i'll never forget you as long as i live

song+ I Wish You Would -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing presently
quest+ no idea really
upper+ it's been a good winter
downer+ still tragically broke
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk

better late than never. i meant to post Sunday like normal, but i pulled myself away from the internet to get Christmas projects done, and it's been so nice, i'm still reluctant to fall back into it. so i'm on a self-imposed internet strike i guess.

i don't know for sure, but there's a chance my phone may get cut off this week for a while. if that happens i guess i'll make myself check e-mail and facebook.

you think you know me, but you're dead wrong

song+ Stronger -Kelly Clarkson -All I Ever Wanted
book+ nothing presently
quest+ several plushes
upper+ one ready for delivery
downer+ out of time for Christmas prep
attire+ comfy pants, hoodie and Tinkerbell tee
drink+ water

we got a lot done at mom's yesterday. Rose came along, and we worked on various little things all day, getting an impressive total done in the end. i spent most of this last week working on the Cubone plush, and it's done and will get delivered today, so that's cool. now i just need to bust out the ones i'm doing for the kidlets, that need to be delivered this Thursday. xD i'm sure i'll get them done in time. nine small things will probably somehow end up easier to get done than one big thing, because that's how things tend to work out for me.

it's a little strange to be heading up for game day again today because the last two weeks i didn't make it. i had choir practice and the concert, then i was shaking off an allergy something that left me feeling crappy. i'm great again though, so i'm sure i'll manage to get a lot done today. exciting optimistic thoughts. yay!

they are the hunters, we are the foxes, and we run

song+ I Know Places -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing presently
quest+ several plushes
upper+ progress on numerous fronts
downer+ congestion is making breathing tricky
attire+ pajamas still
drink+ water

i think i'm hovering on the edge of something. i've been painfully congested for a little more than 12 hours now. i don't know if it's a reaction to weather things, or possibly the incense Kyu was burning when i got home last night. i just know breathing is a little difficult when i close my mouth. hopefully it passes soon.

i've made progress on various (mostly plush) projects this week, i'll likely head back upstairs and see how much of the Cubone i can get done today, since i'd like to deliver it soon. i meant to have it done sooner so i could deliver it today, but my machine is still giving me trouble.

anyway, the thing i really wanted to share this post was links to the last 6 songs from the Choir concert last week. these are links to audio-only youtube uploads of them. the first two haven't been shared yet, but 75% of the concert experience is available for those that couldn't make it. if the first two ever get uploaded i'll edit them in here, for now ya'll just get placeholder titles.

What Sweeter Music
Sure On This Shining Night
The First Noel
There Is Faint Music
Fall On Your Knees
How Great Our Joy
Sweetest Music, Softly Stealing
Festival Gloria

so yeah, that's pretty much all i've got to say, i'm gonna get back to sewing and hope my congestion clears up.

you are the reason that i still believe

song+ Jai Ho -Pussycat Dolls
book+ choir music
quest+ several plushes
upper+ another really good week
downer+ i've fallen slightly behind on plush production
attire+ pajamas still
drink+ water

i think this is the first morning post in quite some time (or at least midday) but i have the time for once. the last week was crazy-busy, so while a lot has happened, little of it has been crafting.

Tuesday i had the dentist, the mom and i window shopped until it was time to head up to TCC for Moose's dance recital, which was really good overall. Wednesday i was home again and made some headway on the plushes, but Thursday i had lunch with James followed by an extended choir practice. Friday i was home until mom picked me up to head to Tyson's party. Saturday was the quilt class then to mom's to work more on her house.

today i'm up, but not headed to game day because there's kinda no point. i have nothing complete to deliver, and i need to be home way early so i can leave on time for the last choir practice before the concert tonight. i'm about to run through my music solo, then see what i can get done with my afternoon before i have to get dressed and leave.

they used to shout my name, now they whisper it

song+ Yellow Flicker Beat -Lorde -the Hunger Games: Mockingjay
book+ choir music
quest+ several plushes
upper+ i had a REALLY productive weekend
downer+ i'm feeling a bit sore
attire+ leggings, denim skirt, Supergirl tee
drink+ water

today i had a two-hour choir practice, so i now have at least a passing knowledge of all the songs we'll be singing in a week. really i should probably run through them all every day this week, i wanna be sure i know them.

my Thanksgiving weekend was a good one. i spent it at mom's, and we got a lot done. so much that i'm feeling a little sore still today. i don't really think about how hard we're working while it's happening, it all seems minor until i'm back home and the fatigue has time to bloom or something. xD

the best of us can find happiness in misery

song+ I Don't Care -Fall Out Boy -Folie a Deux
book+ choir music
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ our heat is working great this winter!
downer+ i can't afford to buy Christmas presents
attire+ black tights, black boots, khaki shorts, red blouse
drink+ water

today i'm up early enough to post this before we leave for game day! it's been a while since that happened.

my weekend's been pretty chill so far. i've been working on small projects and reading the discoveries about Pokemon ORAS since neither Kyu nor i can afford it presently. it looks awesome, and i'm really looking forward to when we can finally get them. it may not happen soon as i'd like, but we both want it too much for it not to happen at all. mostly i've been folliwing the discovery and discussion threads on Serebii (rather the Serebii forums) since it's more accurate and less prone to flailing than the tumblr tags, but it's been amazing so far and i'm really, REALLY looking forward to playing, eventually.

cause we're young and we're reckless (we'll take this way too far)

song+ Blank Space -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ dental shenanigans are happening
downer+ sleep patterns are wonky
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

my routine changed on Sunday, so i totally forgot it was Sunday, and thus totally forgot to post. oops. xD

Kyu's insomnia acted up and we both woke late, then he decided he'd really rather stay home than head up for game day. which i was fine with, but that had my brain thinking it was a Saturday until i got a reminder text from Michelle about Stake Choir Practice. i did okay, so i'm sticking with it through the Christmas program in a month.

otherwise the extractions at the dentist Thursday went fine. the sensitivity is nearly gone now. just momentary twinges really. i go back this Thursday for the other half of the cleaning, but recovery from that will be much less intense, i should think. xD

band-aids don't fix bullet holes (you say sorry just for show)

song+ Bad Blood -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ dental shenanigans are planned
downer+ they're likely to be a little painful
attire+ grey leggings, black pirate boots, jean shorts and a black tee with my green bamboo scarf
drink+ water

my week was surprisingly eventful.last Sunday night i finally hit my pain threshold and asked mom for help getting my dental stuff taken care of. Monday held a consultation to plan out what'll be happening, i start by going back Thursday well into my dosage of antibiotics, after that we'll see about scheduling my next appointment. there will be several to get everything back to optimal again.

last Thursday i had lunch with Michelle, which was fun. it had been a while since our last lunch meeting, even though we'd met up for other things in the interim. Friday i got With Jenni to sew our blocks, and we also ran some other errands. i helped get ready for her ward's trunk or treat and hit that with her, it was a success, i think.

yesterday Mom picked me up and we finished clearing off two of her living room walls and got a solid base coat of paint on the ceiling. we had to stop when it got dark though, most of the light sources had been removed to avoid paint drips, so it required daylight for further progress if we wanted anything close to even coverage. xD that first coat looked pretty solid though. go us!

took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer

song+ Welcome to New York -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ good things are happening lately
downer+ off-and-on toothache
attire+ shorts and a red and navy polo tee
drink+ water

my birthday was a good one this year. Thursday i did lunch with James, Friday i had texts and facebook messages from pretty much everyone and i hit the Trunk or Treat, yesterday was the Halloween Comic Fest, and i made about $45 in tips.

really the off-and-on tooth pain has been so intense lately that at times i'm having trouble with coherent thought, so this entry is short because the words i need keep floating just beyond where i can think them. maybe i'll try again midweek.

the rest of the world was black and white, we were in screaming color

song+ Out of the Woods -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ good things are happening lately
downer+ off-and-on toothache
attire+ leggings, shorts and a Wonder Woman tee
drink+ pineapple soda

so today as a game day will have a slightly different order of events than normal. Wild West is hosting their own game day of sorts with all kinds of other stuff going on, so there really won't be room for us, instead we're heading to Kieth's house and the guys are playing some huge thing on the game table his dad built for him. i'm still taking my art bag and planning to work otherwise.

