song+ Hello- Maroon5- Live Friday the 13th
book+ Beastly/ A Kiss In Time
quest+ finishing the dress that is infuriating me
upper+ my machine is purchased and i'm beading the Annoying Dress
downer+ there's plenty beading left to go, and a few mistakes to cover with it
attire+ pajamas (yay lazy clothes)
drink+ milk
i seem to be returning to a semblance of normalcy. my sugar cravings have (finally!) dwindled to a negligible level. i bought a package of cookies yesterday morning only to realize i didn't want to eat them, they're now in the kitchen waiting to be shared. xD my sleep pattern has also reset to something approaching human, for the third night in a row i went to bed in the evening and woke in the morning. it shouldn't be such a strange thing, but it seems revolutionary after the reverse for a month and some. xD
last night i made real progress on the current mystery project, aka Annoying Dress. the one i started a few weeks ago and still have yet to finish. i think i may have mentioned that i realized the fabric i'd chosen ended up being entirely wrong. it's too thick to lay as flat as i need it to, and too heavy to drape in the elegant way i planned for it, so i'm finishing it another way and i'll start Version Two (in new fabric i bought specifically for having the correct weight and thickness) when this one passes for something that doesn't make me want to hurl it across the room in frustration. hopefully that'll be later today. xD the construction is done so now i'm beading for embellishment, and to hide the spots where i screwed up. at least i learned from the mistakes though, so version two should go much more smoothly.
it's entirely possible i'm being too picky with Annoying Dress though, i took it with me to the tattoo shop last night (i was hanging out with Wolfie while Kyu was adding color to one of his tattoos) and multiple strangers identified the dress as about what i'd initially planned for it to be, expressed that it looked rather nice, and asked questions about my business selling them that made it seem much less crazy an endeavor. i know it's strange, but reassurance from strangers feels more genuine than the same from family.. awful, but true. strangers have no pressure to support or appreciate my efforts so anything they say feels more genuine somehow.
in other talk, i placed the order for my PukiFee Shiwoo (the one that'll be my little french kitty) last night. i'm still waiting for FairyLand to e-mail me the invoice so i can pay it, but i'm pretty excited about her, she'll be adorable and the work that'll go into making her just right won't bother me the slightest bit. i like project!dolls, they frequently end up meaning more.
anyhow, it's back to the studio to get some work done. the sooner i finish Annoying Dress, the sooner i can open up the machine and get started on Version Two. when they're both done i'll put up pictures so they can be compared.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 49
song+ Stutter- Maroon5- Hands All Over
book+ nothing presently
quest+ finishing this dress that is infuriating me
upper+ the depression i felt coming on has abated again
downer+ stupid Iple boobs are killing me! X.x
attire+ pajamas (i barely bother getting dressed anymore)
drink+ milk
i think i'm a little crazy. xD or a lot, i guess the judgement is up to ya'll.
i've come to a compromise of sorts with my insomnia. i no longer attempt to sleep at "normal" hours, i've been staying up and working until i'm tired, then sleeping until i'm not. it's not an ideal way of doing things, but i'm much less frustrated. xD that means that mostly now i stay awake until sometime between 9am and noon, then i sleep until 6 or 7 pm. Kyu's not thrilled, he wants me to have a "normal" schedule, but it hardly matters really, as long as stuff's getting done. i think it's mostly jealousy, he HATES getting up at 7/8 every morning to go to bill-paying work, then after that he goes straight to still-learning work and stays until about midnight, not falling asleep until around 2am most nights, only to repeat the next day. he's exhausted and irritable and taking it out on me a little and i'm trying to be comforting and understanding, but it's hard. just because i'm working from home (and at admittedly odd hours) doesn't mean i'm not working. *sigh* we're both looking forward to the time that he can quit the first job (which he's grown to hate) and be making money at the second (which he already loves). the best part of that is that tattooing is a job that'll encourage him to join me in the semi-nocturnal schedule to be able to spend time together. xD
the only other strange thing is that for quite a while now i've been craving sugar. like almost by itself.. X.x when i indulge it's not straight-sugar, because that's just gross, but it's been making me crazy for a while, like since right before new years, but after Christmas. i found myself very nearly putting maple syrup on scrambled eggs this morning, which actually sounds kinda (really) disgusting. i had a dream about buying homemade chocolate ship cookies in bulk from a warehouse store three nights (days technically) in a row. not like by-the-palette bulk, but big family-size packaging bulk. in the past two and a half weeks, i've had four candy canes (watermelon, mixed berry, cherry, and strawberry), two tubs of frosting (chocolate and vanilla/funfetti), a package of chewy chocolate chip cookies, a pint of ice cream (Ben&Jerry's Phish Food), three suckers (all butterscotch), two fun-size bags of M&Ms, a handful of double-stuff Oreos, most of a box of frozen waffles (with maple syrup), two orders of Taco Bueno's Cheesecake Chimichangas (in berry), and Sonic french toast sticks (again with syrup) with an M&M blast. plus three cans of root beer, and two fountain drinks (strawberry/root beer, and vanilla/dr pepper). all for the sugar content. it's kinda worrying me at this point, it seems much more terrifying all listed like that. it didn't seem anywhere near as indulgent as i was eating it. usually my sugar tolerance is WAY lower and i have trouble finishing a single-scoop ice cream cone, i'm eating like i'm another person lately.
