one word meme

song+ Kissing a Fool- Michael Buble
book+ Fables 1001 Nights of Snowfall
scent+ puppy smells and chinese. bad combo X.x
quest+ finding something to amuse myself
upper+i have tons of music on my ipod now
downer+ i have to re-download about 4 albums that deleted themselves
attire+ pajama pants and a grey tank
drink+ nothing currently

mom did this one word meme, so i'm doing it now. if i leave out the space does it count as one word? xD i'm gonna go with yes, because that's totally what i did for a few of these.

1. Where is your mobile phone? desk
2. Your significant other? kyu
3. Your hair? black
4. Your mother? lynn
5. Your father? hunsdon
6. Favorite thing? reading
7. Dream last night? possibly
8. Favorite drink? milk
9. Your dream/goal? success
10. Room you’re in? bedroom
11. Your ex? unimportant
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? mundane
16. Muffins? mom's!
17. One of your wish list items? sewingmachine
18. Where you grew up? texas
19. The last thing you did? work
20. What are you wearing? jammies
21. Your TV? decent
22. Your pet? multiple
23. Your computer? new!
24. Your life? fine
25. Your mood? restless
26. Missing someone? turtle
27. Your car? imaginary xD
28. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
29. Favorite store? craftstore!
30. Your summer? warm
31. Like someone? indeed
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? lunchtime

so i started playing lego star wars anyways, even though kyu doesn't have his weight set yet.. i'm a horribly selfish girlfriend. xD it's in the top 5 funniest games i've ever played. not the single funniest, but probably number four. absolutely no dialogue, so it's all pantomime, slightly tweaked for laughs. even dramatic things brought on a laugh.

in spite of the fun i'm having with that, i feel anxious. i want to be doing something else and i can't quite think of what that thing is.. i hate feeling like i've missed something that should have been right in front of me. i've been looking around and trying to see what there could possibly be for me, but i haven't found it yet. i know i want to sew and do something crafty, but i still need a new sewing machine.. i know that's not what i feel i'm missing though. it's not really anything i can easily explain.. which is an incredibly frustrating feeling.

i suppose it could be most easily generalized as a feeling of wanting more, but not quite. i've been bored mindless at home completely out of nowhere off and on for a while now. i don't feel like i want to do any of the things i can do, but at the same time, i feel like i really need a vacation from work. not a stay home and get paid for it vacation, but a real one like the trip kyu and i took to florida last year. the only problem with that is that i totally can't afford to go anywhere. i really can't justify taking time off from work at all, because i feel guilty knowing someone else will have to do my job while i'm gone.. and my job involves a lot of tedious crap that it didn't involve back when it was parker's job. there's extensive directions for most of it in my schedule, but that doesn't lessen the feeling of knowing someone has to take on all the additional work i do.

i just think i need a few days where i don't have to think about who's depending on me, or who i'm letting down. i just want some time to feel unfettered and free.. i was frustrated and discontent for other reasons when i was unemployed, and in a lot of ways it was worse, but i do miss that independent selfish feeling of knowing that taking half an hour for myself wouldn't screw up anyone's day at all. i also miss sleeping in until noon after staying up all night reading. i really loved doing that.. i never have as much time as i'd like to read anymore. that's alright i guess since i don't have anything to read.