State of the Neko address: week 55

song+ Real Emotion- FF X-2
book+ the fail-tastic mess i'm struggling with
quest+ finishing what i've started
upper+ my characters are becoming more detailed and awesome
downer+ writing woes. oh the dramatic angst
attire+ pajama pants and a tank top
drink+ milk

i'm not a writer. sure i can draft a reasonably clever blog post on a (mostly) weekly basis, but i'm no poet or novelist. sometimes it bothers me because i have ideas and i hear characters sometimes like they're speaking to me, but i can't capture them right. it's the WAY i write that bothers me. i can handle tiny snippets of dialog, but can't put them into a conversational flow. i write from a third person perspective (since i'm not in the story myself) but somehow every time is in the present tense. "so-and-so thinks this is strange as she does whatever" isn't exactly page-turning excitement.i basically end up with chunks of present-tense views into the mind of who i'm writing, from an omniscient third person point of view, then with no transition or fanfare i jump to the next event and viewpoint. there's no interaction (with words) unless it's offhand references to a teasing/playful relationship i make no effort to write itself. there's also that my own expansive vocabulary has me hating to repeat a word and the use of every synonym possible makes me look kinda pretentious and pseudo-intellectual when it's done. it's not like i have this long-buried dream of being a novelist, but i'd like to not totally suck at it. i'm perfectly capable of editing other people's work and not lousying it up. i know what's good writing and what's nigh irredeemable, but i can't write anything good if i shoot for more than a paragraph. it's not a constant frustration, but when i have a particularly insistent idea it can leave me feeling especially grumpy. like the past few days. *grumble grumble*

i've got 5730 words on this particularly stubborn idea written in the last two days. it's not godawful, but it's far from publishable, even by fanfic standards. i have the same issue with my writing that i do with my sewing, if it's not good enough for me to want to read it/buy it, it's not good enough to be shared. why should i subject others to what i wouldn't seek out myself? it's worse i think because i know the characters as though they're real people but i'm unable to write them interacting without the buffer of self-insertion, and the last thing i want is myself mucking up an otherwise promising plot line. ugh. this time i've kept going. i'm telling myself that maybe if i finish writing out the storyline in my bizarre format, after it's done i can go through it like an editor with another person's work and de-suck it in the second draft. xD by that time i'll know where it's going and what may no longer be needed and that will probably make a difference too.

i dunno, i guess i really just wanna know, other people who write (anything at all) do you have similar problems or am i just a big ball of crazytime? xD