book+ nothing presently
quest+ finishing this dress that is infuriating me
upper+ the depression i felt coming on has abated again
downer+ stupid Iple boobs are killing me! X.x
attire+ pajamas (i barely bother getting dressed anymore)
drink+ milk
i think i'm a little crazy. xD or a lot, i guess the judgement is up to ya'll.
i've come to a compromise of sorts with my insomnia. i no longer attempt to sleep at "normal" hours, i've been staying up and working until i'm tired, then sleeping until i'm not. it's not an ideal way of doing things, but i'm much less frustrated. xD that means that mostly now i stay awake until sometime between 9am and noon, then i sleep until 6 or 7 pm. Kyu's not thrilled, he wants me to have a "normal" schedule, but it hardly matters really, as long as stuff's getting done. i think it's mostly jealousy, he HATES getting up at 7/8 every morning to go to bill-paying work, then after that he goes straight to still-learning work and stays until about midnight, not falling asleep until around 2am most nights, only to repeat the next day. he's exhausted and irritable and taking it out on me a little and i'm trying to be comforting and understanding, but it's hard. just because i'm working from home (and at admittedly odd hours) doesn't mean i'm not working. *sigh* we're both looking forward to the time that he can quit the first job (which he's grown to hate) and be making money at the second (which he already loves). the best part of that is that tattooing is a job that'll encourage him to join me in the semi-nocturnal schedule to be able to spend time together. xD
the only other strange thing is that for quite a while now i've been craving sugar. like almost by itself.. X.x when i indulge it's not straight-sugar, because that's just gross, but it's been making me crazy for a while, like since right before new years, but after Christmas. i found myself very nearly putting maple syrup on scrambled eggs this morning, which actually sounds kinda (really) disgusting. i had a dream about buying homemade chocolate ship cookies in bulk from a warehouse store three nights (days technically) in a row. not like by-the-palette bulk, but big family-size packaging bulk. in the past two and a half weeks, i've had four candy canes (watermelon, mixed berry, cherry, and strawberry), two tubs of frosting (chocolate and vanilla/funfetti), a package of chewy chocolate chip cookies, a pint of ice cream (Ben&Jerry's Phish Food), three suckers (all butterscotch), two fun-size bags of M&Ms, a handful of double-stuff Oreos, most of a box of frozen waffles (with maple syrup), two orders of Taco Bueno's Cheesecake Chimichangas (in berry), and Sonic french toast sticks (again with syrup) with an M&M blast. plus three cans of root beer, and two fountain drinks (strawberry/root beer, and vanilla/dr pepper). all for the sugar content. it's kinda worrying me at this point, it seems much more terrifying all listed like that. it didn't seem anywhere near as indulgent as i was eating it. usually my sugar tolerance is WAY lower and i have trouble finishing a single-scoop ice cream cone, i'm eating like i'm another person lately.
State of the Neko address: week 48 (just a week late..) xD
song+ Love Story- Taylor Swift- Fearless
book+ nothing presently
quest+ getting business stuff set up and taken care of
upper+ feeling plenty rested
downer+ kinda losing any sense of timing lately
attire+ pajamas
drink+ root beer (i need the sugar)
i totally thought i'd posted something last week. my bad. xD i guess this is last week's and i'll do another for this week later.
anyhow, i've been slowly working on getting the patterns i need worked out for my doll clothes enterprise. i don't have inventory yet, but i'm getting closer and closer. i spent most of the past week working on a personal project that went to hell at the last second, which is immensely frustrating, but i'm still trying to salvage it, somehow. i should be ready to start version two pretty soon though. when it's done maybe i'll share the seriously altered version one attempt. if i can get this pattern to work like i see it in my head i can EASILY sell the dresses made from it for reasonable income and minimal effort. i know full well there's a market for fitted, classy EID styles. there's a reason too, the curves are such a pain no one really wants to try dealing with them. X.x it turns out making the patterns is only the first half of the headache. ugh.. they're such gorgeous girls that the frustration isn't enough to really keep me from working at it though.
