State of the Neko address: week 40

song+ the Only Exception- Paramore
book+ nothing
scent+ sweat (comes with being ill, unfortunately)
quest+ getting a home business pulled together
upper+ i have materials on hand to get started
downer+ i'll have to rely on self-motivation
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk

i've been meaning to post for the past week and some, it's not like anything great has happened to keep me away, i've just been stewing in my own panic and paranoia and my ego prefers not to reveal that to others. i know, pride before the fall and all that, but at least it was only a week.

basically what's up is that when i quit my last job, i went and applied at places i like to shop, thinking that i'd at least know the merchandise and have helpful opinions and such. (boy was that wrong!) i took the first job offered to me and neglected to factor in any of my neuroses. it turns out that when you have a crippling fear of strangers, don't handle phones at all well, and are kinda math dyslexic, being a HEAD CASHIER is not the best fit. since my first day on the job ended all my spare time has been spent FREAKING OUT (oddly, i handle it kinda okay while actually at work). i'm having panic attacks right and left, worrying about it is keeping me from sleeping, and the stress is literally making me sick. i've kept with it out of a sense of obligation (there's bills to pay after all) and the knowledge that tons of people hate their jobs, they just do them anyhow. i really don't think i can anymore though, so last night while i couldn't sleep i was thinking about what i'd like to do, and what i can do. after talking to Kyu on his lunch break today i've decided what i will do. i'm quitting my job this week, then doing something fulfilling.

to start with, i'm selling half my dolls- the half i kept because i enjoyed the effort of obtaining them or because they were my first. i'm keeping my Iple girls, and Momo. selling off the rest (and the things that fit them and not the ones i'm keeping) should make me enough money to help with the bills for the next month or two. after that point i should be ready to sell original designs for EiD women. that's the bulk of my plan. i LOVE fashion design, i enjoy sewing at the fiddly doll scale, and i'm not afraid of the EiD curves, so i'm going to sew for them and sell it on Etsy (and possibly Ebay) and make money that way. i know it won't be easy, but it's entirely possible. i may sew for JiD girls too, but since both mine are the large bust i won't be able to serve a pretty sizable section of that ownership, so it'll be special exceptions when i make things for them.

i need to start by making a handful of EiD patterns in large and medium bust, then i can just make what i see in my head. once the serger's set up, i can sew it all much quicker. really the only things limiting the income of that endeavor is how much i'm willing to work for it, in both the construction and the marketing. i need to be willing to put myself out there so other owners can find me, and i need to be motivated enough to keep a varied stock ready to ship out. fortunately there's a post office within walking distance, so i can do this on my own and not have to factor in fuel costs and such.

so yeah, nervous breakdown narrowly averted, (yay for that!) and most of my doll stuff will be sold over the next while. i won't be able to buy fun things for a while, but that's fine, it'll leave me time to work on actually making money. doing this i'll be able to do what i like, and when i want to i can branch out and do other things related to the same field. like beaded jewelry, or doll-scale chain-mail. it's a fascinating art, but kinda expensive, so it'll be a long while before i can even try it. xD but yeah, i'm going for it, so wish me luck!