yesterday was a good day. i feel like mom and i got a lot done even if it took a long while to actually get to the painting part, and some things went wrong in the process. the halls are pretty much done, so mom can put the new flooring down this week and not have to worry about paint drips or whatever.

i'm sure there's more to be said, but mornings and i, we're not on the friendliest of terms. ugh. xD

i try to picture me without you, but i can't

song+ Immortals -Fall Out Boy -Big Hero 6 soundtrack
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ good things are happening lately
downer+ off-and-on toothache
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk

a midweek post? what sorcery is this? xD

i spent the early part of this week doing preparation for the art stuff i'll be doing on the 25th. i definitely still need to work on the sketch practice, but i have my watercolor paper cut neatly into 5x7 pieces. i cut some scrap material to the same dimensions so i can get a handle on scaling my sketches properly for that size paper, and i know that's what i really should be doing right now, but i just don't want to yet?

i also got the shelves that mom bought for me (back when i spent the weekend helping with paint-y things) hung up. they're not perfectly level, because my spazzy muscles were being dumb, but they're close enough that nothing will roll off or fall over, and that's enough for me. i also managed not to hurt myself wielding power tools, so yay for that too! the only downside really is that with the space i spread my MH/EAH dolls out according to release line and it makes it look like i have WAY less. my poor Hat-tastic Briar is all by herself since i don't have any others from that line yet. i dunno maybe around Christmas i'll take a picture to show just how far i've come in a year, since i got my first (sig Raven) for Christmas last year.

tonight i'm gonna dance like you were in this room (but i don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you)

song+ Holy Ground -Taylor Swift -Red
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ good things are happening lately
downer+ off-and-on toothache
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

okay, wow. this is going up super late today, but i kinda forgot it hadn't happened yet. oops. xD between sleeping in, then not being home, then the party at Jenni's for Kayla and Ashley's birthdays posting completely slipped my mind until now.

game day was good, but really it was a mellow painting day. i got another 11 Pokemon drawn, so that's good. Kyu also picked up the watercolor paper i'll be using for Halloween Comicfest and some new brushes, so that's awesome, i have time to get the stuff i'll need pulled together before it happens. i'm honestly likely to spend a lot of my time this week sketching, trying to remember how i used to draw cute chibis. that was my thing back in junior high for my doodles, but it's been quite some time since then, so it might take a while to reignite the muscle memory. xD

legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold

song+ Centuries- Fall Out Boy
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ we have internet again!
downer+ nothing that really matters
attire+ pajamas
drink+ pineapple soda

so Sunday morning i slept in a little, then headed off with Kyu for gaming day. before we left a service tech from our ISP knocked on the door, Kyu cleared up his mistake, the guy wanted a different apartment in our unit, and we left. when we came home it was to the revelation that our internet was no longer working. calling the tech support line, Kyu got an automated message mentioning technical issues in our area. that's what he heard every time he called for two days. Tuesday at lunch he called and insisted on talking to a real person, they did the standard things and lo, upon looking at our account from their end, he could see that our signal was cut off at noon on Sunday. for no reason. a tech was scheduled to come out Wed around 1 to get things working again. (that happened, they are. yay.) anyway, that's why this post is so late.

game day was good, i got a few more done on my Pokedex Challenge, putting me at 151 completed (out of 719), that's the entire first generation done. while i was out i talked to a few unbiased people about the desirability of my art skills and ended up signing up to draw for customers at the big Halloween event the store is throwing on the 25th.

i've gotten pretty comfortable with my watercolor pencls, so i'm gonna be set up to offer sketchy nerdy paintings to whoever asks. Kyu's gonna be set up with his greyscale markers, he did really well with that setup on FCBD back in May, so i think he'll do similarly well this time. right out the gate i figure i can handle requests for Pokemon or Sailor Moon characters. there's a lot otherwise i may need to ask for reference on though. back in May, on top of expected comic book character requests Kyu got a lot of My Little Pony requests, and a few Monster High too. i'd do way better with MH than MLP honestly, but i'm hoping people stick mostly to Pokemon.

i've been goin crazy without internet. i've resorted to going through my folder of saved gaming guides and formatting them all. last time we were internet-less for an extended length of time i formatted all the fanfic i've saved to re-read over the years. this time though it was already done, so game walkthroughs. i could be playing something, but i haven't been able to think of anything i really want to play right now. i'm still working through some of the ones i've never beaten, but i'm hitting the points that made me walk away in the first place, and motivation to continue is flagging.

there's a part of me that's like "oh, play a Pokemon game, you love Pokemon!" but i'm waiting for the new versions that release next month. the last thing i want is to buy them and then not want to play when they're in-hand. so i'm kinda on a Pokemon moratorium. i'm still casually farming berries on my X cart, and i'm using the Pokedex on my Y cart as reference in the challenge, but i'm not really PLAYING either version.

we both know it isn't time, but could you be mine?

song+ Fever -Adam Lambert -
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ i'm progressing steadily
downer+ my knee REALLY hurts
attire+ leggings, shorts and a Batgirl tee
drink+ water

i lost track of time, this should have gone up hours ago. at least i'm hitting the right day? xD

i made further progress on my Pokedex Challenge today, but not nearly as much as last week, since i was definitely distracted by pain. only 9 more today, putting me at 127 completed. whoo!

i slipped in a puddle our AC dripped on the kitchen floor and dislocated my knee when i collided with the dishwasher at about 5am when i really just wanted a snack. it's back in place, and i can walk, but doing so hurts and everything's still a little swollen.

i don't believe a word you say (but i can't stop listening)

song+ Where Did the Party Go? -Fall Out Boy -Save Rock and Roll
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ i'm progressing quickly
downer+ i still lack display sleeves
attire+ black pants and a Tinkerbell tee
drink+ Dr pepper

i spent yesterday helping mom with more painting things, and doing a faceup on her new boy. today i worked more on the Pokedex Challenge. i've now got 118 (out of 719) done, which feels AWESOME.

with this project to keep from burning out, i'm letting myself work on it on the weekend, and during the week i'm working on beating video games that i never managed to finish before, as a kind of decompression project. i have Final Fantasies 2, 5 and 6 waiting, while i'm halfway through 1, then i'll look at my in-progress files for 7, 8, 9, 10 and x-2. i've beaten each of them, but i also have a current in-progress challenge paused on each. 7 is Perfect Inventory, 8 and 9 are no-level, 10 is perfect stats, x-2 is 100% completion and all jobs mastered. with x-2 i've managed 100% on the story, but there were three enemy skills i never managed to learn, i think i've got them now though, so that feels awesome. xD

in between all the gaming and artsy painty doodles, i'm thinking about making Eve a Cinderella dress for this Halloween. she's kinda a pain to sew for so she easily has the least special things to wear, but i think this could be fun. not like Disney's Cinderella, but a generic fairy tale princess in sparkly shoes kinda look. i'll have to see what my fabric options are.

in poison places, we are anti-venom

song+ Young Volcanoes -Fall Out Boy -Save Rock and Roll
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ i'm progressing quickly
downer+ i still lack display sleeves
attire+ black pants and a Wonder Woman tee
drink+ water

i didn't have time to post before we left for game day this morning, but it was a good day, i've now got 66 (out of 719) Pokemon drawn. it's actually moving along WAY faster than i thought i'd manage at all. when this is done and up i may see if i can get a few more done today too. who knows?

pfft.. i thought i had stuff to say, but really there's nothing. i've been working on the Pokedex Challenge or reading this week, so not a whole lot to share with anyone. maybe next week i'll do better.

i'm following the maps that lead to you

song+ Maps -Maroon5 -V
book+ nothing at all
quest+ the Pokedex challenge
upper+ i'm progressing quickly
downer+ i still lack display sleeves
attire+ leggings, shorts, and a black tee
drink+ water

this post is late-ish because i slept in a little today and left for game day before i had time to write anything. i'm back now though, with a solid 16 mini-paintings done for the Pokedex Challenge (only 703 to go). i probably could have managed to get more done, but i forgot the charger for my 3DS so i lost my reference and had to stop for a while. i'm skipping the pencil stage and sketching directly in watercolor pencil on my sketch cards, then blending the colors for tiny 2.5x3.5 paintings. they're the size of trading cards, and i'm keeping the finished ones in these notebook sleeve pages that hold 9 cards each. i'll probably need a bigger notebook eventually, but for now i'm doing okay.