anyhow, my second W2 came in the mail Saturday and i submitted my taxes Sunday. (yay TurboTax!) i've already heard back and should have my (reasonably sized) refund in the next two weeks. it's fortunately large enough to cover the new sewing machine i need, plus an external drive (for all my music since it's slowing my machine down having so much), Vanille (part of a planned set of twin kitten dolls with Roro) who shall be a PukiFee Shiwoo girl, and also the Wonder Woman prop replica (tiara, bulletproof gauntlets, and lasso of truth with display pedestal) set i ordered last year that FINALLY shipped from the distributor to the comic shop. xD it won't cover anything else, but i'm okay with that since i was expecting to get about half what i ended up with. one of my favorite things is TurboTax saying "oh hey, you qualify for more money, want it?" uh YEAH, why wouldn't i? xD
i promised Kyu that the sewing machine comes first, but i'm very excited about Vanille and her twin brother Creme who will be Roro's. they're gonna be the cutest little sugary-sweet kittens. we'll each be doing the faceups and blushing ourselves, so they'll definitely look unique, but they should still match (enough to be recognized as twins anyhow). so far as i recall from our giddy (mostly incoherent) planning chat, Creme will be a sherbet-ish boy with pale tabby markings and i'll be doing Vanille in dusky rose and caramel. i'll likely hold off on doing markings until Roro's done Creme's, but that could be a while since i'm ordering first. xD the Shiwoo face is just so mischievously adorable (i mean just LOOK at it!) that i can't think of a better trouble making kitten to dress in sugary dessert-ish confections of ruffles and lace.. that's the best part, planning the themed matching outfits. xD they're gonna be these little french aristocratic kittens in absurdly detailed outfits that are likely to kill me.. at least there won't be murderous curves involved though, just the tiniest scale ever almost. i have the notes i took from the original conversation on the backside of a foot long receipt (it was the only paper i could find), and based on just that one conversation there's about 8 different sets of costumes to plan. all foodish based too, i think that by the time Roro's able to get Creme home i may have something ready for him to wear. knowing my penchant for procrastination i may not though, or i just may take forever to get the stuff sent. xD
other than all this i've been slowly planning another doll for celebratory purchase once my business is making decent money. i've been looking for a doll that'd be a decent match facially to Xavin to be her baby girl. i'm not worrying about skin tone, i tanned Xavin, i can tan her baby, but it's really hard to find a tiny with elf ears, a realistic mouth with a full bottom lip, and eyes that aren't alien-huge. those are really my only set-in-stone criteria at this point. i do prefer happyish mouth sculpts, no anger or pouting for this one.. and i'd like a hint of shyness, but the elf ears, full lower lip, and decently small eyes are the main thing. so far the best i've found is LittleFee Dark Elf Soo, but since i have to sell product before i can make enough profit to finance this doll, i'm still looking around. xD i'm also willing to take suggestions if anyone finds something they think looks more like a decent match. for those that don't know, this is Xavin.
book+ nothing presently
quest+ getting business stuff set up and taken care of
upper+ feeling plenty rested
downer+ kinda losing any sense of timing lately
attire+ pajamas
drink+ root beer (i need the sugar)
i totally thought i'd posted something last week. my bad. xD i guess this is last week's and i'll do another for this week later.
anyhow, i've been slowly working on getting the patterns i need worked out for my doll clothes enterprise. i don't have inventory yet, but i'm getting closer and closer. i spent most of the past week working on a personal project that went to hell at the last second, which is immensely frustrating, but i'm still trying to salvage it, somehow. i should be ready to start version two pretty soon though. when it's done maybe i'll share the seriously altered version one attempt. if i can get this pattern to work like i see it in my head i can EASILY sell the dresses made from it for reasonable income and minimal effort. i know full well there's a market for fitted, classy EID styles. there's a reason too, the curves are such a pain no one really wants to try dealing with them. X.x it turns out making the patterns is only the first half of the headache. ugh.. they're such gorgeous girls that the frustration isn't enough to really keep me from working at it though.
anyhow, my second W2 came in the mail Saturday and i submitted my taxes Sunday. (yay TurboTax!) i've already heard back and should have my (reasonably sized) refund in the next two weeks. it's fortunately large enough to cover the new sewing machine i need, plus an external drive (for all my music since it's slowing my machine down having so much), Vanille (part of a planned set of twin kitten dolls with Roro) who shall be a PukiFee Shiwoo girl, and also the Wonder Woman prop replica (tiara, bulletproof gauntlets, and lasso of truth with display pedestal) set i ordered last year that FINALLY shipped from the distributor to the comic shop. xD it won't cover anything else, but i'm okay with that since i was expecting to get about half what i ended up with. one of my favorite things is TurboTax saying "oh hey, you qualify for more money, want it?" uh YEAH, why wouldn't i? xD
i promised Kyu that the sewing machine comes first, but i'm very excited about Vanille and her twin brother Creme who will be Roro's. they're gonna be the cutest little sugary-sweet kittens. we'll each be doing the faceups and blushing ourselves, so they'll definitely look unique, but they should still match (enough to be recognized as twins anyhow). so far as i recall from our giddy (mostly incoherent) planning chat, Creme will be a sherbet-ish boy with pale tabby markings and i'll be doing Vanille in dusky rose and caramel. i'll likely hold off on doing markings until Roro's done Creme's, but that could be a while since i'm ordering first. xD the Shiwoo face is just so mischievously adorable (i mean just LOOK at it!) that i can't think of a better trouble making kitten to dress in sugary dessert-ish confections of ruffles and lace.. that's the best part, planning the themed matching outfits. xD they're gonna be these little french aristocratic kittens in absurdly detailed outfits that are likely to kill me.. at least there won't be murderous curves involved though, just the tiniest scale ever almost. i have the notes i took from the original conversation on the backside of a foot long receipt (it was the only paper i could find), and based on just that one conversation there's about 8 different sets of costumes to plan. all foodish based too, i think that by the time Roro's able to get Creme home i may have something ready for him to wear. knowing my penchant for procrastination i may not though, or i just may take forever to get the stuff sent. xD
other than all this i've been slowly planning another doll for celebratory purchase once my business is making decent money. i've been looking for a doll that'd be a decent match facially to Xavin to be her baby girl. i'm not worrying about skin tone, i tanned Xavin, i can tan her baby, but it's really hard to find a tiny with elf ears, a realistic mouth with a full bottom lip, and eyes that aren't alien-huge. those are really my only set-in-stone criteria at this point. i do prefer happyish mouth sculpts, no anger or pouting for this one.. and i'd like a hint of shyness, but the elf ears, full lower lip, and decently small eyes are the main thing. so far the best i've found is LittleFee Dark Elf Soo, but since i have to sell product before i can make enough profit to finance this doll, i'm still looking around. xD i'm also willing to take suggestions if anyone finds something they think looks more like a decent match. for those that don't know, this is Xavin.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 47, part 2
song+ Rock Your Body- Black Eyed Peas
book+ the Stanislaski saga
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Ten: One confession.
