doll photos! (image heavy)

song+ Chains of Love -Erasure
book+ i've been reading a lot of manga, specifically ouran high host club
scent+ dr pepper and frozen italian
quest+ saving for tons of crap
upper+ my tax refund should be here soon
downer+ i currently have more expenses than income
attire+ pajama pants, grey tank top
drink+ dr pepper

so i was talking to ro-ro (as naku is prone to calling her) off and on all day today and i decided to have the girls do a fashion show of all the clothes i have for them. i know last time i was on i was talking about all the stuff i was gonna make for them, but that hasn't happened yet because my sewing machine died right around christmas. X.x; that sucks.

most of this stuff was bought from build a bear. it's meant to fit their friends2bmade line, but it also fits msd sized dolls pretty well. i made another f2bm order this weekend, so i'll photograph that when it gets here too. most of these are of my girls, because kyu hasn't bought anything for his boys yet. it's kinda funny to see the difference in fit between larxene and bea.

there's a lot of photos here, and i dunno how to do a cut, but i'll try to make them all a manageable size.

the girls wrapped in scrap cloth just for fun.

i made this skirt when ro-ro got ro. xD it's too big for bea and too small for larxene. also notice the difference in the fit on the top.

larxene's original outfit. she prefers it as shown below.

bea has to cinch the same top super tightly to keep her chest covered.

larxene's favourite tee.

vivi's tee. loose on both girls.

bea doesn't like blue, she just got the outfit because the skirt was cute.

bea's sporty ensemble. i took the sequins off the top because they looked ready to pop off and hit someone in the eye. xD

another one of vivi's tops. veeery tight on larxene.

a stripey top perfect for bea.. and her hello kitty panties. xD

another top way too tight for larxene.. xD

this whole outfit just fits bea better. especially since larxene doesn't really like pink very much. she wouldn't hold still for this photo. X.x

snuggley bathrobe!

i made this dress by fitting it on ro, before i know bea's torso would be so much slimmer. it's a little too loose on her to be appropriate.

very short dress. i thought it would be longer when i bought it for her.

loose top and red stretchy skirt. cuteness.

one of bea's favorite outfits.

a newer one she hasn't worn much.

bea's minnie mouse dress. xD that's what she calls it.

bea trying on vivi's wig just for fun. a little jarring to me. xD

what older sister hasn't tried to shove the younger one out of a photo every now and then? xD

floppip and bowser interrupting sister-time xD

bowser assaulting vivi. but only because he loves him! xD

vivi playing with larxene's guitar.

*bang bang!* [insert gun here ^]

man-bat!

puppy time!

the return of pimp-iana jones. xD that's what he's been calling himself when he wears the hat.

ha! two days in a row! (image heavy)

song+ Without Love -Hairspray (what can i say? it's a good soundtrack!)
book+ my sketchbook. i;m working on doll clothes designs
scent+ i dunno, dad's cooking something..
quest+ working on doll clothes
upper+ i have some really nice fabrics to use
downer+ it's hard to find decent free patterns. X.x really hard
attire+ pajama pants, grey tank top
drink+ nothing currently. maybe root beer in a bit

so i finally got around to posting convention photos on gaia, and i figured i might as well do them here too. descriptions above the photos. not too many, but they're a little large.
me and moose last year as zatanna and raven

moose w/ george perez, who created raven

me w/greg horn, who paints amazingly hot (though sometimes anatomically erroneous) covers

kyu in my tophat w/cane at the end of the day.

and on to this year! i forgot to take off my glasses for a lot of the photos, but i remembered for most of the pics other people took. xD and yes, i am aware of the fact that i make an atrocious blonde..
me as lady blackhawk

me w/a really good scarecrow

me w/dan didio, Editor in Chief of dc comics. his speech bubble would totally read "aren't you the girl that hates me?" since i'd given him my batgirl rant the day before. i don't hate him, i was just airing a year of grievances. he's done a really great job with so many other books..

kyu w/dan didio.. pre batgirl rant (the day before my pic with him)

kyu w/adam kubert, one of his comic-drawing heroes

a really good hal jordan and katma tui green lantern pair

that's the green lanterns as wonder woman and superman, posing with an unaffiliated catwoman

dr strange! by the hoary hosts! xD

go go power rangers!

