clearance) though. i like shopping the closeout racks because with a little creativity the items can work in most any season, and if it's there for being damaged, my sewing skills are generally more than enough to repair something. my blouse had some lazy sewing and a few loose buttons. after about 10 minutes with it at home it looks fine, and not like a 12 dollar shirt. xD

today is scheduled to be a Moose day with a side helping of additional Krista. xD this morning Moose and i will be (most likely) doing my hair. i have an urge to be a redhead that was never actually accomplished before, so i figure if we could get me green before, we can probably get me red now. the dying is dependent on if i can find a shade i like for about 5 bucks since it's what i have left after yesterday. after hair adventures (however they turn out) we're meeting Krista and going shopping for Moose's anniversary gift to Eric. she's excited and a bit nervous as most of her relationships have never made it to a year. i think i'm a little jaded having been with my high school sweetheart for 9 years as of April.. xD i'm sure the three of us will find something good though.