1.) i'm always afraid, of almost everything. it's really only pride that keeps me going in any situation. my biggest fear is failure (in any capacity) and there's SO much i could screw up now, but i want to make it work, so i suck it up and make the fear work for me, in as many ways as i can. when i'm happy, i'm afraid i'll screw it up. when i'm depressed i'm afraid i'll never feel better. when i'm doing what i love, i worry that i'm not really any good and the positive reviews are platitudes due to family obligation and i don't really deserve the praise. i'm afraid of things, or situations, of so much. the only things i'm not afraid of are pain and death. i don't go looking for either, but they're about the only things that i've never panicked over. even love terrifies me, i worry that i'll ruin it, or that i don't deserve it. it doesn't matter that i KNOW how absurd my fears are, i still feel them.
i'm afraid of living, but i keep on every day.
book+ the Stanislaski saga
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Ten: One confession.
1.) i'm always afraid, of almost everything. it's really only pride that keeps me going in any situation. my biggest fear is failure (in any capacity) and there's SO much i could screw up now, but i want to make it work, so i suck it up and make the fear work for me, in as many ways as i can. when i'm happy, i'm afraid i'll screw it up. when i'm depressed i'm afraid i'll never feel better. when i'm doing what i love, i worry that i'm not really any good and the positive reviews are platitudes due to family obligation and i don't really deserve the praise. i'm afraid of things, or situations, of so much. the only things i'm not afraid of are pain and death. i don't go looking for either, but they're about the only things that i've never panicked over. even love terrifies me, i worry that i'll ruin it, or that i don't deserve it. it doesn't matter that i KNOW how absurd my fears are, i still feel them.
i'm afraid of living, but i keep on every day.
Monday, January 10, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 47
song+ BigBangTheory theme song
book+ nothing presently
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
1.)
it's a cluttered office, with multiple desks, piles of fabric and notions, sorted bundles of art supplies, and dolls side by side within reach. a small area on the main desk is entirely cleared for room do draw out designs. supplies pertaining to other hobbies are visible, but put aside as the focus here is establishing the design and manufacture enterprise i've undertaken. it should be pretty obvious, this image is my office currently. xD it's chaotic and cluttered, but it's how i work.
2.)
this is more symbolic of how my time is spent now. i'm either designing and figuring out what i'd like to make and what i think will sell, or i'm slaving to make the patterns so i can actually make and sell the things i've worked SO HARD to design. this is what my life boils down to lately. it's exhausting and the hours really never stop, but it's so much more fulfilling than any 9 to 5 job ever was. i really do LOVE what i'm trying to do now. this is my iPod and speakers for the music that keeps me going. my pencil, eraser, fine point pens, and Prismacolor markers for the designs themselves. it's some finished designs and the materials i've picked for the self-fulfillment projects i'm working on side by side with the business setup. there's also the tape and vellum pieces and stuff for making the patterns.
book+ nothing presently
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
1.)
it's a cluttered office, with multiple desks, piles of fabric and notions, sorted bundles of art supplies, and dolls side by side within reach. a small area on the main desk is entirely cleared for room do draw out designs. supplies pertaining to other hobbies are visible, but put aside as the focus here is establishing the design and manufacture enterprise i've undertaken. it should be pretty obvious, this image is my office currently. xD it's chaotic and cluttered, but it's how i work.
2.)
this is more symbolic of how my time is spent now. i'm either designing and figuring out what i'd like to make and what i think will sell, or i'm slaving to make the patterns so i can actually make and sell the things i've worked SO HARD to design. this is what my life boils down to lately. it's exhausting and the hours really never stop, but it's so much more fulfilling than any 9 to 5 job ever was. i really do LOVE what i'm trying to do now. this is my iPod and speakers for the music that keeps me going. my pencil, eraser, fine point pens, and Prismacolor markers for the designs themselves. it's some finished designs and the materials i've picked for the self-fulfillment projects i'm working on side by side with the business setup. there's also the tape and vellum pieces and stuff for making the patterns.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 46, part 7
song+ Ragdoll- Ashlee Simpson- Bittersweet World
book+ for the Love of Lilah
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
1.) intelligence
2.) an open mind
3.) awesome shoes
book+ for the Love of Lilah
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
1.) intelligence
2.) an open mind
3.) awesome shoes
Saturday, January 8, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 46, part 6
song+ Ragdoll- Ashlee Simpson- Bittersweet World
book+ Night Moves
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water. i'm still out of milk
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
1.) smoking/recreational drug use
2.) an extraordinarily dominant personality (i decide what i'll do or not do)
3.) treating me like i'm a fool or a moron.
