the most wonderful time of the year

song+ Big Hype -Patrick Stump -Truant Wave
book+ EAH: the Storybook of Legends
quest+ no idea
upper+ i'm still having the happiest winter season i've had in something like 15 years
downer+ i'm having a manic phase and wondering how to deal
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

i've more or less run out of things to do. like there's stuff i can do, and stuff i want to do, but i've never hit manic while happy before and i'm so peppy and excited that i'm exhausting myself before i manage to get much of anything done, then having trouble staying asleep, because i want to be DOING THINGS. i got through most of last week doing Christmas prep. i cleaned, set up the tree, and wrapped presents to or from anyone regularly in the apartment. i have nothing left to wrap and days to fill before Christmas itself arrives. this morning i have a few hours before mom picks me up for church with Jenni, then immediately after that i'm back home to get in the car and head to Grandpa's, so today's covered really. i have a painting i wanna do for James, but that's part of my Monday plan: painting, which still leaves me wondering what i'm gonna do to fill my Tuesday? like everything seems so interesting i don't know what to do first and i lost my whole weekend basically researching new ways to do things i already knew how to do, but can't afford to do.

honestly today all i'm figuring on accomplishing today is time with family. i have things packed to do in that time in my trusty Art Bag, but i really have no idea if i'll actually manage to get anything done.

but yeah, as someone whose struggled with depression most of their life, and manic/ (even worse) depressive mood swings on top of that, i have to say this is the first time a manic swing has hit when i wasn't feeling depressed. usually it kinda levels me and i feel normal-ish, but a little twitchy and anxious (and still kinda inexplicably sad) but this time i feel like i'm trying to go three ways at once and my ideas won't stay in my head, they're spilling everywhere. my inattention is of the hyper-focused variety, meaning i'm looking so hard at one tiny aspect of something for so long i miss basically everything else for hours, but MAN do i know the ins and outs of that one tiny thing. i'm also tired after being up for like 8 hours, and only managing sleep in 4-6 hour bursts, which means i'm not really rested so i'm also dealing with random muscle aches. it's really strange, i'm sure i'll figure it out though.