and the creme de la creme of cosplay, a giant roll of toilet paper riding a mechanical bull

this was a chalk and charcoal reproduction of the sketch cover we got for preordering our tickets. it was so big the artist sat on wolverine's head indian style to do the top. it's amazing.

quiz/meme thingy

song+ You Can't Stop the Beat- Hairspray (the new one)
book+ Ultra Maniac and Yume Kira Dream Shoppe
scent+ pumpkin pie. gotta love the holidays!
quest+ working on doll clothes
upper+ i had a ton of fun at wizard world
downer+ i miss kyu. he's at his grandpa's
attire+ pajama pants, hello kitty slippers, my brown robe. it's lazy time.
drink+ milk.yay milk!

mom and rorek did this a while ago, so i guess it's my turn. xD finally.
1. What were you afraid of as a child?
abandonment. failure. also grass and horses the same things i'm still afraid of. people, phones.
2. When have you been most courageous?
i can't think of a particular moment.. the way i see it, i'm always me, so i doubt i'd notice an abundance of courage at any particular time.
3. What sound most disturbs you?
nails on a chalkboard.. dad leaving his talk radio blaring 24/7 mundane noises really. the narration in kyu's wrestling games. X.x i really hate that.
4. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you’ve been in?
a particularly horrible month sophomore year. not a good time for me.. it was most of november, actually. a few people know what happened then and can understand how hard it was for me.
5. What’s your biggest fear for your children?
that they'll be as stubborn as me and have to go through even half the hardships i have rather than learning form my mistakes.
6. What is the hardest physical challenge you’ve achieved?
getting through the events in question 4. wearing heels for a whole day at a convention is a distant second.
7. Which do you prefer: Mountains or oceans/big water?
i LOVE the water. i'm not around it often, but being near it fills me with a peace i've never known elsewhere.
8. What is the one thing you do for yourself that helps you keep everything together?
i let myself fall apart, then i pick up the pieces. i've never been able to cope any other way *shrug*
9. Ever had a close relative or friend with cancer?
some grandparents, but i hardly remember them, so no one close really.
10. What are the things your friends count on you for?
i don't know as i've never had to count on myself, but i'd like to think i'm good at emotional support i listen to problems and do what i can to help
11. What is the best part of being in a committed relationship?
the snuggles
12. What is the hardest part of being in a committed relationship?
the same thing that's hard about any relationship: misunderstanding. the downside to no two people being exactly alike is that no two people think exactly the same. that unfortunately means there are arguments sometimes when things get out of control.
13. Summer or Winter?
whichever i'm in. i've always loved summer, but i tend to forget how much i love it whenever another season comes around. it's kinda a love the one you're with thing xD
14. Have you ever been in a school-yard fight?
a few. i can usually walk away from a fight, but there have been cases where i didnt. that pride thing again. sensing a pattern yet?
15. Why blog?
it's a way to express myself without feeling like i'm forcing my feelings on other people.
16. Did you learn about sex, and/or sex safety from your parents?
not that i recall. i just knew things. nothing was really mystery about it to me. it kinda embarrassed mom to talk about it, and i don't remember any of my sisters giving me "the talk", i just knew. i didn't know it was supposed to be something you needed to be told.
17. How do you plan to talk to your kids about sex and/or sex safety?
hmm. i guess that'll depend on it they need to be talked to about it.
18. What are you most thankful for this year?
the wonderful people in my life. they make it that much easier to try to be happy.

happy my birthday! ..yesterday.

song+ the Burn- Matchbox Twenty- Mad Season(? or More Than You Think You Are)
book+ the guide i downloaded and printed out for Shadow Hearts 2
scent+ clean winter morning
quest+ maybe finishing zinda by hallowe'en
upper+ the chauffeur cap should ship soon
downer+ i really need to make the actual uniform
attire+ jeans, sneakers, brown undershirt, lighter brown tee
drink+ milk. in a little bit..

so my birthday was yesterday. it was nice. kyu bought me a bouquet of mixed roses, they're lovely. i also got a movie i like and a few cards. even though this is a busy week at work (due to a large load of comics, previews coming in, and it being international week on top of that) mike has been oddly reasonable. docile, even. he left us all our people, and even sent over one of his. we'd been getting done on wednesday lately, so it almost feels like we're behind since we only got the post out yesterday. ups and foreign ship today.

i'm working on feeling better. just throwing that out there.

