State of the Neko address: week 58

song+ Wonderful- Wicked
book+ River's End
quest+ organizing the office
upper+ MUCH happier!
downer+ allergies are going crazy
attire+ pajamas! xD
drink+ milk (surprise surprise)

i suppose it's time for my weekly rambling again. yay consistency! xD

i'm taking baby steps toward sewing again. the first thing i did when i thought i might have been feeling better (as in not-depressed) was to draw up some new designs. i did them as really informal sketches so they don't match my other design drawings at all, but i can redo them to match later.

i think today i'll be working out the skirt pattern for what i'm referring to as the Rose dress (or the dress By Any Other Name). i don't think it should be terribly difficult to work out and i may have the pieces cut out and ready to assemble later today. i'm not rushing anything about it though, i want it to be perfect. if i get this one done and the pattern parts don't need tweaking, i can work on producing more of it in more colors. for now i only have the things on-hand to do it in burgundy and maybe black. a black dress meant to evoke the imagery of a rose is kinda morbid though.. unless i use some of my pinstriped fabric? would a black rose with white pinstripes look cool? xD

i suppose that before i get around to sewing again i'll have to move the parts of my army i've been messing with off to the side. xD they're currently spread across 80% of my workspace, and the paints and brushes are something i'll DEFINITELY want safely stowed before i get out either the fabric i can't currently afford to replace, or the patterns i spent weeks drafting. i guess that's today's undertaking: getting the army relocated, but still within convenient reach for when i feel like working on it again. guh, i have so much STUFF i need more SPACE for it all. i'm working on having less stuff, but it's a slow process and my brain keeps telling me that i need the things i find.

i'm getting better at admitting when i'll never use something again and passing it on, but there's three closets full of boxes i'm slowly going through in the weeding-out process, and i've discovered that a good chunk of the stuff is craft supplies, so i'm working on ways to use it so it doesn't go to waste. i have paint sets and feathers and a rainbow of glitter all for paintings i didn't get around to doing, so i think i'll do them this year. i've got a spectrum of beads and loads of charms being incorporated into my doll clothing designs. i have random packets of Swarovski crystals (mostly blue and red) that were for a project i realized i couldn't afford to undertake, so they just got put away. they'll be used in something, they were too damn expensive not to use them. there's boxes of fabrics i bought for projects i never did, so i'll either do them now, or use the fabric for doll stuff. i've got long boxes of comics i'm holding onto out of nostalgia or affection, so when i've cleared out enough other boxes to get to them, i'll probably go through and sell most of it for store credit to finance the rest of my army. i already have the good stuff in trades anyway, i was supporting the books i loved so they wouldn't get canceled by buying them in both forms. i'm making considerable progress going through the closets and throwing out things that won't be worn again. i used to buy two of every art supply i wanted, so i'd have one set to use, and one to keep pristine and unblemished by anything. i've since gotten over that, but it's still a desire i have. i want the set to use and fulfill my drive to create, and i want a perfect set to show off and say "look what i have, these materials show that i'm serious about my craft!" it's hard though, changing my perspective.

that's part of being a collector, it's not really something you think about doing, it's a compulsion. it's close to involuntary, and it takes more willpower to deny an urge to horde than it does to resist almost anything else. i have an addictive personality, it's why i've never even tried anything that's known to be habit-forming. i have enough trouble with the habits i already have, the last thing i need is one i already know could kill me. that makes it easy not to smoke or drink, or really corrupt my body with anything worse than junk food and an excessive consumption of milk. i will easily admit that i'm a milkaholic, i've cut back considerably (from 5 gallons of whole a week to two of 1%), but i still consume more than anyone else i know. bad day? chug a half-gallon then feel guilty for overindulging, not because it hurts my stomach (it doesn't. ever), but because milk is expensive. feeling depressed? sip all day while eating junk food and listening to lonely music. feeling good? celebratory glass while listening to happy noise and planning my next creative undertaking. except for the killing-the-liver and wrecking-family-relationships, my milk consumption has strong parallels to alcoholism. i feel unpleasant and shaky if i go a few days without it, and really if i react like this to milk, it's best for me to stay away from anything more illicit. my addictions are unlikely to kill me, but they're still there affecting most every part of my life.


unrelated, but i'm still impatiently waiting for my darling Vanille to ship to me, though there could still easily be another month to my wait. i'm fully aware that a good bit of the December Fairyland orders have yet to ship, but logic has no place in the angsty doll waiting phase. there's still a good chunk of Dec waiting to ship, but a decent chunk of Jan has been sent out, including one Jan 25 order. since i was the 30th, that means that mine could just randomly ship soon and that would be AWESOME. sadly i've seen a rush of the same dolls all shipping at once, and i'm the only Shiwoo on the waiting list in any size, so i think that could keep me from being part of a bulk shipping rush. i'm trying not to think too much about when she'll ship to me, but since i wanna be ready for her, i was wondering: mom, could you bring Chutzpah to girl day so i can play with her and get a sense of scale? it would be really helpful for me to play with a pukifee and get a sense of how small i'll need to work to garb Vanille in the style she demands. xD