4.) dressing like a blind hobo. ick. Redneck Style is NOT my sexy button xP
book+ Night Moves
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water. i'm still out of milk
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
1.) smoking/recreational drug use
2.) an extraordinarily dominant personality (i decide what i'll do or not do)
3.) treating me like i'm a fool or a moron.
4.) dressing like a blind hobo. ick. Redneck Style is NOT my sexy button xP
Friday, January 7, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 46, part 5
song+ Misery- Maroon 5- Hands All Over
book+ nothing presently
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pants and a plain tee
drink+ water. i'm still out of milk
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
1.) Kyu
2.) Roro
3.) James
4.) mom
5.) Mommy2
book+ nothing presently
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pants and a plain tee
drink+ water. i'm still out of milk
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
1.) Kyu
2.) Roro
3.) James
4.) mom
5.) Mommy2
Thursday, January 6, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 46, part 4
song+ What Do You Want From Me?- Kris Allen
book+ a former co-worker's screenplay
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pants and one of my (many) Wonder Woman tee shirts
drink+ water. i'm out of milk again
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. (since i don't believe in regret, this is more mistakes i'll admit to making)
1.) ignored sound advice out of spite and rebellion
2.) feigned romantic interest to preserve a friendship
3.) bought things out of "oh shiny!" and not a legitimate desire to have them
4.) pretended to be someone else for a chance at approval i didn't really want or need
5.) let my laziness and depression overshadow my passion for learning early on, hindering my options in later educational endeavors
6.) given up what i really wanted to maintain a semblance of peace with people i didn't (still don't) even like
book+ a former co-worker's screenplay
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been making progress on personal projects
downer+ there doesn't seem to be enough time in a given day..
attire+ pants and one of my (many) Wonder Woman tee shirts
drink+ water. i'm out of milk again
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done. (since i don't believe in regret, this is more mistakes i'll admit to making)
1.) ignored sound advice out of spite and rebellion
2.) feigned romantic interest to preserve a friendship
3.) bought things out of "oh shiny!" and not a legitimate desire to have them
4.) pretended to be someone else for a chance at approval i didn't really want or need
5.) let my laziness and depression overshadow my passion for learning early on, hindering my options in later educational endeavors
6.) given up what i really wanted to maintain a semblance of peace with people i didn't (still don't) even like
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
pictures of stuff! xD
in addition to the 10 days of whatever, i have some random photos to share of various things i think will amuse all of you.
some of the tree i made this year, since at the last moment i remembered that last year the dog ate the tree. like literally. there's the dolls trimming it, and Christmas Eve shots of our gifts under it and the stockings on the wall as Kyu did hobby stuff in the way. xD
Chloe's faceup finally got done as i figured she finally deserved a face for 2011. it's kinda like she's a tiny version of Eve almost. xD seriously slightly smaller than a barbie, she's sitting on top of my design portfolio.
some of Cori and Xavin snuggling. they photograph easiest together since they're my darkest dolls and anyone else gets washed out in pictures with them.. xD like the smidgen of Eve you see in the corner on one of them.
lastly, an example of how i do my pattern drafting. i cut shapes from vellum and tape them together until i have the shape and silhouette i want for the final garment, then i cut darts until it lays flat, trace it onto paper and add a seam allowance. this is for a Vegas showgirl costume i'm doing for Xavin. if the pleats lay right in vellum i KNOW for certain i won't have trouble gathering them in cotton. xD
some of the tree i made this year, since at the last moment i remembered that last year the dog ate the tree. like literally. there's the dolls trimming it, and Christmas Eve shots of our gifts under it and the stockings on the wall as Kyu did hobby stuff in the way. xD
Chloe's faceup finally got done as i figured she finally deserved a face for 2011. it's kinda like she's a tiny version of Eve almost. xD seriously slightly smaller than a barbie, she's sitting on top of my design portfolio.
some of Cori and Xavin snuggling. they photograph easiest together since they're my darkest dolls and anyone else gets washed out in pictures with them.. xD like the smidgen of Eve you see in the corner on one of them.
lastly, an example of how i do my pattern drafting. i cut shapes from vellum and tape them together until i have the shape and silhouette i want for the final garment, then i cut darts until it lays flat, trace it onto paper and add a seam allowance. this is for a Vegas showgirl costume i'm doing for Xavin. if the pleats lay right in vellum i KNOW for certain i won't have trouble gathering them in cotton. xD
State of the Neko address: week 46, part 3
song+ Just the Way You Are- Bruno Mars
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1.) my diet. i really love junk food so healthy stuff and moderation in everything is hard and i have to think about it. a lot.
2.) design work. i'm always considering what i can draw next
3.) the shapes i need to make the next pattern pieces for Cori.