i'll probably keep working on them this week, even after i run out of card sleeve pages to hold them. i'll be getting more next weekend, most likely, since one of our players mentioned that he'd bought a pack when the store ran out of singles and has tons to spare.

show them all we're not the ordinary type

song+ Let's Kill Tonight -Panic! At the Disco -Vices & Virtues
book+ nothing at all
quest+ finishing the plushes that have been commissioned
upper+ Swedish fish
downer+ my everything hurts
attire+ pants and a wonder woman tee
drink+ water

this weekend was a good one. we got a lot done in surprisingly little time. when we picked up the shelving that earned my labor i joked to mom "a weekend of servitude can be yours, for three easy payments of 19.99!" referencing the pricing for the three floating shelves we picked up at IKEA. mom replied that she can't always afford to pay me in shelving, i said that's okay since i only have so much wall space, i can also be bought with toys and junk food. xD

we got the best part of the two hallways done. multiple layers of paint down, carpet (and padding, and most of the tack strips) ripped up and thrown out. doors and door frames need repainting, along with the ceilings, and then once the new flooring is down they're pretty much done and focus can go to the living room.

it's looking really good, and i feel satisfied with what's done so far, but i'm also pretty sore and still a little tired today. i'm sure i'll be recovered by this weekend, but i'm slow-moving today. my knees and right hip are sore from bumping things, and kneeling badly, and who knows what else. my back is tense and sore from the repetitive movements. i'll be fine, but it kinda reminds me how out of shape i've gotten.

baby seasons change, but people don't

song+ the Take Over (We're Gonna Die Young) -Fall Out Boy & Kesha (mashup)
book+ Inn Boonsboro trilogy -Nora Roberts
quest+ Poke-plush and pokedex challenge projects
upper+ weekend at Mom's
downer+ it's freakin hot
attire+ pajamas
drink+ Dr Pepper

this one's being drafted in advance since i'm headed to Mom's this weekend to help with various house projects. i'm also taking along some things of mine that need working on, as i've noticed i'm most productive when i'm not home. xD it's possibly more than i'll have time to get to, but hey, options are a good thing.

Saturday was Kyu's birthday. i told him his gift this year was a weekend living on his own, he's happy enough with a few days of solitude.

we like living together, but he's said before that having never lived on his own, he enjoys when i spend a few days away and he can pretend. nobody asking him to turn things down, or judging what he chooses to watch. i absolutely judge, so it's a fair assessment, he already mentioned he's planning a marathon weekend of horror and westerns, both of which are things i'm not really very fond of. i don't like being scared, and i just find westerns kinda boring, so he's welcome to binge on them when i'm not around.

part of me is a little sad to be missing game day, but i figure any productivity can happen just as well at mom's, and anyone i could be seeing there are just as likely to show up next weekend too. it's also kinda driving home that the knitting group is switching to Mondays on a trial basis through the end of the year, which means mom and i won't be hitting it up. we've agreed on first and third Saturdays so we can still see each other, and they'll be a different kind of fun, but changing my routine always throws me a little off. i'm sure Super Saturdays will be awesome, but getting used to missing Knit Night will take some time.

i've got this music in my mind sayin it's gonna be alright

song+ Shake it Off -Taylor Swift -1989
book+ nothing
quest+ Poke-plush and pokedex challenge projects
upper+ seeing people i enjoy spending time with
downer+ trouble with my sewing machine
attire+ black pants, and a Mario Kart tee
drink+ water

still working to overcome last week's sewing issues. this time i plan to take along side projects in case it continues to be uncooperative. i've done some work this week to streamline the creative stuff i need organized to undertake the Pokedex challenge, which i think i first mentioned nearly a year ago. i now have 419 (out of 718) 2.5x3.5 sketch cards cut in watercolor paper, and an empty binder waiting to display them. i just need to buy the card sleeves to hold them and actually get to drawing and painting them. yay progress!

don't pretend you'd ever forget about me

song+ Take Over, the Break's Over -Fall Out Boy -Infinity On High
book+ nothing
quest+ Poke-plush project
upper+ seeing people i enjoy spending time with
downer+ trouble with my sewing machine
attire+ black leggings, skirt, and Wonder Woman tee
drink+ water

i tried using my sewing machine this morning to work on one of the plushes i've been commissioned to make, the tension is screwy. i don't know yet if it's a problem with the bobbin or if i'll need to mess with knobs and dials to fix things, but it's annoying that i lost a morning's work when the threads slipped loose repeatedly. i've made moderate progress on both in spite of setbacks, but it's still annoying since i'd hoped to be pretty much done with both today, and i'm assuredly not.

i think that maybe i've managed to offset the lingering sleepiness that plagued my mornings the last few weeks, today i was up on my own pretty early, so i can hope the lethargy has passed. this post is hours late because of the sewing machine trouble eating into my blogging time prior to leaving for game day, not because of any sleeping issues.

bear in a jet-pack (please take me back)

song+ 20 Dollar Nose Bleed -Fall Out Boy -Folie A Deux
book+ nothing
quest+ Poke-plush project
upper+ productivity, though not on the projects i meant to work on
downer+ flip flop readjustment period
attire+ black pants and a blue Wonder Woman tee
drink+ pineapple soda

waking up this week has been extra hard for some reason, but i've tried my best. even getting up later than i mean to, it's been a solid month since i slept past noon, so definite progress.

today at game day i hope to get more done preparing my poke-plush patterns. the pattern drafting takes up much less space than the construction, stuffing, and detailing, so it's the part i'm comfortable packing up and taking along for a day's work. some of my patterns are completely experimental at this point, no idea if they'll turn out anything like what i need, others look pretty much foolproof. i should test-sew them soon. i kinda have the feeling that i'll get further with the poke-plushes than i ever did with the pokedex challenge, which is drawing all of them and keeping a sharable record, there are now 718+. the progress i made there was getting like 200(ish) little 3x4 note cards cut from the watercolor paper i was gonna use. nothing got drawn or painted though. xD oops.

you talk, i walk, wanna feel the danger

song+ Get Outta My Way -Kylie Minogue -Aphrodite
book+ nothing
quest+ commissioned plush
upper+ great weather lately
downer+ lost a long-time pair of flip flops
attire+ black leggings, denim skirt and a Thor tee
drink+ Dr Pepper

i'm working my way through the testing phase of the pattern i figured out for a plush one of our gaming friends commissioned from me. i also think i'll take along some materials to work on drafting a Psyduck plush at MSD scale, which was something i was specifically asked if i could do. i'm pretty sure i can, but the one i already promised takes priority.

yesterday was the quilting club, which was pleasant but overall uneventful. Jenni and i pretty much decided to do next year's blocks for the fun of sewing them, then give them to Mom since she likes the colorway and we really don't. like it's pretty enough, but it's really not something i'd keep for myself. i like bright colors and interesting visual textures, this is muted neutral tones and tiny florals. some of the scraps should work pretty well for doll stuff, but the blocks themselves i have no interest in retaining.

anyway, after that when i was home again, for a reason i no longer recall Kyu was gonna walk up to the gas station and asked if i wanted to come along. i said sure, and we're not even around the corner of our own apartment when some jerk takes the turn WAY too fast. Kyu had to literally jump about a foot to the left to avoid being hit, which bumped me and i had to scramble to stay upright. my left flip flop didn't survive the trauma, it snapped at the toe strap, with the ends too frayed to sew back together, so they got thrown away and i'm now on to one of my remaining pairs. i haven't worn them in years and my prior strap callouses have gone away. the walk to and from the gas station in them ripped open the tops of both feet, so i'm feeling less than awesome today, but i'll get by. the plan is crafty productivity, we'll see what i actually manage to get done, i guess.

stuff and things

song+ Everything Is Awesome! -the Lego Movie
book+ nothing
quest+ things and stuff
upper+ feeling happyish
downer+ losing lots of time
attire+ black pants and my batgirl tee
drink+ pineapple soda

so this week hasn't amounted to much productivity wise. really i kept spacing and losing huge chunks of time all at once. in theory i'm still working on the same projects, but really i've been glued to my computer wishing i could afford the egregiously expensive EAH SDCC exclusive doll, Cerise Wolf. she's GORGEOUS, but i don't have 120+shipping, which was the best price i saw on ebay for her. urgh. so much want though.

i could sing this song for hours!

