song+ Holy Ground- Taylor Swift- Red
book+ the Iron Druid series
quest+ moving all my crafty stuff downstairs and rearranging my room
upper+ i did a whole painting and organized a bunch
downer+ i still can't find some stuff i KNOW i still own
attire+ starry pajama pants and a green tank
drink+ milk
this week i did like, zero all week, then suddenly felt motivated when i woke up Saturday. well, i did get ice cream with mom after her dental visit, but other than that i didn't do much of anything all week. my biggest accomplishment was getting all my painting stuff (and a few other arty things) pulled together and organized in the living room. all my paints are lined up chromatically by their various lines. it looks pretty nice overall, and it's a system i can work with well, as i learned when i (finally) got around to painting on the huge canvas i was given a few months ago. it's seriously like 3x5 or something. possibly bigger? i never measured it, just used it. it's still wet so i haven't taken any pictures yet.
i've been struggling extra hard to feel anything at all for a while now, and then when i do feel something i can identify it's generally this intensely ugly mass of ick, so i think i may be painting a lot for the next bit to just get it all out of me in a healthy kind of way. even at my darkest i never really considered self-harm, because honestly if i feel like shit, how is bleeding or whatever gonna make that better? purging negativity through aggressively garish colors in explosive patterns works better for me overall. i just feel like if i look at enough bright, i can forget that most of what i feel is so dark. if i ever start painting really dark, ya'll should probably worry. as long as i'm working bright and shiny, i'm still trying.
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