not really making progress on the zinda costume. i still haven't even modded the pattern, much less started sewing it, but i plan to definintely work on that this weekend, since i'd really like to wear it to work on hallowe'en. we'll see how that goes though. anyway, not much time, so this is it for now.

again with the taking forever..

song+ For Good- Original Cast Recording- Wicked Soundtrack
book+ November previews!
scent+ burnt toast (poppa's) and chocolate (mine)
quest+ maybe finishing zinda by hallowe'en
upper+ i have about 80% of that one done
downer+ still have to do everything on two whole costumes and most of a third
attire+ grey undershirt, black satin pajama pants and a hoodie pilfered from kyu
drink+ cherry vanilla dr pepper

so moose just called me, when she gets back from her choir thing, we'll go shopping for more costume pieces. i'm really hoping to have the zinda costume done by hallowe'en. i'd love to wear it to work. all i need is the hat, a blonde wig of appropriate curliness, and gloves. i have the pattern and the fabric to make the rest, and i bought the boots a few weeks ago. it'll be awesome when i'm done.

so my gaia avatar is totally reflecting my current mood. it's in black, because as much as i've tried to pull myself back up in the past month. i feel like i haven't made any real progress. i guess i've been in denial of what was really bothering me. i've taken steps to fix that though, i sent umi an e-mail. i miss her very much and it's like a part of me is missing when i don't hear from her. a while back she got accepted to a good corps de ballet in new york. i'm thrilled about that because she deserves it. when it happened though, she posted a message effectively cutting everyone out of her life so she could make her own decisions and not feel pressured. i wasn't sure if the space thing applied to me too, but i sent one last message saying i could respect it if it was. i didn't get a reply, so i figured i'd just back off and try to live my life. i'm really having trouble though.

i love aimee. heart and soul, who she is is a huge part of who i am. i'm not the best pen pal, i get spacey and forget to write. i've also lost letters before, but i do try. when i have internet access, i'm good about checking messages and replying when needed. i check my e-mail every day, and my gaia. i don't always post here, but that's partly frustration over limitations on a computer that's not mine. what i'm getting at is that i feel like i'm stuck in mourning for a relationship that i'm not really ready to let go of. there's so much more i can give, so much left for me to learn from her. i could handle being here while she's there going for her dreams if i knew i still mattered at all to her.. i'm afraid i'm going to keep holding out for more, and one day i'll wake up 60 with most of my life past and i will have missed so much because i was waiting for that one last thing. kyu deserves better. it's not right for me to put off my dreams with him on the off chance i'll hear from her and she'll want something that conflicts with whatever i've finally committed to. she's not selfish like that, but fears don't have to be logical. if they were, we likely wouldn't be afraid.

kyu's off visiting grandpa this weekend, so i was laying about this morning, thinking and feeling alone and my thoughts drifted to missing her, as they often do. that's when i decided to check my messages and mom's blog. my normal morning routine. one of mom's best friends died and she posted about it. he was a good person, and i feel for her. he didn't live nearby anymore, so she never really had a chance to say goodbye. you never really do with car accidents, but she hadn't seen him recently, and i could relate. i read her post, with her honest grief and love, and i could totally understand how it would feel to lose someone who meant so much and also lose the chance to ever have that unique anything with them again. that's what made me send umi the e-mail.

she's far from me, and i haven't seen her in a long long time. i don't want to ever feel like she's totally no-return gone and i failed to fix things. i don't want to regret not taking action, i don't believe in it. i make mistakes and i learn from them, but i never indulge in "i should have"s. i've lived this long without regret, and i think i'm better off this way..

so mommy, hugs and sympathy for you. i know that you're hurting badly, but i'm here if you need me.

kyu, i love you. you're amazing and i'll keep working to make you happy.

rorek, you be happy too. hold onto what's dear to you and don't be ashamed to live with all the passion inside of you.

moose. i don't think you read this, but i love you too. *huggles*

and lastly, umi: please, i'm pleading, let me try to be strong with you. i don't want to destroy your dreams or hold you back. i'd love to cheer you on and hold you up, if you'd let me. so much of me is made of my relationship with you, please let me feel complete again.

it's quiz time!

song+ Friend or Foe- t.A.T.u. - Dangerous and Moving
book+ the guide to ff8. i'm working on my no-level file
scent+ gummy peach rings!
quest+ holding onto enough money to get Z:PH and the Zinda boots on monday
upper+ Zelda: Phantom Hourglass comes out on Monday!
downer+ being sick last week left my check small and funds short
attire+ my pajamas
drink+ milk again

so i think i'll have the best luck doing my posting on weekends, when i won't be too tired to make sense. i'm starting off by taking the quizzes from rorek's journal, because i love these things. then moving on to several others. xD after that i'm gonns go play my no-level Final Fantasy 8 file. i'm having good neurotic fun with it. huzzah! i'll try to post something real tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.

faythe --

[adjective]: Like in nature to a train-riding hobo

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

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You Are Superman

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. And pretty cute too. No wonder you're the most popular superhero ever!