song+ Everything Is Awesome! -the Lego Movie
book+ nothing
quest+ painting my collected Warhammer junk
upper+ great dolly week!
downer+ it rained so much i made no progress painting
attire+ black pants and a blue and red polo tee
drink+ pineapple soda

the money i brought in between my Lone Star transaction and the sale to HPB bought me another 10 MH/EAH dolls and several outfits. i'm pleased. they take up way less space than the stuff i sold, and i'm really enjoying myself playing with them.

today is a doll meet i'm actually attending, but when i get home i'll see what i can manage so far as decent photographs of my growing collection. the last of them arrived about an hour ago so i need to shuffle things a bit for a better overall fit. so for now this is is, post to come later with collection pictures.

next day edit: pictures!

i've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match

song+ What A Catch, Donnie -Fall Out Boy -Infinity On High
book+ nothing
quest+ clearing out my collected Warhammer junk
upper+ i've got most of it assembled
downer+ very little is painted
attire+ tights, jean shorts, and a black shirt
drink+ water

the box of books made it to Half-Price Books on Tuesday, thanks to mom. my comics made it to Lone Star on Thursday and my payment should be ready Monday at some point.

i spent a good chunk of my day yesterday going through my huge bucket of cast aside Warhammer pieces and assembling them. i ran out of table space before i could finish so the next step is to get my smaller collection (the Dark Elves) painted so i can put them away and finish assembling the larger collection (my Tomb Kings). fully assembled i'll know what i actually have so i can tell a friend and he can list it for sale. painted i'll get more for it. so assembling and painting are my to-do list for the foreseeable future.

i did manage to make it back up to Wild West to take pictures of the plush i made for Kim (since it was still there and i completely forgot to last week) so here's mugshots of her Bulbasaur. she's happy with it, so i am too. but yeah, this is what i did last Sunday. today's just a journal and music day.

it's not the hand you've got but how you play it

song+ Password -Kylie Minogue -Light Years
book+ nothing
quest+ finishing more half-done projects
upper+ had a great holiday weekend
downer+ slight allergic reaction
attire+ black tights, khaki shorts, and a teal/brown sheer blouse over a black tank
drink+ water

the fourth was great, Kyu got to do the cookout that fell apart last year, he really likes cooking for people but doesn't get many chances really. the day after was the quilt class, at which i did kinda ingest some kind of nut, but thanks to a drink to flush it out and plenty of sleep last night i feel mostly fine today. i'm a little achey, but nowhere near incapacitated by violent sickness which is my standard reaction to most nuts. the worst thing yesterday in the think of it was cottonmouth and all-over itchiness, so i'm gonna guess it was walnut, which is my mildest nut allergy.

anyhow, today being Sunday, we're about to head up to Wild West for game day. i've packed the stuff to (hopefully) get a pokemon plush finished for an employee that's leaving later this month.her last day is the 25th, but since i'm working on clearing out incomplete projects anyway it really makes sense to push this one to the head of the queue.

i did get all the single issue comics i spent days organizing listed for sale, and i gathered another box that'll head to Half-Price Books in the next week or so. it feels good actually making so much visible progress through the goals i've set for myself, mostly because so many of my recent goals have been intangible things. mostly related to mental/emotional recovery. talking to strangers, maintaining eye contact, getting out of bed and going to sleep on a regular schedule. those aren't things i can slap a gold star on for other people to see and congratulate my progress, you know? xD

in my heart little stars

song+ Cue the Rain -Lea Michele -Louder
book+ P4 guides
quest+ finishing several half-done projects
upper+ success so far with normal-people sleep patterns
downer+ i am like ridiculously broke
attire+ bights, shorts, and a purple tank
drink+ strawberry soda

this week Kyu and i tried something new. because i hate my alarm with a passionate psychotic rage, frequently i crawl back in bed out of spite after shutting it off. i do not share those ragey feelings for Kyu, so this week he's woken me up before leaving for work, and i've been going to bed around midnight to facilitate this. it's working very well so far.

in any event, my plans for today are to finish this post then gather my brushes plus blues, greens, purples and a yellow so i can paint a galaxy for dad while Kyu does his gaming. i promised it to him some time ago, but i see him so rarely it didn't seem high priority. i should be seeing him tomorrow though, so i should get it done. while my monthly meetup with Michelle is generally for food, this month she's talking me to see dad instead.

done. yay.

song+ When the Day Met the Night -Panic! At the Disco -Pretty. Odd.
book+ DQ9 guides
quest+ (further) cleaning the apartment
upper+ tons of creative ideas
downer+ no money to follow through
attire+ brown sundress
drink+ Dr Pepper

this last week has been spent in a haze of cleaning products and exhaustive labor. Monday we got notice that Tuesday we'd be getting fitted for new outlets in our kitchen. apparently our apartment offended the electricians, because they reported a mess of lies (mostly about our "violent and aggressive" dog and an apocalyptic roach problem) that had the site manager walking through giving us ultimatums. basically this Monday he's walking through again and if he's unhappy we're out, and also Friday we had to let the bug guy in to spray and clear out our "infestation" which we don't have. we had visible signs there had been a BAD bug problem in the past, but not for more than a year really.

when the bug guy came through and did his thing he asked follow up questions about past bug trouble, and he mentioned that there really weren't any bugs to be seen, even with the "flusher", which i assume is something that draws them into the open. really though we're pretty much done now. Kyu still needs to clean his room, but the amount of progress made this week is astounding.

i may be helping Kyu in his room tonight, but if i am it's likely to be something like folding the piles of laundry he's sorted and manning the trash bag. we'll see how it goes, but there's been enough progress that he feels justified being part of game day, so we'll be heading up for that in a minute.

eurgh

song+ When the Day Met the Night -Panic! At the Disco -Pretty. Odd.
book+ DQ9 guides
quest+ (further) cleaning the apartment
upper+ tons of creative ideas
downer+ no money to follow through
attire+ brown sundress
drink+ Dr Pepper

i hate being sick. i stayed home today to try and sleep it off and it just figures, Kyu tells me James showed up for game day (first time in a month) AND he brought Becky. i'm sure i missed all kinds of entertaining conversation today keeping my germs at home. *sigh*

i've made it through season three of Psych, then i hit a mood where i just had to stop. i was enjoying it, but i knew if i wanted to keep enjoying it i needed a break, so i restarted my spare DQ9 cart. it's been interesting trying to figure out how much i can still do since a bulk of the post game was unlocked via wifi and Nintendo dropped support of that entirely last month. i've heard i can unlock the stuff by tagging my more complete cart via local wireless, which means i could probably pass Bonnie my good dungeon maps the same way. we talked about getting together to play months ago and it just hasn't happened yet. i suppose the first step is figuring out just how much of the co-op can be played via local wireless and not Nintendo wifi.

really (aside from the being sick thing) i'm feeling restless, like i wanna be CREATING something, but there's no space or material, or time since the cleaning thing is priority. really though i just wanna paint, and i wanna sew, and i wanna try my hand at recreating some of my favorite DQ equipment at doll-scale (even if i haven't 100% decided which scale). my initial idea was the slightly smaller than 45cm doll line i wanna (eventually) get the three characters i haven't-been-writing for the last 6 years in: Iplehouse's KID line (35cm tall). it's kinda a niche size, but the gender discrepancy would be negligible so most anything i made could be worn by either gender. if i go with that choice it'll be quite some time before i can follow through since i don't own anyone that scale. my other idea is crafting for my MH/EAH dolls. i have plenty of models already, and plans to get more once i can afford them. i know it's a fanbase that likes custom content, the downside here is that there's a DEFINITE difference in body types and i don't own all the options i'd wanna cover. MH has three female bodies and a male, EAH has three lady heights, the torso and arms on all are the same (the difference is entirely in the legs) and their male body is markedly different than the monster counterpart. i suppose choosing either way has to wait anyway, until i can afford materials to work with, much less more models to show off the items.

um yeah

song+ Don't Let Go -Lea Michele -Louder
book+ nothing
quest+ cleaning the apartment
upper+ borrowed the beginning of Psych from Jenni
downer+ uh being left alone for the weekend is always odd
attire+ black tank, skirt and rainbow-trimmed tutu
drink+ Sobe strawberry daiquiri

i'm nearly done with the first season of Psych, i borrowed the first two from Jenni yesterday when we met up to head to Carrolton for the quilt class. i'll likely finish the last disc tonight after game day. even though Kyu is at A-kon this weekend i'll still be heading up the game store to see James in a while.