4.) how much work i'll still have to do adapting Cori's patterns to make Eve's. there's a pretty huge difference in fit between the two of them
5.) how unhappy Kyu is at work. he's been unhappy there for years, and at least now he's taking steps to learn the trade he'd rather be pursuing, but anything worth doing is worth doing right, so he's sticking with the other job also to pay the bills.
6.) music. i'm always looking for more, since i'm pretty much always listening to it now that i work at home. i have six or seven new albums to listen to and delete what i don't like, then i'll be looking for more again.
7.) more space on my computer. when i can afford it i need to get an external drive for all my music since the quantity i have is slowing down everything else.. and i still want more.
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1.) my diet. i really love junk food so healthy stuff and moderation in everything is hard and i have to think about it. a lot.
2.) design work. i'm always considering what i can draw next
3.) the shapes i need to make the next pattern pieces for Cori.
4.) how much work i'll still have to do adapting Cori's patterns to make Eve's. there's a pretty huge difference in fit between the two of them
5.) how unhappy Kyu is at work. he's been unhappy there for years, and at least now he's taking steps to learn the trade he'd rather be pursuing, but anything worth doing is worth doing right, so he's sticking with the other job also to pay the bills.
6.) music. i'm always looking for more, since i'm pretty much always listening to it now that i work at home. i have six or seven new albums to listen to and delete what i don't like, then i'll be looking for more again.
7.) more space on my computer. when i can afford it i need to get an external drive for all my music since the quantity i have is slowing down everything else.. and i still want more.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 46, part 2
song+ Magic- B.o.B.
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
1.) make me laugh
2.) be completely honest, even if you think i don't want to hear what you have to say
3.) respect that sometimes (frequently) i just want to be alone. it doesn't mean i hate you, or that i'm even angry or upset, i just need more solitude than pretty much anyone else ever
4.) appreciate music. it doesn't have to be the same stuff i like, i get that i have the musical tastes of a twelve year old or a gay man, but as long as you get the need for music i know that you get me (as much as anyone really can)
5.) realize that i am pretty much beyond comprehension and be okay with it. it's okay, even people who've known me all my life can't say with any certainty the kind of person i am. i'm living contradictions that fit perfectly as a whole.
6.) listen to what i have to say and respect my point of view, even if it's not yours
7.) know that sometimes the unexpected means more to me than the typical. favorite valentine's gift ever? a snuggly lap blanket.
8.) use your talents. i hate when someone squanders what they've been given only to complain that their life is lacking something. if you deny who you could be it's only natural to be unhappy.
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
1.) make me laugh
2.) be completely honest, even if you think i don't want to hear what you have to say
3.) respect that sometimes (frequently) i just want to be alone. it doesn't mean i hate you, or that i'm even angry or upset, i just need more solitude than pretty much anyone else ever
4.) appreciate music. it doesn't have to be the same stuff i like, i get that i have the musical tastes of a twelve year old or a gay man, but as long as you get the need for music i know that you get me (as much as anyone really can)
5.) realize that i am pretty much beyond comprehension and be okay with it. it's okay, even people who've known me all my life can't say with any certainty the kind of person i am. i'm living contradictions that fit perfectly as a whole.
6.) listen to what i have to say and respect my point of view, even if it's not yours
7.) know that sometimes the unexpected means more to me than the typical. favorite valentine's gift ever? a snuggly lap blanket.
8.) use your talents. i hate when someone squanders what they've been given only to complain that their life is lacking something. if you deny who you could be it's only natural to be unhappy.
Monday, January 3, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 46
song+ Rock God- Selena Gomez & the Scene- A Year Without Rain
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
1.) i have about as many allergies as i do phobias, none of which are the types of things you'd expect. i'm allergic to wool, but NOT poison ivy. i'm afraid of grass, but not needles/knives/swords- i'm fine with them. the exception being that i'm fine with needles for injection/application, but not extraction. that's less fear than involuntary sickness though.
2.) i'm a little dyslexic with numbers. i'm not bad at math, but i hate doing it since i'm pretty much always having to double-check and make sure the digits are in the right place. to me 29 and 92 look about the same, so i have to try harder to do the same amount of number-crunching as someone normal.
3.) i think in colors and shapes. words are easy to me, and i can sometimes tell what someone's saying if i don't speak their language, but i think in planes and angles. corners and tangents and color are my native language. i understand what makes something before i understand how to replicate it.
4.) my design process is frequently abstract. i have an idea for a theme and think of what it makes me feel, then what that feeling makes me see. i described it to kyu almost as a handful of d20 being rolled and then i see if the result makes sense. if not, i re-roll and keep my thoughts tumbling until it clicks. to non-nerds i suppose comparing it to a slot machine would work about the same. xD
5.) i have a passion for myth. fairy tales, religious myth, and fantasy all have the same underlying structure to their worlds. it feels brilliant and right to me and i've always loved them.
6.) i'm not particularly religious in spite of that. i have a belief structure, but since it doesn't align with any traditional one, i prefer not to explain it to anyone. the biggest misunderstanding is that since i no longer identify myself a particular way people assume i think it's all wrong. just because it's not my truth doesn't mean it's not true for other people. i fully believe that a person's truth is dependent on the shape of their soul.