What Superhero Are You?

Your Birthdate: October 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

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You are a 1950s Diva

High heels, pretty dresses, classic makeup... You're a feminine beauty who knows how to play up her assets!

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You Are 84% Intuitive

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Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily. You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others. You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

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it's been a while, huh.

song+ When You're Gone- Avril Lavigne -The Best Damn Thing
book+ October previews!
scent+ can't smell anything due to allergies
quest+ getting more stuff finally unpacked
upper+ the pieces for WW costumes are coming together
downer+ a downswing again
attire+ denim shorts and a justice league tee
drink+ sprite.. surprise!

so it's been a while and i'm sorry for that. i wanted to wait till i could post the costume designs, but that could take a while longer. on the bright side when i get around to it, i'll have loads of other things to show off too. i should have enough money saved up to buy my own computer by the end of october though, so that's a plus. then i'll be able to spice this blog up and do all the arty things i've missed since the old PC pretty much keeled over and died.

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. the kind that doesn't always do you any good. i've been wondering the merits of giving up on something i really want vs the pain of holding out for what may never really have ever been mine. i try so hard to give everyone what they need. if you need space, i'm gone. need a shoulder? i'm there. i'm not saying i'm a saint by any means, i don't do much more than i've ever asked of others. i know i can be horrendously selfish, narcissistic and self centered. i'm trying to be better though. it's just that sometimes i feel like i haven't made any progress. like no one's even noticed the effort. i never know if my epiphanies are clarity or a fit of depression, which kinda sucks.

i want so much to just be happy. i have a few other dreams, but they really all start with happiness, which lately seems to be so far out of my grasp. when i hit my lowest points i make myself stop to think about the most recent times i felt really no-strings-attached happy. i couldn't remember one today, which can't be right, because i know i've been happy lately, i just can't think of when. i know my kyu is a wonderful person and he makes me happy, but that's a string attached, happiness shouldn't ever be entirely dependant on another person. i wonder if that's a weakness in myself, thinking i always need to be able to stand on my own. i don't ever refuse help, and i even ask for it when i need it, but i still feel i shouldn't need it.

i love kyu very much. more than i can articulate, and i often feel i'm not fair to him because i'm incapable of returning all the love he gives me. there's the one little part of me that won't let go of something that was maybe never even really mine. i'm very fortunate he understands my shortcomings and loves me in spite of them. i know i'm loved, by a good many people, but sometimes the selfish part of me is louder and all i can think is that i spend so much time giving encouragement. saying the things that need to be said, the good and the bad, to kyu, to the moose, to my poppa, to anyone and everyone.. i'm that voice that says "hey, you need to do this, even if you don't want to." i'm also the voice that says "you know you can do this, you're just afraid to try. it's okay. i'm here for you." and lately i feel that no one ever thinks to be that voice for me.

i need that voice, because i'm afraid and i'm weak. i just lie and pretend i'm someone better. all i really need is for someone to see through it and say "it's okay to cry, i'm here for you and i love you" and hold me until i feel better. maybe i'm a better acress than i give myself credit for though, because in all my (almost) 22 years, not one single solitary person has seen through the mask to comfort me. everyone should know comfort doesn't mean a damned thing if you have to ask for it. i only ever seem to get that hug, that shoulder to lean on when i say out loud, or in a blog post "hey, i'm feeling weak, could i lean on you for a bit?" i have pride! it kills me to have to ask for the love i so desperately want showered upon me. and even when i ask, i don't get what i need, i get a pale shadow of it, a pathetic imitation. not that the people giving it are pathetic by any means, it's just disappointing to feel like an afterthought because it never occurs to anyone that i have needs too.

this isn't me trying to drag everyone else down, it's just what was on my mind. i think i'm on another downswing, but i'm working on climbing back up. slowly.