i feel like i should have more to talk about lately, but i've been watching things and cleaning and very little else, which doesn't make for very interesting reading material.

kinda listless

song+ Run Dry (X heart X Fingers) -Patrick Stump -Soul Punk
book+ nothing
quest+ cleaning the apartment
upper+ ideas for painting
downer+ nothing i wanna watch
attire+ pirate boots and a brown sundress
drink+ root beer

i'm kinda still in that post pop culture binge fugue state. you know, when you pay way too much attention to just one thing, so when you're done all you can think is "what now?" i really enjoyed OUAT, so i'm actually considering a re-watch as i'm sure i'll enjoy different aspects on re-watching it, i just don't think i want to re-watch it YET.

it just so happens that i recently binged on pretty much every form of entertainment i'm into, so i don't know where to focus. like i've played insane amounts of Pokemon in the last months, and before that i was binging Dragon Quest, and before that the harder-to-play Final Fantasies. really i think i just need to finish cleaning so i can set up my easel and paint my way through some of the music i've built up and never listened to. i have been wanting to do something visually creative lately.

really i could work on the Pokemon plushes i've drafted some patterns for, but that's gonna be a bit more fiddly than i'm prepared to deal with just now. i want something relaxing and easy.

what now?

song+ Hell and Silence -Imagine Dragons -Hell and Silence
book+ nothing
quest+ cleaning the apartment
upper+ finished OUAT
downer+ i don't know?
attire+ blue and green starry pajamas
drink+ water

i spent about half of the last week working my way through all three seasons of Once Upon a Time while i worked at cleaning the apartment. it was entertaining to watch, but now i'm all caught up and impatient for the next season to start. pretty sure i'm entirely uninterested in the spinoff (OUAT in Wonderland) as i really only started watching looking forward to two particular characters that have nothing to do with that part of the story.

really i've reached that "huh, this is done.. what next?" feeling. i'm not a fan of it really, but i have no idea what else i wanna do while i push forward with the cleaning thing.

fun at the faire!

song+ This Is the Last Time -Keane -Hopes and Fears
book+ ff12 guide
quest+ eh? nothing really
upper+ fun daytrip
downer+ MEGA allergies
attire+ brown sundress
drink+ strawberry limeade

i made it out to Scarbie today with Mommy2, Wolfie and his son Jeremy. good times were had by all (i think?), food was yummy, sunburn is minimal. my shoulders and face are pinkish, but nothing on my back, which is awesome.

i've reached the point where i want food, then i wanna sleep off the food and sun, so i'll end this post with a pic from the day. if i look a little lazy eyed, it's because i was trying not to sneeze and ruin the shot.

oops, late again.

song+ Scream and Be Free -Hanson -Anthem
book+ ff12 guide
quest+ eh? nothing really
upper+ making progress fighting the blahs
downer+ mega allergies
attire+ brown sundress
drink+ milk

i meant to post yesterday, i just forgot to before we left for the game day, then after my allergy fits were so bad i went to bed at 6pm. then i proceeded with today like i'd posted yesterday, forgetting that i actually hadn't. oops.

not much happening around here, Moose graduated from college Saturday and there was a family (and friends) dinner that evening. most anyone who reads this was probably invited to that though. i worked out Scarbie plans with Suzy, we're going this Saturday with Wolfie and his no-longer-estranged biological son, who moved to Texas (into their spare room specifically) to reconnect a few weeks ago. i'm pretty sure i have enough costume pieces to dress both myself and Suzy, though the guys plan to wear regular clothes.

the only other things happening are my semi-frantic replays of the old Pokemon games, as Nintendo announced they plan to stop wifi support on DS (and older) systems May 20. i'm doing my best to make as much progress on my shiny hunting as possible before then in the older games.

carry on

song+ Jai Ho -Pussycat Dolls
book+ ff12 guide
quest+ eh? nothing really
upper+ making progress fighting the blahs
downer+ mega allergies
attire+ white and turquoise plaid sundress
drink+ ginger ale

Tuesday was my April lunch date with James, Wednesday was his birthday. i told him that for his present i'd try to actually finish the painting i meant to give him for Christmas (it kept coming out WRONG) and being like week-of would be better than i'd managed in the last 5 or so years. the painting is done, it's still not quite what i imagined, but better than anything else has been, and since i'll be seeing him in a few hours (most likely) for game day i'm choosing to call it good enough.

Friday Jenni picked me up to work on our quilt blocks, and we got them mostly done before she had to move on to other tasks, yesterday was the trip to Carrolton for the new block, then i headed up to Wild West where Kyu had been drawing for their Free Comic Book Day event since 8am. i made it there some time like 2:30 and stayed about 6 hours to help clean up after closing. there were 6 artists there in the morning (though half had left by 4ish) and there were people all day long willing to wait 30 minutes for a sketch from Kyu. the drawings were free, but signs indicated tipping was welcome, and Kyu brought home more drawing yesterday than he earns working a full day at his day job. like even after buying a spontaneous chicken dinner and a few other things, he still has 100 more dollars than he did Friday after work.

so i'm completely aware that this is tangential, but why are dude-marketed razors SO MUCH BETTER than lady razors? they're cheaper, the blades seem much more effective, and best of all, i had NO allergic reaction to the stupid moisture strip! breaking out in hives and rashes in reaction to shaving is seriously 98% of the reason i've been so lazy about shaving since puberty. i'd rather wear layers and hide sasquatch legs than deal with itching and irritation for DAYS in an effort to look more conventionally attractive for a few hours. it's like 12 hours later though and i have no visible irritation for the first time i can remember, seriously like EVER. i have allergies to multiple metals, and a pretty intense (anaphylaxis on ingestion, swelling and skin breakage from chemical irritation rash on surface contact) reaction to cucumber which is used appallingly commonly in "ladies" products. and again, the dude razors are SO much cheaper. it's entirely possible i'm the last person on earth to figure this out, but it's insane how much better i feel today than i expected to. because i'll do the layers and whatever, but it gets HOT here and generally speaking i'm not a fan of pants, so it's good knowing i have options again. xD

the fog is rolling in

song+ No Words -the Script -3
book+ ff12 guide
quest+ poke-plushes!
upper+ fun mini doll meet yesterday
downer+ allergies
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

i can feel the oppressive haze of indifference creeping in. that's the worst part of my chronic depression, when i'm not sad, and i want to do things, but it's the hardest thing in the world to even get out of bed. i want to be designing and sewing, or writing, maybe even painting or playing one of my numerous saves on any number of video games, but the hardest part of my day every time i wake up is getting out of bed. i've been dealing with tension headaches, airborne allergies, and light and sound sensitivity on top of that. it's made things generally unpleasant. it's hard to find the right words, there's so much i want to say, but there's a block keeping me from getting it out. it sucks.

happy easter!

song+ All I See -Kylie Minogue -X
book+ nothing
quest+ poke-plushes!
upper+ ah..something i'm sure?
downer+ difficulty on some of my poke-patterns
attire+ black pants and my union jack Tardis tee
drink+ water

i slept in this morning, so i had no time to post before i headed up to Wild West, but i'm still hitting the right day at least.

i don't have much to show for this week's project progress because i'm still figuring patterns. i think i'm mostly over the hurdle i've been caught on (with Cubone) for a few days though, so maybe soon.

really between drafting patterns and planning my decompression endeavor (most likely a power leveled FF12 run) i've had lots going on in my brain but very little outward progress. i've also been working off and on to clean up the downstairs of our apartment (the kitchen especially) so we can get the maintenance guy to come finally fix pretty much everything. really i've learned that when i hyper focus on one thing i burn out faster, when i switch between projects i'm more productive overall because it takes longer for me to get to that "i can't even look at this" point.

it's been a moderately productive week

song+ Love, Selfish Love -Patrick Stump -Truant Wave
book+ nothing
quest+ poke-plushes!
upper+ awesome spring storm outside
downer+ all our umbrellas are broken
attire+ black pants and my smitey-Thor tee
drink+ ginger ale

still in a creative mood, i sewed a skirt for Skelita Tuesday at knit night, and a vest Thursday evening. the robe that'll complete the outfit is waiting. instead i spent yesterday looking at available free pokemon plush patterns and thinking i could do better than some of them, so i drafted a Spheal for Kyu. it came out well overall, even if the front end got a little smooshy faced. i suppose starting with a perfectly spherical pokemon wasn't the smartest choice.