7.) i believe in supernatural phenomena. not ALL of it, but a lot of tales have recurring themes in cultures all over the world throughout history, so it makes sense that there's a degree of truth to it. i've seen things that can't be explained by modern science, so i believe.
8.) i'm a scorpio. i believe that says a good deal about who i am as a person. not that it defines me, but that it provides a template for getting to know me. i believe in astrology. xD
9.) i don't believe that monogamy is natural. not that it's impossible, it's entirely attainable and respectable, but i think it's unnatural so far as instinct goes. people assume that my saying this is justification of a desire to stray and it's not i have no desire for an alternative partner. i think a person can't help who they feel attracted to, and nature has people being drawn to multiple options for survival of the species, but resisting that is entirely possible. a person can ignore or resist urges when already committed and that's what they should do. honesty is the key, i won't deny attraction to people other than the one i'm committed to, but i have never cheated and fully believe i never will.
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
1.) i have about as many allergies as i do phobias, none of which are the types of things you'd expect. i'm allergic to wool, but NOT poison ivy. i'm afraid of grass, but not needles/knives/swords- i'm fine with them. the exception being that i'm fine with needles for injection/application, but not extraction. that's less fear than involuntary sickness though.
2.) i'm a little dyslexic with numbers. i'm not bad at math, but i hate doing it since i'm pretty much always having to double-check and make sure the digits are in the right place. to me 29 and 92 look about the same, so i have to try harder to do the same amount of number-crunching as someone normal.
3.) i think in colors and shapes. words are easy to me, and i can sometimes tell what someone's saying if i don't speak their language, but i think in planes and angles. corners and tangents and color are my native language. i understand what makes something before i understand how to replicate it.
4.) my design process is frequently abstract. i have an idea for a theme and think of what it makes me feel, then what that feeling makes me see. i described it to kyu almost as a handful of d20 being rolled and then i see if the result makes sense. if not, i re-roll and keep my thoughts tumbling until it clicks. to non-nerds i suppose comparing it to a slot machine would work about the same. xD
5.) i have a passion for myth. fairy tales, religious myth, and fantasy all have the same underlying structure to their worlds. it feels brilliant and right to me and i've always loved them.
6.) i'm not particularly religious in spite of that. i have a belief structure, but since it doesn't align with any traditional one, i prefer not to explain it to anyone. the biggest misunderstanding is that since i no longer identify myself a particular way people assume i think it's all wrong. just because it's not my truth doesn't mean it's not true for other people. i fully believe that a person's truth is dependent on the shape of their soul.
7.) i believe in supernatural phenomena. not ALL of it, but a lot of tales have recurring themes in cultures all over the world throughout history, so it makes sense that there's a degree of truth to it. i've seen things that can't be explained by modern science, so i believe.
8.) i'm a scorpio. i believe that says a good deal about who i am as a person. not that it defines me, but that it provides a template for getting to know me. i believe in astrology. xD
9.) i don't believe that monogamy is natural. not that it's impossible, it's entirely attainable and respectable, but i think it's unnatural so far as instinct goes. people assume that my saying this is justification of a desire to stray and it's not i have no desire for an alternative partner. i think a person can't help who they feel attracted to, and nature has people being drawn to multiple options for survival of the species, but resisting that is entirely possible. a person can ignore or resist urges when already committed and that's what they should do. honesty is the key, i won't deny attraction to people other than the one i'm committed to, but i have never cheated and fully believe i never will.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
State of the Neko address: week 45 (technically)
song+ Rock God- Selena Gomez & the Scene- A Year Without Rain
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
stealing this from Roro. i'm running a little later, but it'll all get done. xD
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
Day One: i love you all!
1.) you are my sun. i can't hate you, in spite of the fact that my life is cold when i think of how you're not near. i hate that you can hurt me, and do without trying. i hate that you still matter to me, no matter how i try to forget you and move on. i really don't think i'll ever be able to.
2.) you are my moon. you're mercurial and changing and i love you. you make me happy out of nowhere. you make me crazy all the time and i'm amazed i have yet to actually deck you, but mostly you make me happy. i feel loved with you, and like i really matter for more than what i can do. i matter for who i am.
3.) i suppose you're one of the distant planets- i'm aware of your location, but can't see you on my own. it requires outside help. i miss feeling like your friend. i wish our cumulative crazy didn't keep us apart so much. we really should talk more than we do.
4.) in the metaphorical sky of my interpersonal relationships, you're a specific constellation- orion the hunter. there and dependable, i never worry that you'll let me down. everyone can see how dependable you are. it's possibly the thing i love most about you after your twisted sense of humor.
5.) you make me laugh more than pretty much anyone else i know. you're not a constellation, you're the north star. steady and dependable. fog and distance makes it hard to see you sometimes, but i know you're there for me. and i'm always here for you too.
6.) you're mercury, part of my orbit, but not always when i wish you would be. loving you is frequently an exercise in frustration, but it can also be surprising delight. i wish you'd find yourself. you're on your way, but it's hard to know you when you don't know yourself. also you manage to effect every relationship i'm part of when you swing through.