i spent last night altering and resizing an Ivysaur pattern i found, and this morning i'll be drawing the parts it totally neglected to cover (like ears) it should be ready to be test-sewn tonight for sure. then i think i wanna try and figure out Lapras, or maybe a Gengar pattern. i'm doing my best to draft them all in scale to MSD, which makes them about one sixth human scale (i think). sewing something that's 4-6 feet tall in scale to a 45cm doll is way easier really. xD

no pictures of anything because my desk and the surrounding areas look like a hurricane hit and there's nowhere unoffensive to take photos, but i'll do my best to get pictures in the next week.

ideas are percolating

song+ America's Suitehearts -Fall Out Boy -Folie a Deux
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ feeling productive
downer+ insomnia is scrambling my brain
attire+ pajamas
drink+ ginger ale

so i'm in a creating kinda mood. i spent several hours yesterday finding free Monster High clothing patterns, tracing them from my screen (as i have no printer) and adjusting them to be easier to use. if i can make a mostly-functional garment from paper, i know it'll fit when i make it from fabric. i've come to realize that pattern drafting (for me) requires a very specific mindset, but alterations i can do (and enjoy!) pretty much any time. i figure i've got this morning to keep going with that before we head up to Wild West for game day. last week i managed to watch two games (even if i didn't really follow everything) so i'm hoping i can manage similarly today. if not, i'll probably have further pattern alteration i can work on.

my first project is an outfit for muffin's MH Skelita. being a day of the dead inspired skeleton girl she doesn't fit standard clothes well, and muffin doesn't like the frilly BRIGHT skirt she came wearing, so i offered to make something else. something flowing and adjustable, and dark. the other patterns i'm modifying will be personal-use, because my favorite thing about doll collecting is changing their clothes. like all the time. xD

after i have the stuff figured out for Skelita i wanna work out new looks for my EAH girls. i have specific ideas for Blondie and Cupid, and vague ones for Raven, Maddie and Apple, so i should have plenty to keep me busy. no idea how much will be finished this week, but it's an entertaining project for now.

still fighting with my brain

song+ All the Lovers -Kylie Minogue -Aphrodite
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ pleasant week overall
downer+ insomnia is scrambling my brain
attire+ pajamas
drink+ strawberry-kiwi juice

so i kinda missed my Sunday deadline on this one, insomnia had me off kilter and i thought it was Saturday all day. oops. game day was Saturday for so long that being at the store makes me think that's what it must be. i'm sure i'll adjust eventually, but the sleep deprivation didn't help with perception.

i managed to sit long enough to enjoy a few games yesterday, it does seem easier to learn than 40k, but i'm still likely to be pretty lost until i can sit and read the rulebook. still waiting for my brain to decide words aren't the enemy anymore. not being able to read has been pretty frustrating.

a midweek post? what sorcery is this?

song+ I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) -Fall Out Boy -From Under the Cork Tree
book+ Unfairest of them All- Shannon Hale
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ pleasant week overall
downer+ trouble processing written words lately
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

every weekend i'm all "not much is happening, except Pokemon" but i guess that's not really true. it ties into a lot of what i brought up talking to Rory on Skype, so there's gonna be some quoting going on here while i work on sharing what i'm thinking and feeling. i'm very honest, but i'm also very secretive and it's sometimes hard to balance the two.

[8:20:57 PM] Rory: HI HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
[8:21:57 PM] neko: i think i'm okay?
[8:22:35 PM] neko: like i'm not depressed, but i'm feeling more like a burden than normal, so i wanna find a job, but it needs to be something that won't send me back into the abyss i spent 3 years fighting my way out of.
[8:22:52 PM] neko: that's not going too well.
[8:23:24 PM] neko: i'm underqualified for general adult-type jobs, and overqualified for generic entry-level jobs.
[8:24:14 PM] neko: so it's frustrating. i feel like i'm not really getting anywhere, so i disteact myself with designing and pokemon, but that makes it look like i'm not trying at all, which is stressing kyu pretty badly.
[8:24:42 PM] neko: plus my insomnia's been wicked bad lately, and nothing i've tried has helped there at all.

(this section is RE:Rory's recent posts about suicide urges) 

[8:34:56 PM] neko: sometimes all you can do is try and think of why you want to live. and sometimes that's fucking hard.
[8:35:22 PM] Rory: yeah..
[8:35:44 PM] neko: like i've never wanted to die, but sometimes it's all i can do to think of one single reason i wanna keep living. i exist in a greyish limbo between them.
[8:36:16 PM] neko: fear controls so much of my life, it's really hard to see past it to any kind of positive outcome.
[8:37:47 PM] Rory: that's terrifying. :/
[8:37:52 PM] neko: like i want to work, and go to school to get a degree and do something with my life, but most of the time i dread leaving the aparment that i HATE because as hellish as this place is, outside means contact with people and that's terrifying.
[8:38:01 PM] neko: xD yeah i know
[8:38:42 PM] neko: i dread getting through school and ending up like dad, listless and unable to use my degree for anything, piling up hopeless debt
[8:38:57 PM] Rory: i was similarly terrified of people when I got back into the working world.
[8:39:03 PM] neko: i worry that i'll get a degree and just be NOT GOOD ENOUGH
[8:39:59 PM] neko: i've lived tormented by social anxiety my whole life. i don't know eye colors of people i love absolutely because eye contact is so hard for me.
[8:40:11 PM] Rory: MINE ARE GREEN
[8:40:15 PM] Rory: just FYI
[8:40:32 PM] Rory: a mossy green with bits of brown and grey
[8:40:47 PM] neko: like i know kyu's eys are blue, but only because i've been told that. 10 years of dating (and more of friendship) and even his eyes i can't meet. are they blue-grey? green-blue? no idea
[8:41:54 PM] neko: mine are a dark brown, with gold tones in sunlight, but i have no idea if they match anyone else in the family, because i CAN"T LOOK without panic overwhelming me.

(a gap here as Rory filled me in on family eye colors)

[8:52:19 PM] neko: i'm not good at interpersonal relationships. they're really hard for me, so i struggle to maintain them. there are only a few people i really make that continual effort for, because i know how terrible my life would be without them in it.
[8:52:34 PM] neko: i feel guilty that most of the people i'll make effort for i'm not related to.
[8:53:01 PM] neko: i try with James, and kyu (it's easier that we live together, but even before, i tried),
[8:53:50 PM] neko: i keep up with you and mom, but that's about the limit of my capacity. i wonder if there's something inherently wrong in me that i can't love more than i do, that i can't connect to a wider group.
[8:54:06 PM] neko: i love our family, but most of them are barely a step up from strangers.
[8:54:09 PM] neko: to me
[8:54:39 PM] neko: now i see jenni a few times a month, but i still wouldn't say we're lose.
[8:54:43 PM] neko: close
[8:55:13 PM] neko: we enjoy spending time together, and we both manage friendliness, but that's the best i've ever managed with her.
[8:56:08 PM] neko: with rose every time i've tried i've ended up frustrated. i only exist to her when she needs something from me, or when it's my birthday. i deserve better, so i stopped trying.
[8:56:37 PM] neko: bonnie's nice enough, but there's distance emotional and physical and neither of us really manages to overcome it. ever.
[8:57:23 PM] neko: dad is dad. he's not my poppa, that man died. this is a shell that looks like him but manages to hurt my feelings every time we meet, and never seems to notice that his words are cutting me.
[8:57:41 PM] neko: i miss you.
[8:58:07 PM] Rory: I miss you too.
[8:58:30 PM] neko: i'm crying now. XD
[8:58:51 PM] neko: i try SO HARD, but i shouldn't have to try. family should be easy.
[8:59:03 PM] Rory: I feel the same way. So if there's something wrong with you it's wrong with me too.
[8:59:03 PM] neko: even when we fought, we GOT each other.
[8:59:19 PM] neko: why can't i have that with anyone else?
[8:59:58 PM] neko: like kyu gets me better than anyone (even you) but there are still things where he just can't understand at all
[9:00:11 PM] neko: am i that complicated? that hard to connect to?
[9:00:21 PM] Rory: I don't know. :/ But I do know that we HAVE got each other, and we understand each other, even if we don't agree at all times.
[9:01:13 PM] Rory: I can't claim to know you as well as your most intimate partner for 10 years, but I know you like two very close siblings know each other.
[9:01:21 PM] neko: yeah. xD
[9:02:26 PM] neko: like today he was frustrated and he said something along the lines of "sometimes i wanna slap your whole family, because yes we're best friends, but i'm your EX-BOYFRIEND, i shouldn't be your only emotional support!"
[9:02:57 PM] neko: and it made me feel guilty, because he's pretty much right, but i feel like a lot of the disconnect is on me.
[9:03:15 PM] neko: i can't relate and relax enough to be honest with them, so of course they don't know i need help.
[9:03:39 PM] neko: you do, i'm here for you and you're there for me, but the distance makes things hard

[9:59:01 PM] Rory: my head is pounding from Michael's tantrum.
[9:59:12 PM] neko: mine is from crying.
[9:59:21 PM] Rory: oh maybe mine's from your crying too
[9:59:25 PM] Rory: stop crying
[9:59:27 PM] Rory: XD
[9:59:32 PM] neko: i did, it got stuck.
[9:59:36 PM] neko: :(
[9:59:47 PM] Rory: that's balls
[10:00:46 PM] Rory: What's your crying motivation?
[10:00:52 PM] Rory: Maybe I can milk it and draw it out?
[10:00:56 PM] neko: ah no?
[10:01:00 PM] Rory: XD
[10:01:31 PM] neko: it's feeling like a shitty human being that's a burden for everyone i care about it, too broken to ever really live a life. i'd rather not have that poked at thanks. xD
[10:01:40 PM] Rory: damn
[10:01:49 PM] neko: right?
[10:01:55 PM] Rory: you're not a burden on me if that makes a difference.
[10:01:57 PM] neko: and this is me NOT DEPRESSED
[10:01:59 PM] neko: xD
[10:02:01 PM] neko: yay!
[10:02:05 PM] neko: one down!
[10:02:12 PM] Rory: 3 to go?
[10:02:29 PM] neko: or more
[10:02:29 PM] Rory: Mom. Jonathon, James?
[10:02:36 PM] neko: basically yeah
[10:02:38 PM] Rory: XD
[10:02:59 PM] neko: those but i also feel like a burden to other people too, anyone i tangentially know sometimes
[10:03:05 PM] Rory: oh
[10:03:07 PM] Rory: that's harder
[10:03:34 PM] neko: yeah. liike "my life touched yours for half a second once. i'm sorry anything that ever when wrong for you was my fault"

so now you know, when i say "not much has happened but Pokemon" what i probably mean is "Rory and i played therapist for each other a few times and i'm too emotionally stunted to share again so i'll pretend everything is okay because asking for help is hard".

good times

song+ Cannonball -Lea Michele -Louder
book+ Unfairest of them All- Shannon Hale
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ pleasant week overall
downer+ trouble processing written words lately
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

this week was a good one. more Pokemon got played (unsurprising, i'm sure) and Thursday i had lunch out with a friend. the best part of the week was definitely yesterday though, going to the Stars/Senators game with mom, Jenni and Derek. i don't really like sports in general, but i had fun, and by the time the game was over i could even mostly follow what was going on. xD the seats were really great and the company was too. by no means am i a hockey convert, but i did have fun for sure.

in a few hours we'll be heading up to the comic shop for gaming day. i still haven't been in a place where i can sit and observe enough to figure out if i'd like playing it yet, but i like talking to the employees, and i know the regular social interaction is good for me. there's a chance i may be tired early, but that's because i've had raging insomnia this week. i didn't sleep Friday night, then got home from the game and was asleep by 7:30 or so, only to wake up at 3am. i got out of bed and did internet-y things, discovered the second books in two trilogies i've been looking forward to both release on the 25th, so if i can manage to focus long enough to process the written word i have those to look forward to this week. and more Pokemon of course. xD

a day late

song+ Runnin' -Adam Lambert -Trespassing
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ plans for this weekend
downer+ my sleep schedule's wonky again
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk

i didn't realize i'd missed yesterday's post until just now. oops. my excuse is (surprise) i was playing Pokemon and lost track of time. xD the games i was waiting on from Rory arrived, so i was playing them, then using them to transfer basically everything into the newest one. i like having a concrete goal for my game play, and my current goal of "collect everything" is broken down into sub-goals in my head, one of which is very close to completion (collect every legend).

game day went well, both last week and yesterday. last week four players showed and more filtered through and expressed interest in it, yesterday one of them played Kyu's spare army, and another brought in his stuff to play. it looks like there's a lot of people who WANT to play the game in the area, but until now they really had nowhere to play it, so Kyu has high hopes for the community growing now that there's a local store supporting it.

try try again

song+ Sleepwalker -Adam Lambert -For Your Entertainment
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ ID stuff is taken care of
downer+ small annoyances seem huge lately
attire+ black pants, black tee with red WW logo
drink+ ginger ale

so last week's War Machine game day didn't really happen. it was decent enough for our walk up there, but other places were icy and unsafe, so none of the other players made it in. we basically spent the day eating pizza and hanging out with the employees. it was fun, but not what either of us expected out of the day. today is try 2, and at least one other player should be there. xD

i've played a lot more pokemon this week, and i'll be playing even more. it's still probably not something most of ya'll are interested in reading about unless something awesome happens. XD

Friday i made it to the newer DMV on eastchase, i was in and out with my provisional ID (and a promise that my new one would be in the mail in about two weeks) in under an hour. it's so much bigger and cleaner than the tiny one i'd always been to before. it was a much better trip than the fruitless one about two weeks ago. absolutely worth driving slightly out of the way. now my job hunt can rally pick up again.

more pokemon this week

song+ Girls Girls Boys -Panic! At the Disco -Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ i have most of what i need to get the ID stuff finished
downer+ small annoyances seem huge lately
attire+ black tights, boots, tank and sheer tuxedo blouse with khaki shorts
drink+ water

as mentioned last week, i've been thinking about pokemon a lot, so i've been playing pokemon a lot. i've already talked it out with most anyone who'd care, so i won't really get into it here, but that's why i don't have much else to talk about.

today is the first day of Kyu's efforts to get the comic shop (now called Wild West, though years of habit has me still referring to it as LSC's central store in my head) to run game days for War Machine. i'm gonna head up with him to watch some games. several people have said it's a better fit for me than Warhammer was, so i'm gonna watch it at least. i'm a very visual learner, so watching games get played is how i figure things out best.

i plan to have my art bag in case it's just totally not my thing. i have ideas for dresses for my EAH girls, that i think are pretty true to their established aesthetic and characterization, while embracing a more modern flavor, so we'll see if i can articulate those designs on paper enough to start figuring out patterns for a new teeny doll type. xD

ID drama

song+ Rusty Halo -the Script
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ things are moving forward, if slowly
downer+ ID drama
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

this week's been interesting. Rory was home from work more than i'm used to due to side effects of medication, so we spent like 2 consecutive days on skype, which was pretty fun. talk spanned multiple subjects, but one of them was definitely Pokemon, because after i was inspired to get back to breeding and fill out gaps in my full list. there's currently 718 specimens, and i have 569 of them stored. i have more i'll likely get bred today to fill further gaps, but this has been pretty fun, and a good way to keep myself occupied really while i have to wait on other things.

this week i did finally try to go get my ID renewed, it expired and renewing it wasn't a priority while i wasn't doing anything that needed it. turns out since it's been expired for more than two years, i can't renew it, i have to apply for a new one outright. that wouldn't be a problem but i now have to track down all kinds of documentation to show i'm who i say i am, most of which are a real pain to get without an ID. i have to wait for a copy of my birth certificate to get here (kyu took care of that headache for me), and i have my expired ID and social security card, but i also need proof of residence, so i'll be taking in a copy of our lease (which we're renewing next week) and our last electric bill, which was for some reason in my name? it's annoying overall, but also because it's pausing my job hunt a little more definitively. it'll all be taken care of, but it's not something i thought would be a problem, so it's pretty frustrating to deal with.