7.) it'd be easy to label you ursa major, but i think you're more the weaver. i'm glad that in recent years we've found the relationship i couldn't handle trying to build for so long. i'm glad that my selfish years of paranoia, doubt and depression didn't kill in you what it was smothering in me. i know i was remarkably unpleasant for a long time. i was so miserably unhappy i didn't want anyone else to be either and much of that was taken out on you. even when that was happening though, i took solace in the artistic gifts you've given me. when i couldn't stand to say i loved, or was loved, it was easy to say that i inherited my artistic skill from my mother. i've always admired your capacity to create. it's the most beautiful part of you.
8.) you're a star i was afraid had burned out, it just turns out i wasn't looking in the right direction. your friendship defined the most challenging moments of my youth. knowing you got me through so many problems, some things i spoke of easily and some i was ashamed of feeling. i knew that you'd still love me if i screwed up, and i knew my words mattered to you, so i made sure i was careful with them. the relationship we had made me work to be worthy of it. i'm glad we're taking steps to find that again, in the years we didn't speak i missed you more than i could figure out how to articulate.
9.) you're a distant star, i sometimes wish we were closer than we are, but i know that there's warmth in spite of perceived distance. you have different skills than i do, chief among them being (in my view) composure in the face of the unknown. it's not your most obvious skill, but it's what i've always been most envious of. i'm afraid of so much, your capacity to do anything you try inspires me to be less afraid.
10.) you're a distant star, i sometimes wish we were closer than we are, but i know that there's warmth in spite of perceived distance. i think that much of what we don't have rests on me and my numerous neuroses, but i'm happy that little by little we're managing to connect a litte more. while i don't see us ever having the kind of relationships we individually share with others, i enjoy learning about who you've become in the time we were living independantly.
book+ FF3 guide
quest+ getting more dolls sold soonish
upper+ been working on personal projects during the holiday period
downer+ have to get back to work on business stuff now
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk
stealing this from Roro. i'm running a little later, but it'll all get done. xD
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
Day One: i love you all!
1.) you are my sun. i can't hate you, in spite of the fact that my life is cold when i think of how you're not near. i hate that you can hurt me, and do without trying. i hate that you still matter to me, no matter how i try to forget you and move on. i really don't think i'll ever be able to.
2.) you are my moon. you're mercurial and changing and i love you. you make me happy out of nowhere. you make me crazy all the time and i'm amazed i have yet to actually deck you, but mostly you make me happy. i feel loved with you, and like i really matter for more than what i can do. i matter for who i am.
3.) i suppose you're one of the distant planets- i'm aware of your location, but can't see you on my own. it requires outside help. i miss feeling like your friend. i wish our cumulative crazy didn't keep us apart so much. we really should talk more than we do.
4.) in the metaphorical sky of my interpersonal relationships, you're a specific constellation- orion the hunter. there and dependable, i never worry that you'll let me down. everyone can see how dependable you are. it's possibly the thing i love most about you after your twisted sense of humor.
5.) you make me laugh more than pretty much anyone else i know. you're not a constellation, you're the north star. steady and dependable. fog and distance makes it hard to see you sometimes, but i know you're there for me. and i'm always here for you too.
6.) you're mercury, part of my orbit, but not always when i wish you would be. loving you is frequently an exercise in frustration, but it can also be surprising delight. i wish you'd find yourself. you're on your way, but it's hard to know you when you don't know yourself. also you manage to effect every relationship i'm part of when you swing through.
7.) it'd be easy to label you ursa major, but i think you're more the weaver. i'm glad that in recent years we've found the relationship i couldn't handle trying to build for so long. i'm glad that my selfish years of paranoia, doubt and depression didn't kill in you what it was smothering in me. i know i was remarkably unpleasant for a long time. i was so miserably unhappy i didn't want anyone else to be either and much of that was taken out on you. even when that was happening though, i took solace in the artistic gifts you've given me. when i couldn't stand to say i loved, or was loved, it was easy to say that i inherited my artistic skill from my mother. i've always admired your capacity to create. it's the most beautiful part of you.
8.) you're a star i was afraid had burned out, it just turns out i wasn't looking in the right direction. your friendship defined the most challenging moments of my youth. knowing you got me through so many problems, some things i spoke of easily and some i was ashamed of feeling. i knew that you'd still love me if i screwed up, and i knew my words mattered to you, so i made sure i was careful with them. the relationship we had made me work to be worthy of it. i'm glad we're taking steps to find that again, in the years we didn't speak i missed you more than i could figure out how to articulate.
9.) you're a distant star, i sometimes wish we were closer than we are, but i know that there's warmth in spite of perceived distance. you have different skills than i do, chief among them being (in my view) composure in the face of the unknown. it's not your most obvious skill, but it's what i've always been most envious of. i'm afraid of so much, your capacity to do anything you try inspires me to be less afraid.
10.) you're a distant star, i sometimes wish we were closer than we are, but i know that there's warmth in spite of perceived distance. i think that much of what we don't have rests on me and my numerous neuroses, but i'm happy that little by little we're managing to connect a litte more. while i don't see us ever having the kind of relationships we individually share with others, i enjoy learning about who you've become in the time we were living independantly.
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