more stuff, i guess

song+ One More Night -Maroon 5 -Overexposed
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ new fun things!
downer+ negative word back from Kroger
attire+ pajamas
drink+ dr pepper

i spent some of the money Kyu gave me from his tax return on more dolls. two monster girls (Venus McFlytrap and Scarah Screams) and lots of clothes to take advantage of a MH line-wide 25% off Toys R Us was running, then basic Maddie and the two EAH play sets from Mattel.com while they were 20% off. they're due to arrive tomorrow. i'm still trying to figure out just where to display these girls, but i have an idea that may work out, we'll see. i have a definite preference of fairy tale girls over monster girls since my collection numbers 6 (and 2 play sets) to three, but the monsters i do have are really cute: a preppy pink vampire, a green punk plant girl, and a paler green 60s retro-mod banshee.

on another front, i did hear back from Kroger finally, and that job's not mine. i spent time Tuesday at the LDS employment center, so i do have some other leads to pursue. hopefully i'll find something good for me soon.

i suppose to close things out i'll end with pictures. the shot of my EAH girls was up on facebook yesterday, but it's here too for posterity. the shot of my MH girls is new, just for ya'll.

this was meant to go up hours ago. oops.

song+ Come and Get It -Selena Gomez -Stars Dance
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ new fun things!
downer+ no word back on employment yet
attire+ pajamas
drink+ milk

Kyu and i started watching Arrow this last week. it only has a season and a half so i figured it wouldn't take us long to get through it, but we're not caught up yet. probably because we only watch a few episodes at a time. it's really good though, like i know as a comic fan there's tons of awesome nerdy things hidden in the dialog and sets and background designs, but those things aren't anything you NEED to notice to enjoy the show, it just adds a layer of "oh that's awesome!" if you do notice them.

i'm still losing time. i deal better when other people are around and we're doing things, but when i'm alone i keep blinking and realizing an hour (or more) has passed. it makes it harder to do things on my own, or keep to a schedule, i'm trying though. the losing time has doubled up with my raging insomnia to make things difficult, even when i know i should sleep because i have plans at normal-person times the next day i can't, which means i end up loopy and incoherent.

the only other notable thing from this week is Kyu's tax refund hit, so he bought me some dolls as a pre-arranged trade. i had some statues i don't want, and i was thinking of selling. two of them happen to be things he does want, so we agreed he could buy off my wishlist to a price point matching what i payed initially for them. i now own four dolls i want, and he has two statues he wants and we both walk away happy. it's a cell phone pic because my computer's being a butt and not recognizing my camera's SD card, but these are the new girls.

GF Apple White, CA Cupid, Blondie Lockes, and GF Madeline Hatter. the two GF girls are in nightgowns because they're from the sleepwear line, but they were on my list and having them first isn't gonna make getting their everyday looks later any less exciting.

happy February i guess?

song+ Bound To You -Burlesque soundtrack
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ things continue to improve
downer+ no word back on employment yet
attire+ pajamas
drink+ Dr Pepper

this week was pretty interesting. Tuesday Mom and i ran around for a few hours between her dental appointment and knit night. midweek i downloaded the demo for Bravely Default and beat it, and also downloaded Zelda Four Swords while it was free. i've made significantly less progress there.

Saturday was our quilt class, and also a trip to the Dallas Museum of Art for an exhibit on Ed Hopper's sketches and artistic process. it was really interesting, and i liked having both Jenni and Mom there to talk to about it since we all viewed everything differently. that and visiting the art store with Mom have made me itchy to paint again, so i'm working on clearing space to set up my easel.

the other stuff that's happened this week is the kinda boring stuff i do every week in efforts to continue my recovery to real-person status. it's that stuff that i'm happy to be managing, but it doesn't sound like much when it's said out loud. i think my 2 biggest accomplishments this week both happened Saturday. i rode an elevator twice (with only minor panic) and i complimented a stranger on her shoes! i also figured out how to save incoming pictures to my phone, but that was unrelated to the getting better thing mostly, it was just leaving me frustrated not knowing how since it was left out of the instruction booklet that came with the phone.

it's been a good week

song+ Run Dry (X Heart X Fingers) -Patrick Stump -Soul Punk
book+ nothing
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ things continue to improve
downer+ no word back on employment yet
attire+ pajamas
drink+ Dr Pepper

lots of stuff has happened this week, most of it pretty good.

last Sunday i went through the process of applying to the stocking department of a local grocery store, and i also finally dyed my hair, so i'm not longer blonde with inches of black roots. the color was supposed to look redder than it does, it mostly just looks dark brown, but i'm okay with it. it looks employable, which was kinda the point.

Tuesday i was mom as usual for knit night, and it was fun. Wednesday took Kyu out of town for a work trip, and it was stressful for him because his boss is prone to bouts of previously unimaginable idiocy, but also i panicked at like 11:30 because it felt so weird not feeling him in the apartment. like normally even if we're not talking, i can tell he's still around, but this was different so i made him text me close to midnight until i calmed down.

Thursday i had lunch out with Michelle, and late that evening Kyu made it back home. Friday was lunch with James, which was nice since we did our December lunch pre-Christmas so it had been longer than normal since we last saw each other. i think seeing him every day is what i miss most about working at Lone Star, but making do with monthly lunch dates is better than not seeing him at all.

yesterday Jenni picked me up so we could sew our block in time for the next quilt class, which we did. our method now is that she does the cutting and sewing since she's more precise there, and i do the ironing and pinning, and fetching and carrying if any of that needs to be done. we do both blocks at the same time assembly line style and it's faster than it was when we both did our own, taking turns on everything.

figuring things out, getting things done

song+ This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race -Fall Out Boy -Infinity On High
book+ nothing presently
quest+ finding a job!
upper+ i have an awesome new fully functional phone!
downer+ time is still tripping me up
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

my phone was replaced Friday evening. i love my new one. it makes normal phone noises and does normal phone things. that doesn't sound like a big deal, but it's awesome, trust me. i'm adjusting to the swipe texting, and having to manually add words to my dictionary right and left, but it's nice having a phone that i know will actually do what it's supposed to.

Kyu and i are now at the point where our lease will be up soon, so we're starting to pack things a little while also looking for where we wanna move. i'm trying to focus my job search in areas i'll still be able to get to reasonably easily after we relocate. we're not looking to go too far since he still has to be able to get to his job, but we're both pretty sick of living smack on campus neither of us attends.

i'd like to attend classes, and have nothing against this particular campus, but living a little further from it wouldn't break my heart. drunk college kids shouting outside at 3am is annoying, regardless of whether or not i was awake anyway. Kyu wants me working part-time so i can work around classes, i'm okay with that since i think i'm getting closer to finally figuring out what i wanna do with my life. it's narrowed down to like 3 choices at this point at least instead of like, 10. xD i think talking to an adviser once i've started taking classes will help me figure out the rest.

time keeps slipping

song+ the Nutcracker Suite (all jumbled and out of order, but still recognizable)
book+ fanfic. copious amounts of it
quest+ finding a job
upper+ Kyu bought me hair dye
downer+ time keeps getting away from me despite my best efforts
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

it completely slipped my mind that it's Sunday again already. i've been having real trouble processing time in a linear manner lately, which is kinda annoying when i'm trying so hard to re-regulate so i can successfully job hunt. i've lost hours where i can't recall what's been happening at all, and my sleeping has been erratic regardless of my best efforts to regulate it.

my appetite's been pretty shoddy too, but it think that's a reflection of the bizarre sleep pattern i'm struggling with. i hit a really apathetic day Friday, where no matter what i did, i just couldn't make myself FEEL anything. like i wasn't bored, or excited or anything else, just kinda there. it was really strange and i didn't like it, but it had mostly passed by Saturday and today i got frustrated, so i think whatever it was cleared up.

man, i always feel bad when my posts are really short, but i'm having trouble finding words, so i think this is kinda it for this post.

happy new year!

song+ Goodnight Goodnight -Maroon 5 -It Won't Be Soon Before Long
book+ my Blue Dragon guide
quest+ finding a job
upper+ feeling almost entirely human again
downer+ my lungs keep trying to evacuate my body for no reason
attire+ pajamas
drink+ water

i totally almost titled this post "happy next year" by accident, which doesn't really make sense. except for random coughing jags (which have decreased their frequency even if they won't go completely away yet) i'm feeling much much better.

i kinda lost track of time between the being sick, and the holidays breaking up Kyu's work week (his being home or not is about 80% of my 'is it weekend?' check), and the two weeks of no knit night. i'm looking forward to things settling back to normal this week. i feel like i should have more to say, but i really don't since i've honestly just been sleeping and trying to wrangle my lungs. i dunno, maybe i'll do better next week.